BM here and i need advice
he was never my boyfriend. he was just the man i was casually sleeping with 7 years ago.it was just sex, no real emotions from either of us. and now he is the father of my 7 yo son. he's always paid child support and is a wonderful provider and help to me. he wants Jason all the time and will drop all plans to pick him up when he is sick, takes him to Chuckie Cheese, etc. not sure of he is great to him emotionally.
he he has another son who is a year younger than my son. he got that child's mother pregnant when Jason was 6 months old, and he married her when she was around 3 months pregnant. And 24 months later, they divorced because, apparently, he was emotionally abusive to her, which I can see. And she cheated with a man who was much kinder to her emotionally. this woman is not right in the head. She is sweet one second, acting crazy the next. Some of the things she used to say to me were soooo weird. she is def. a loud ass drama queen. but ooooh she is such a gooood mom and she loooves her "cuddle bug" soooo much. we work for the same corporation and we attend some of the same meeting. I sit back and watch her.... and she is nuts. And when she leaves, my colleagues are always like " whoooa". does that give u the picture?
anyway, Mike (my child's dad) and her are getting back together.they are going through counseling to make sure it works this time. And they may have another baby together too. And now my son is her "little buddy" when he has his visitations. i just saw pictures of Mike, her, their son and my son...all at a museum, Chuckies, shopping.
it makes me so mad that this lady was once in his life, left, and is now back in playing house. And she hasn't changed her obnoxious ways and her loud mouth is rubbing off on my kid. I hate this example that Mike is setting up for him. But I can't put my finger on why I am upset. I don't have feelings for Mike. And I have a feeling it may work out for them this time around because they are both "all about the kids" this time. She is nice to my son. Why am I upset???
I'm kinda pissed because Mike
I'm kinda pissed because Mike did everything in his power to ensure that my (now) ex Husband was not taking over the "daddy" role. My ex was a huge part of Jason's life because he stayed with me as Jason's Stepdad.
But we divorced when Jason was 4....and one of the biggest reasons we divorced was because of Mike being so hard to deal with. But even after the divorce, my exH still wanted to be a part of Jason's life, but Mike really made thought, and so my ExH decided it was best for Jason if he exited his life.
Yes, I was married to a different man when I got pregnant.
And now here is Mike and the woman he married when my son was a baby. They divorced because he was emotionally abusing her, which lead to her cheating. And now they are back together as a family....
it's like a double standard.
just read this...the fact
just read this...the fact that he contributed to the destruction of your marriage...might have something to do with it too.
but really two wrongs don't make a right. try to get along with this SM for the sake of your child. it will be better for him in the long run and you will never be replaced, ever. especially if you let everybody love your son without him feeling guilty.
dad sounds like a real jerk...sorry.
wow, deep! I would have NO
wow, deep!
I would have NO problem with her being in his life is she were sane But how many sane people leave their husband, file a restraining order on him..... and then get remarried to him a few years later??? She's already been married 3 times.
But here goes round 2. With a unstable lady. My poor son....
and (shaking my wrist at Mike) why did he give my ex husband such a difficult time about him active in Jason's life, but now it's OK if his EXWIFE comes around and plays house.
And no, I'm not looking for her faults or exaggerating them. She is really wacked. Really sweet one second....and then OMG.....the next.
Perfectly said. Per usual.
Perfectly said. Per usual.
I think it's natural for you
I think it's natural for you to be annoyed that you can't fully control your child's influences. So if you can't do anything about your situation...know this:
The cool thing for you is that your son will NEVER EVER feel the same way about his SM as he does you, his BM. Take it from me--an overambitious SM--i spend a lot of time with my SS and he sometimes picks up my ways of talking and doing things....but I couldn't get him to have my values and tastes if i tried. So, take solace in that...
You were married to someone
You were married to someone else, but having casual sex with Mike, no birth control and had his baby, and are now upset that he's trying to work it out with a woman he married and had a child with shortly after his affair with you ended? Am I reading this right?
I was married 8 years w/o
I was married 8 years w/o ever getting pregnant, and I had set a hundred times before I was married and never got pregnant. My exH was fertile, as he does have a daughter from a previous relationship.
When Mike and I began having sex, I honestly thought that I was infertile. That is why we didn't use protection. We were having weekly sex for about 6 months and then I got pregnant. Mike was also married to someone when I got pregnant. She divorced him when she found out about me. And then I gave birth. He met Crazy and he got CRAZY preg, married her, divorced her.....and now they are back together....."for their son".
Do they not consider how this is going to affect the kids if they don't work out this time around?
I was married and the only
I was married and the only person I was sleeping with was Mike (and my husband).
Mike was married and he was only sleeping with me and his wife.
