BM has stolen money from skids
My SS14 is paranoid about his wallet becasue he thinks that we'll steal his money. His BM used to take his B-day or X-mas money all the time and because of that he says he just doesn't trust anyone, not even his Dad or me. I have calmly pointed out several times that we've never stolen his money, but he has had change disapppear and now his wallet is missing. He says the last time he saw it was his last weekend with us before visitation with his BM...well his sister SD15 was here at that time. (He lives with us, SD lives with the BM)
Anytime any money has disappeared change or anything else SD15 has been present. He almost accused his father this morning. I keep saying I'm sure it will turn up, but I'm sick of being accused. I'm 90% sure his sister took it, she's like that.
What can I do to get through to him that it's not OK to accuse us? We provide 100% of everything for him and it would be senseless for us to take money from him because we're the ones who replace it.
Unfortunately, you can talk
Unfortunately, you can talk to him until you're blue in the face but it's just going to take time. He will eventually get it.
My Ss's Bm won a lawsuit years ago and took out a rather large cd for both Ss and his little sister, for college. My Ss had always counted on having that money for college.
Then Bm lost her job. Hooked up with a loser you also had no job. Bm refused to get another job. So we figured they were going to cash in the college money. Ss wouldn't even hear of it from us. He said that his Bm would never touch his college money. It was too important!
Well, yep. She spent it! ALL of it. She told him after the fact, "it stinks". Really?! That's all she had to say. Wow!! Now he's a senior in high school. We have a little saved for him but we've been putting a lot of money into raising him as he lives with us.
Before Bm told him that she spent the college money, she actually tried to talk Ss into joining the Army so they could pay for his college. That was a big clue that the money was gone!
It just is really awful that neither your Ss nor mine, can trust their Bm's!
Can you provide him with a
Can you provide him with a small safe for his stuff when SD is over? Or a keyed locked for his bedroom door. We ended up with keyed locks on all of our bedroom doors to keep oldest out, after she no longer came here it tooks months to stop instinctively locking all the rooms. It did help the other kids to know that their room was just theirs and no one could get in (I had keys for emergency).
As far as him accusing you, he probably knows that it isn't you but he doesn't want to admit that his sister is doing it.
We had a similar problem, my
We had a similar problem, my SD6 woke up one night to find her BioDad stealing money from her piggy bank. She told us a couple days later that daddy was taking her money. My wife was very angry and talked to him about it, but unfortunately there was nothing we could do about what happens at his house.
I like the safe idea though, I had one growing up and kept my important stuff in it to keep it out of my brother's hands.
We took SS13 to get his own
We took SS13 to get his own bank account (my BS has had one since he was six) because Horsehead would take all his money when he was at school and then lie to his face about it.
So now he hides his money when he's at home - he said he's found a place that's too gross for Horsehead to go (I shudder to think where that is...but justcan't bring myself to ask) and then he brings it all over and we take it to the bank. He really enjoys saving I guess.
When Horsehead found out he had an account, she went ballistic and tried to take my partner to court over it saying he's got no right to do things involving the childrens "welfare" without her input. Thankfully, that one never made it to court because the judge said "F'off crazy Horsehead" - ok well he didn't really say that but that was the gist.
I'm sure the only reason she was mad is that she couldn't steal his money anymore. Silly Horsehead.
The safe is a good idea.
The safe is a good idea. Unfortuantely, paranoia is a family trait in my husband's family. His BM was an addict and she took alot from them. He's been with us for 3+ years and he's still weird about it. We aren't loaded but we don't need his money.
Wow, that's pretty lowdown to
Wow, that's pretty lowdown to be stealing from anyone but esp your own children! I agree with those who suggest a small safe for his personal belongings.
As for the Wildebeest, we never know what happens to the Bday money or gift cards that SS8 gets. He routinely wracks up $100 for his Birthday and Christmas from various people and she packs it away saying she saving it for trips. Yet the one time she actually did take him with her on a 3 day trip, she asked us for $200 to help pay his train ticket. (Then she didn't even take the train so don't know where that $ went). Anyway, where the years of birthday 'trip savings' went, don't know.
My oldest SS has a different
My oldest SS has a different mother and she told him she was savings all of his CS for college. When he was 14 she wanted us to pay for 1/3 of a scooter, they'd pay 3rd and he'd pay the other out of his savings...however, he didn't know how much savings he had and she wouldn't tell us. They were in the middle of bankruptcy and I refused to fork over $400 not knowing where it was going. Needless to say, he had no savings. They were going to take our money and buy a used one, or at least that's my best guess. We bought him a scooter and paid the full balance...she was so pissed. Also, he had no money for college...that was a pipe dream.
sd got a $50 walmart card for
sd got a $50 walmart card for her bday or Christmas a few years ago, and bm took it to buy groceries, stating "i can't live like this anymore", meaning with no food. i guess to some people it makes more sense to steal than to get a job. i wonder where sd gets her sense of entitlement from?