Bm lying about finances. Dh says not to talk about it anymore
My dh is one of these whatever bm says goes. Kids aren't coming this weekend fine. He won't ask for every other weekend we just have to wait and see how she feels on Thursdayish.
so bm says dh has to pay for child care for sd9. in uk parents get up to 80% of childcare paid for unless they earn over 35k (most people don't in single parent households in the north) supposedly bm earns too much to get anything towards childcare even though the maximum her job earns (in London) is 31k. Dh said yeh she earns about 60k a year. For 24hours work works out at £46 an hour. Doctors after years of medical school get less than that? I'm pretty sure she's lying and he's trying not to start an argument but when shes getting it paid for and then we're paying for it as well seems a bit of a joke. I don't mind the child support I don't mind all the things we just "have" to buy them I don't mind the half towards school uniforms and half to school trips etc that got cancelled and she kept all of it. I'm annoyed at the fact she maxed out his credit card then wouldn't pay it off so we had to but that's done. If it was me I would tell her to take the childcare from the money she has stolen on his credit card and for sds trip. He won't though he will just pay it. Why she needs all this on top of her £1100 a week salary and extra maintenance and the extras that we buy the girls as well is beyond me. Anyone else's bm a proper money grabbing b**ch? X
How does she get
That much for a 9yr old? We use tax free childcare and it's only about 20pc we have to provide the 80pc. Either way though there's no chance we'd be helping bm with hers. Do you and dh have separate finances? It might be an idea if you don't already, if you don't want to be part contributing to bms money grabbing
Will he at least pay the child care center directly?
Will he at least pay the child care center directly? Then you would know the money was actually going for child care.
This is the correct approach.
This is the correct approach. Nothing gets paid without a receipt, and everything gets paid to the source. BM should RARELY ever need extra cash to pay for something since most things can be paid online or by check.
4 out of 5 times when BM
4 out of 5 times when BM demands money from my DH if he asks for a receipt the request disappears.
Time to tell DH that since he
Time to tell DH that since he will no longer discuss it, you will no longer participate in financing it. Cut him off from your income. If that means leaving the relationship, so be it. A Sparent is not the check book for the support of their SO's failed family. Ever. Period. Dot.
If he insists on supporting them all beyond the COd CS, then he can go down that financial shitter by himself.
So let me get this straight.
So let me get this straight. She earns way too much to qualify for the childcare benefit so she wants you guys to pay it?! My best friend in the building industry is dealing with similar people. As part of the covid stimulus package the government is giving $25k towards people who build new houses and earn below a certain threshold. Helps low income earners into the housing market. And now there's people earning $300k per year that are angry they don't get the free $25k. Personally if it were me I'd do the maths and realise how lucky I am that I earn too much to qualify...
It’s for those who aren’t as well off to help
The help with childcare is supposed to be to help families who can't afford to work otherwise pretty much if your working and getting paid £900 a month then paying out £600 for childcare it's not financially appropriate to go to work. If your getting over £4000 a month what's £150 in childcare when dh is looking after them most of the time she is working. But in our house we're earning a lot less so £150 is a lot of money out of our budget
.... Which is exactly why you
.... Which is exactly why you should not be paying one Farthing more than what is COd. BM is the CP, let her grow up and figure it out without at will access to your family income.
End of story.
Separate your income for sure
Separate your income for sure. Obviously DH is not going to challenging this, stupidly.
Also, I don't know about the UK, but doctors in the US make more than 4 times 46 an hour, even if you compensate for the exchange rate between dollars and pounds.
Better to be a doctor in us then
We have nhs assuming private healthcare doctors earn more but a consultant earns between 60-100k a year. A regular gp earns around 55k a year. Seems we should separate finances though because he won't even listen to what I have to say about it. So I will make it not my problem. Thanks for advice
(No subject)
BM used to send exH the bill
BM used to send exH the bill and the receipt, sometimes she would send the same week twice. She would call him a deadbeat everytime he refused to pay because it was already paid. She was really livid when we started paying the center. SD was pulled out of care in less then a month.