We got checked for STD's before we started having sex and we were not having sex with anyone else other than our spouses on occasion. I was 30 when I got pregnant. And by age 30, I probably had sex, I don't know, a thousand times. and I never got pregnant and never used protection or pill or the pull out method. Yes, I thought I was infertile. Sue me.
We got checked for STD's
We got checked for STD's before we started having sex
i'm sorry this is hard to believe....
"I was married and the only
"I was married and the only person I was sleeping with was Mike (and my husband).
Mike was married and he was only sleeping with me and his wife."
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That's the story & you're stickin' to it...?
Your husband believed he was the only one. His wife believed she was the only one. You both lied to people you vowed to be faithful to.
What in the world makes you so special he wouldn't lie to you too??? You were nothing more than the tail on the side.
Maybe that's why you're bitter toward her.
LOL I'm done with this one.
LOL I'm done with this one. It can't be real.
Yep.
Yep.
oh whatever. i didn't say
oh whatever.
i didn't say she was crazy because "she wants to be there for the kids". I said she is crazy because her behavior at work proves that she is crazy. And when she and Mike got a divorce, he told me she is crazy and spilled the beans on some of the Weird shit that she did while they were married. He admitted that he lets her have it all her way because of her mood swings, and how he does not want to stir her pot and subject their son to her moodiness. Does he really think she's changed that much? I'm mad because my SON is now the one who is, once again, going to be subjected to her crazy behavior. I'm sure she is on good behavior now, but we all know it takes a few months for the crazy to come out.
Even assuming you were
Even assuming you were infertile, being married to someone & going about having casual sex with other people who are also married but going about having casual sex, why wouldn't you use protection at least to keep from getting/passing STD's???
Maybe this woman who's trying to make a marriage work isn't the only crazy one...?
Sometimes self-reflection hurts, but it's necessary.
Do they not consider how this
Do they not consider how this is going to affect the kids if they don't work out this time around?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
you have zero control of how this affects the kids...all you can do is be there for your son. if it turns out badly help him to learn how to deal with life's setbacks with courage and strength.
"if it turns out badly help
"if it turns out badly help him to learn how to deal with life's setbacks with courage and strength."
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And PLEASE teach him about the dangers of ASSuming infertility & the importance of protecting himself, his spouse, & any casual flings against STD's.
LOL
LOL
i think it would be hard for
i think it would be hard for any mother to willingly let her child go to a place where she felt there was going to be a woman who would be intimately involved in her child's life who she feels is mentally and emotionally unsound. (wow that was a long sentence!)
i'm concerned for my skids when they are with their mom, which is all the time. i worry a lot about them and she is their mom and i am not!
i have told dh if we ever have kids he CANNOT go back to BM EVER. i do not know how i would deal with BM being my child's SM. i would become a nutjob BM myself. she's a hateful person. it's an irrational fear, because DH won't...but i have an active imagination.
i'm sorry you have to deal with this. just be there for your son as much as possible. correct the behavior you don't like and help him process his feelings. this won't destroy him...it just might make things harder than they need to be.
She and your ex are trying to
She and your ex are trying to work it out. That should be admired not resented. Good for them.
I can't stand him....or her.
I can't stand him....or her. I don't and never wanted to be married to him. I love my son but I have regrets for ever getting involved with Mike. And I have regrets for the pain I caused my ExH. And I have regrets with how Mike treated my exH, who was trying to be an upstanding SD to Jason. And I have regrets that my exH is sane and a good guy and would be a wonderful role model to Jason, yet he isn't in his life Bc Mike ran him off.
And now Mike is BACK with someone who is certifiably NUTS, but I don't and will never disrespect her the way Mike disrespected my exH!!!
You had unprotected sex? I
You had unprotected sex? I would be concerned about STDs in this day and age. My friend's daughter got a raging case of herpes with the 2nd guy she had sex with.
"A sm is a blessing most moms
"A sm is a blessing most moms scoff at. Its sad."
LOVE this line...i'm so glad to hear one bm say something so positive about the sm in her life.
what did she say to get through to you? would LOVE to be able to do that. but i bet you didn't pas the kids and lie about her. that takes a special kind of nutjob bm to intentionally lie to her kids and cause them harm so she can be seen as the "best" parent.
i hope op takes your and former's advice to heart. it's spot on!
I just hate him. And her.
I just hate him. And her.
She lost her last job because she snapped on a family member of one of her patients. She was doing something to the patient and when she turned around, the family member was recording her with their phone.
She snapped on them and tried to grab the phone from their hand. and then she got fired. how would u like her for your nurse??? I'm not a nurse, but im in HC and during one of our meeting, she even told us the story during a break at work, like she was bragging. One of my colleagues questioned what she was doing that a family member felt warranted to record her. She changed the subject.
fine HATE them...but LOVE
fine HATE them...but LOVE your son more than you hate them. they will be in his life...it sucks for you...but he needs his dad too. and he needs to have the freedom to love the people in his life without guilt.
