Again and again SD 16 does stupid stuff
So since Sept 2012 SD now 16 has been caught smoking pot, smoking cigarettes, lying, taking benedryl to get high and overdosing...then lying and saying it was a suicide attempt to get out of trouble, stayed out all night with her BF, smoking pot again, suicide attempt to manipulate us all into feeling sorry for her so she wouldn't be in trouble - NOW FOR THE BIG NEW...BM is an idiot and she and her "wife" took SD off Birth Control because it cost $9/month, so SD gets caught shacked up with some skanky guy.
We got a psycho phone call at 3am telling us she had a boy in her bed. My husband said, she's a hand full I don't know what to tell you. That's when we found out about her being off birth control. He hit the roof. She's shown time and time again that she can't be trusted why would they take her off the pill.
BM goes on to tell us that earlier in the day this 18 year old boys father caught them in bed and threw them out of the house, so she took him home with her since her mom was supposed to be gone.
Question 1 - why was she not traumatized when this boys dad caught them and threw them out?
Question 2 - what kind of BM leaves their already troubled, untrustworthy teen home alone all night?
DH talked to SD, she didn't have any remorse or any answers for him. We've tried positive reinforcement, we've given her consequences...we are now not dealing with her. If she does something wrong, we don't address it. She is getting no attention until she wants better for herself. We refuse to be manipulated any longer by her negative actions to get attention. It's hard to step away, but it's the only way we can get through to her what the long term effects of her actions will be.
She's 16 not 18, your DH and
She's 16 not 18, your DH and BM are the problem especially you guys are choosing to "ignore" her and do nothing to get through to her ?? Idiots should not have kids, maybe the parents should START doing MORE and staying on TOP of her.
You don't just wash your hands of your children when it gets too hard. I hate reading posts like this, WTF
"we are now not dealing with
"we are now not dealing with her. If she does something wrong, we don't address it. "
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So, her dad is pretty much ditching any parental responsibility because she's difficult to deal with???
How do you figure just letting her do what she wants & refusing to discipline is going to somehow get through to her?
That's some shitty parenting right there... :?
"Question 2 - what kind of BM leaves their already troubled, untrustworthy teen home alone all night?'
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How is that any different than what BD is doing? Only he's ignoring her all night & all day every day.
*SMH*
We have joint custody and she
We have joint custody and she lives with her mother and we have disciplined her...however when BM doesn't follow through and she lives with BM there isn't much you can do. At this point she seeks nothing but attention positive or negative, so we've chosen to give her no negative attention. If she wants to spend time with us and her siblings she will have to straighten up. For the interim she is spending her visitation with her grandparents and we see her daily for short periods.
She knows right from wrong and continually arguing and disciplining her is getting us no where. Her psych evals show that she is very manipulative and thrives to control us through her behavior. Why they don't know, noen of us do. My guess is that she has BPD like her mother, along with anxiety and some anti social characteristics.
At this point we have tried everything, to include intensive out patient and in patient counseling. We've tried reward systems, positive reinforcement. She seems to want negative attention so we aren't giving it to her. We also told her that when she goes to jail she's on her own. After several thousand dollars, weeks of lost work wages and never ending whoa is me stories from her we are done. She needs to understand what her life will be like if this continues. She will be the one not invited to family functions, not included in celebrations...no body likes or wants unnecessary drama.
Thanks. We continue to
Thanks. We continue to express how much we love her and miss her being involved. We have also explained that we will not participate in her negative behavior...this seems to have gotten her attention. It's a tough love approach that is so hard to follow through with. By not addressing her negative behavior we have taken away her trigger and control. Just like (at our house)we never leave her alone, we took the lock off her door, and we lock up all medication...and we get better results than her mother. We have to take away every possible avenue before we see a better result. It's a very sad situation.
And for those who think we are shirking our parenting duty...this is much harder for her and us.
Why don't you guys take her
Why don't you guys take her to the doctor's office and get her on the shot. She can't forget and BM can't refuse to pay for it.
We can't force her to take
We can't force her to take birth control. We are working on getting the implant now but she won't stay abstinent for 2 weeks which is a requirement.