He was looking online
That's what started this she said he hadn't paid for some of it so he looked on his online banking to check. If she gets it paid via the government it goes into her account not to directly to the childcare centre so even if he pays it direct she's still getting the extra money that's meant to pay for it. She earns way more than me and dh put together just from her salary if it is 60k then everything on top and I have 3 bio kids to care for just annoys me
If you have it
Put into her. Gov childcare account she can only use it to pay the registered child care provider. But you've still got a dh problem as to why he's offering to pay anything. He's only legally obliged to pay the correct amount of maintenance and that's it. Bm here is as well off as yours, so maintenance is all we pay, period
Is it in the CO that he has
Is it in the CO that he has to pay for 1/2 of childcare?
I don't understand what is so hard with saying to BM- That is what child support is for. I can't give any more money to your household.
As infuriating as it can be
As infuriating as it can be for the CP, the NCP does have some level of control over paying even elements that are court ordered. If we were the NCP household, we would have required big 4 level accounting records from the SpermClan including orignial receipts, etc... before we would have paid them a penny in reimbursement of COd costs. No reciepts, no contact information for each and every service provider, no money. Period.
In our case the SpermClan still owes us over $10K in COd participation in SS's health care costs. The ball-less wonder in the idiot Harry Potter robes slinging the silly wooden Fisher-Price childs hammer refused to rule and directed us to take them to Small Claims court.
IMHO DH has a huge advantage that he can play in the situation you are dealing with if he will find his balls and take a hell no approach to BM's crap.
Good luck.
It’s not cod
We have no order at all. It's all done by agreement so even if he refused to pay anything nothing would happen apart from she probably wouldn't let him see the kids. His problem is trying to keep her happy at the expense of our home. The needing to find his balls etc is right seems to be able to find them just fine when I'm talking though. I got told we have had this conversation before I'm not having it again. Because I said she could claim for child care expenses months ago so we didn't have to pay 100% of it so what happened was he just stopped talking about it until the other day when he needed to check what he had paid. I also said if they were both at work then the childcare should be 50/50 but I'm wrong in that too obviously. He said it's because it was his days. They we're only "his" days because she works them so fobbed kids to him and because he works too she said he had to pay for childcare. Again no court order or anything he just agrees for the easy life. She said I'm working these days so u have to have the kids and he agreed so he then has to pay childcare. Now however she picks and chooses when he can have the kids so there are no set days but because of school holidays last week she sent sd9 to childcare (for no reason as she isn't working at the moment) and I think she's trying to get him to pay for that. But of course I've been told it's nothing to do with me so I don't know for sure.
I think it's time you went
I think it's time you went nuclear on him ... or left.
Normally, I would say this is why DH needs a Court Order.
However, I see some potential brilliance in your SO's handling of his XW. There is no legal agreement, there is nothing that BM can enforce. When the kids reach majority, he can say F-off to his X and not pay another penny. It will get tougher when the eldest heads to university, if they actually go, and the two of you will have to keep BM on the hook and in play until the youngest reaches majority. Then you can have the F-off BM party and tell her to go pound sand.
This could be interesting to watch as it unfolds.
Going for a CO is always an option. The longer you and SO can keep BM flopping on the hook.... the better.
Uk and the US
I think we have very different cos. Here it's a document that describes pretty much who has physical custody and who has contact and what days. The child maintenance service is a separate thing entirely and they don't take into consideration anything like private school or university education. If a child wants to go to university they get student loans mainly unless their parents earn an absolute fortune. For 2 children child maintenance is 20% of your take home pay and that's the end there's no extras such as school uniforms Xmas presents school trips etc. It's just a set amount and non resident parents have no obligation for anything more.
Does he have joint
Parental responsibility? He's on the birth certs etc? He does need to grow some n stand up to her. It's not good for the kids either to have no routine. Currently you have to have approached a mediator before court anyway. We are just in the process, it's only a few hundred pounds. Thankfully it seems to have scared bm here to quit messing us about. You never know, persuade hubby to give it a try? Ask for set days, nail down what you are or aren't willing to pay?