Ahhhh. But I hate him more
Ahhhh. But I hate him more than I hate her!!!
My exH was a pretty awesome guy and Stepdad to Jason. Shit, he watched my belly grow, and stuck with me, knowing there was a 50/50 chance the kid wasn't going to be his. I had the baby and paternity proved it wasn't his. But he still wanted me and Jason.
Mike didn't care about how wonderful my ExH was to Jason. he didn't care abiout how happy my exH made Jason. He was just worried that Jason was going to grow up, loving my ExH as a father figure. Therefore, he made my exH's life miserable. And my ExH decided this was not good for Jason, so he left.
My concern with the former SM has nothing to do with me feeling insecure or jealous about a possible rship budding b/w her and my boy. I'm mad at Mike bringing this crazy lady back into his life!!! People don't change THAT much. I"m mad that Mike ran my wonderful (now) exH off, but expects me to respect the rship he has with his former exW, after he told me and after I;ve seen the damage that she's done!!!
ok...just tell us you're not
ok...just tell us you're not going to punish your son for how much you hate his dad...maybe then we can all join in on mike bashing with you...
why would I take it out on my
why would I take it out on my kid?????
i think that THEY are going to take it out on my son when the honeymoon stage is over. They have their family trio and my son is not treated as equal! Oh the shit they used to do would burn me up. For example, before they got a divorce, BD or SM actually took a pic of MY son (age 2 at the time) and put this pic on their Myspace acct that I used to stalk back in the day. The pic was of my son sitting in his crib with their pittbull in the crib with him. A pittbull that THEY trusted, but come one people use your fucking brain! Why wasn't their son in the crib with the PB, too???
And the fact that they only have 2 bedrooms on the main level of the house they now share. So, they have one room, their son gets the other room next to them. My son gets the room in the basement. It has drywall and tile, but it's still in the basememnt without windowns.... and he is only 7!!!! And our custody arrangment is this: he gets Jason every Thursday and Friday night. And then every other weekend.
why??? lots of women
why???
lots of women do...ours does to make herself feel better. she bad mouths us all the time because she's afraid they will want us more than her. she makes thier life hell when she thinks they are happy with me and she lies about me, the SM, all the time. telling them their dad doesn't love them, only mommy does, thier dad left, thier dad loves asheeha more than them. all sorts of damaging crap! newsflash!!! she DIVORCED him...i didn't even know him then.
so...we just want to make sure you won't justify your rants and let the kid in on it because we our dh's ex would do just that and still think she's MOTY!
there was a dog in the crib???? :O
that's crazy to me. his room doesn't have a window? that's a serious fire hazard!! NOT OK!!!
The bedroom? Yep. In the
The bedroom? Yep. In the basement. The basement is drywalled and has newer tile, but the only windows down there are your standard basement windows. Again, I complained that he is putting our son IN THE BASEMENT. He argued, saying, it's a fixed up basement, not a cold gray basement. And that half the time, he and his brother sleep in the same bed upstairs anyhow. Uggh. at ages 6 and 7!!!! Maybe because my son doesnt want to sleep in the basement, hellooooo?????
I questioned whether he thinks this is OK for our son's emotions. You know, with the idea that "Daddy made my bedroom the one in the basement, while my little brother got the nice bedroom upstairs next to SM and daddys room." He said I was crazy for even having those thought. That our son doesn't think like that, only I do.
The picture and crib is old news and I've let it go. I was fuming when I saw it and worried, but it's old and I"m trying to erase it from my head. We fought about it for a week. He didn't see anything wrong with the PB in the crib for a quick picture with Jason. I grew tired of pointing out how ridiculous it is to put him at risk for a snapshot. Mike didn't see any risk since "I know that dog better than anyone and he'd never hurt a fly." The dog is still around and very old.....has never bit my son thus far. But still, ugggh.
It's the only available
It's the only available bedroom. It's only a 2 br house. he put 4 walls up in his basement to make it 3 bedrooms. I asked why he (Mike) doesn't sleep in the basement and give both boys the 2 rooms upstairs. He said he thought about it, but then decided against it.
well...the dog being in there
well...the dog being in there for a "quick picture" isn't as bad as i was thinking...i thought the kid was sleeping with the dog! but a pit bull never gives someone a peaceful fuzzy feeling around babies...
and it's not about your ds's feelings about the basement...IT'S A FIRE HAZARD!!!! he should NOT be down there. there is NO WAY for him to escape in the event a fire blocks his exit!
seriously, find out the law on this and raise a stink! that's a big deal! document everything you say and he says back to you. if he still ignores you then call child protective services!
he's too young to be down there...he has no way to escape!
As I always say, be very very
As I always say, be very very careful who you have kids with. And everytime you have sex, even with birth control, you're taking that risk, unless one of you is fixed or on the other side of menopause (like me lol)