Boogers -Disgusting!
SD wipes her boogers on things in her room, too lazy to get up & get a tissue. She's much old enough to know this is not acceptable, but doesn't care. I should mention it's happened more than once. What really ticked me off was when my husband addressed the most recent incident, he intentionally closed her door to avoid me hearing about it in an effort to shield her from embarrassment. He admitted he closed the door as to not embarrass her, so it's not just my assumption. However I heard the convo through the door while sitting on the couch. I have several issues with this. First & foremost, I shouldn't be deliberately left out of these convos, it's my house too & I deserve to have a say in addressing the disgusting & germ transmitting behavior going on, and second, if she thinks nothing of her decision to do it seeing as it's happened more than once why does she get the privilege of being shielded from embarrassment. Quite frankly since it keeps happening it tells me she doesn't care and therefore shouldn't be embarrassed. It really bothered me too that he just spoke to her like a friend, there was no assertiveness, nothing to drive home how unacceptable this is & how it wont be tolerated again and that there would be loss of privileges if it continues. Not to mention nothing said about how easily this can transit germs & sickness. Just like clean it up & dont don't do it again.
Who is doing the clean up of
Who is doing the clean up of the boogers? If it's her dad she won't have any incentive to stop doing it. He should make her do it each and every time.
She is, but still continues
She is, but still continues doing it.
You have a DH Problem
Don't blame SD. just because it's easier to do it. DH is not addressing the problem effectively. He is not punishing her the proper way. Like taking her phone tablets ect away for a day the first time 24 hours. Two days 48 hours the second time.
'He's more afraid of SD then you. He is letting his DD disrespect your home and you. and he closed the door so you can not understand what's going on. [ nothing.. the talk...followed by the talk. ..followed by the talk. ] cell phone is an example of something SD will not want to lose or something else
Agree, 1000%, he's a huge
Agree, 1000%, he's a huge part of the problem. The fact that he intentionally didn't include me by closing the door, so I wouldn't hear, didn't give any consequences, it's all a huge problem that's a consistent problem, not only in this situation.
If DH ever closed a door on
If DH ever closed a door on me like that, I would open it, go in, and sit down to follow and participate in what followed. His disgusting daughter doesn't get spared the embarrassment. In fact, I might be tempted to threaten to tell her friends what she had done. Watch her cringe. You don't have to follow through, the threat might be enough to stop the repulsive behaviour.
Time for an ass baring
Time for an ass baring nickname used to communicate her nose mining tendencies.
Boogie, Snotling, Booger Sugar, Mucus Miner, etc...
Anytime she is around you in the house, start singing.
"She boogies in the kitchen and she boogies in the hall, she boogies on her finger and she wipes it on the wall?!"
After she has heard it enough times to always recognize the tune, hum the tune as you nonchalantly walk past her.
Just gross. And DH's tender approach to this is pathetic.
IMHO of course.
LIke them or not, embarrassment and public humiliation are great behavior modification tools.
Isn't this a teenager? Gross.
Isn't this a teenager? Gross.
TBH.. while it is your home
TBH.. while it is your home and you deserve to have a say in how people treat it.. I don't think you have to be part of the discussion WITH his child. As the bio parent, he should be parenting.. and if he isn't successful in getting her to stop.. it is HIS issue to deal with.. clean up after.
I actually also believe that closing the door was appropriate.. because even when you are delivering difficult news.. or coaching.. treating someone respectfully is important (i do understand you don't think she is treating the home respectfully.. but that's a different issue). You don't dress people down "in public" this is something that is totally appropriate for him to be addressing one on one behind closed doors.
The issue you have is that her father is not being an effective parent.. and perhaps discuss with him increasing consequences to her doing things like this... maybe he needs to think of doing more than just giving a lecture?.. maybe restricting some privilege for future transgressions?
He was having “the Talk”
He wasn't ". dressing her down ". But was saying please don't do it again or else we will have " the talk " again. He wasn't punishing her. Since this wasn't the first time some actions should be taken
I agree that if she is
I agree that if she is repeating this behavior as a child old enough to know better.. 10 or older let's say.. her dad needs to ramp up his talk and put a consequence in place. That still doesn't mean that OP needs to be "in" the conversation with the daughter.. and likely shouldn't be.
And dressing down .. aka.. having a talk..etc.. When possible, we don't correct others in front of other people... it's kind of people management 101.
I mean.. sure.. sitting at the dinner table and the kid is mining for gold.. "hey.. keep your hand out of your nose".. but for this.. it sounds like he needs to be better at getting after things like this.
Of course OP should discuss with husband prior to his talk.. and agree on what he will say.. and she should be able to trust him to relay the information about hygiene etc.. if he doesn't.. it goes beyond a kid issue.
Whatever, whenever, however
Whatever, whenever, however it takes! I wouldn't even want to be in on that talk. It would put me off my lunch. I wonder if OP is afraid he won't really address it, or will say something like "I sure told her!" but be vague or ambiguous when having the talk.
We all know how soft some of
We all know how soft some of these "talks" can be. No wonder the kids repeat the behavior.
Eta sometimes I think these "soft" friendly talks with their kid do more damage then good, if they are backing down, back tracking, trying to negotiate with the kid, kid ends up whining and wanting to change things, because a "soft parent" allows the kid to be in charge