You actually had a great response. Wish I'd thought of it. "do you think it's an option?" -- love that line. So wish I had thought of it 1 1/2 ago.

When you solve this problem, do post. I need more ideas.

SD11 (then 10) decided she hated me this past fall. She began just totally ignoring me or making smart remarks to basically anything I asked, just under the radar of DPs hearing/understanding of sarcasm. She then got SD9 (then SD8 ) on her side and they both started doing it.

It took me lots of talking with DP, and me calling SD11 an outright bitch to DP in a description of her inaction/attitude toward me, AND him finally directly observing incidents and being the recipient of several attacks himself and one final, grande finale of SD delinquency to get him on my side.

What did I do? Nothing. I asked nothing of them, I didn't speak to them and I didn't do anything with them or for them. I didn't go anywhere with SDs and DP. DP ended up having a lot of private talks with them - basically saying he loved me and I wasn't going anywhere and that having two horrible daughters was not acceptable.

It's slowly come around so we enjoy each other's company again for the most part. It's constantly a challenge but I don't expect anything from SDs except polite 'thank yous' and 'pleases' when asking about things. If they are great, I'll help more. Consequences are there and I think they see that now.

OMG I have SD19 and SD13 full-time, but thank goodness SD19 is 45 minutes away at school. Although end of May is rapidly approaching. BM died two years ago. SD19 will just NOT say anything when I come home and "nests" in my living room. At least she did last summer. SD13 will back away and walk out when I am calling her out on something. She is just plain stupid. The other day she was going out to the garage and I had to say, "Don't walk out there while I'm talking to you."

I already do nothing for the skids. Any time our cell phone usage goes over due to SD19, I transfer the money from her savings to our account. Phone upgrade? Oh, look at that $55 upgrade charge on the bill. "Tansfer!" DH manages her money and I manage ALL of the money and I only do what is fair. Her expenses are HER expenses. She never bothers to check her bank activity. Too bad. Just calls Daddy when her balance is low and he transfers money from her savings to her checking for her. Yep 19. She can't figure it out. Spare me already.

SD13 ate all a ton of ice cream bars this past week and and left none for DH and I. Hmmmmm, so I took the rest of her Easter candy. I mean, it was just laying there in the pantry, so.....thank you, Easter Bunny! Yep, little victories help get me through. It sounds immature, but I have to keep myself entertained in my pathetic steplife.

Last summer SD19 had the nerve to talk back to me and tell ME that I was immature and always thought I was right. She did this right in front of SD13 and DH. DH said nothing. I bit my tongue and have since learned that she is most likely a BPD narc. I'm immature? Well, get the stick out of your young tight ass and loosen up some. It's called having a sense of humor in the face of what is really turning out to be a terrible stephell for this SM! You say I think I'm always right? Well, that's because I speak from life experience and KNOW more than you do. You inferior bitch. I can't help you if you have low self-esteem issues.

Thanks for the vent. That felt good. So yes, ignoring works well but I haven't done anything for the skids in awhile so I guess this is normal for them. This summer I may have to do the "get right in their faces" option. You know, with the hedgehog and all. }:)

~ Moon

Yes, and he does not care if I ignore him 90% of the time. The 10% it sends him off his trolley is when it's fun time and I won't let him come with/ participate. Then he likes me and he's sorry and he will stop being a naughty sh*t.

Both my SKs used to ignore me. In fact, they would walk out of a room, even if they were mid-sentence with their dad, if I walked in.

I know a lot of people say your DH/SO needs to talk to SK(s) about it, but you want to know my take? No amount of "talking" is going to change their behaviors or their feelings towards you. I told my DH, "You can't MAKE them like me, you can't MAKE them talk to me, so why try? Telling them how much it hurts you and I just validates that they 'won'."

The one time DH attempted to say something to them, while I was standing right there, resulted in me saying, "DH, I honestly don't care what a couple 14 year old snot nosed kids think about me, my success in life doesn't hinge on their opinions of me. Stop trying to convince these little children they need to be something they're obviously incapable of being."

That shook them up because then they KNEW they weren't getting under my skin, and I backed it up with my actions. If they wanted to sit and chat with their dad they could. But they knew I wasn't going to hide in my room or vacate my house for the day. I knew my very presence pissed them off, so I stayed present (besides... MY HOUSE!). I didn't bristle (on the outside) when they'd start in with, "Hey Dad, Mom said...." (or Mom does... or Mom makes this better... or Remember when you, Mom, and us..... which was funny, because DH and BM divorced when the SK's were 1 yo). I'd actually ask them questions in front of their dad, and let them bare their asses by not answering me. Then I'd do it when DH's parents were around (OMG, you should have HEARD DH's parents go off on the SK's for THAT).

Was that considered stooping to their level? Maybe. Maybe not. But they needed to know that I've been around the block a couple of times, and they were certainly not going to bring me down.

Now? One SK is actually very pleasant to me. The other one, not so much; but he was the most lost-cause from the very beginning so I didn't have high hopes for him.

OSD11 ignores me, YSD9 will ignore me if her sister is around. So this weekend coming up, I think things won't be so ugly and tense because OSD isn't going to be here.

OSD thinks she is hurting me, nope, she is hurting herself and her DAD. I don't cook anymore at ALL, even when sks aren't here, don't appreciate it, don't tell your kids to eat or go to their room, this is your consequence DH.

I do nothing for them. I ignore them all the time. They come to hug me when they leave and I basically allow it but really do not want them to do it, DH insists on it.

I have been ignored by my SDs as well. I can come home, SD16 is home, I say hey, she says hey, then either keeps her head in her phone, laptop or tv, or goes to her room. No interaction. SD6 does the same. I have picked her up from school and been ignored. I have told my wife I feel more like a butler at times than a stepfather. My running joke to my brother is I'm Mr Belvedere, although its not funny at all. I do feel hurt by it. And of course my wife makes excuses for them. So, I'd agree that this is common.

i give you kudos for not slapping little miss eye roll.

I'm ignored too, but in my case it is great.

SD15 walks in, says 'hi', i say "hi"

Couple of hours later, "bye' and i say "bye"

The little brat that yelled, " we didn't hear you" is the BM instigator. She does it to get brownie points from BM. The others were scared because they know when they go home they have to deal with the BM drama and mini queen. I have a mini queen that comes over 'when she wants' and she is BM eyes and ears, also BM best friend and a mini mom towards DH bio daughter. I have ignored the shit out of her over her shitty attitude and she admitted to DH that she doesn't come because she doesn't feel wanted (yay), because she isn't wanted. That's DH ex step daughter and instigating bitch. Sd11 is very nice to me when she comes alone with minimal smart smirks. Overall sd11 hugs me all the time like bedtime and when she is leaving. I guess she feels closer because I've known her when she was a little little girl. I'm going to expect her to do what yours is doing In The future. When that time comes I will be educated by you folks lol

I would find it extremely rude if skids did that to me. If they did it to me..I know what I'd do back..I'd either ignore them from then on..or go right up to them and say something like.."well HELLO to you!! How are YOU! How was your day?? what did you get up to?".. shooting questions like bullets they can't duck from... and watch their eyes go wide in total shock.. no way could they ignore THAT!!