Can't bring myself to come around my step daughter
I'm married with a 1 year old child. My husband has a 4 year old child. It was a one night stand with a girl he barely knew. He didn't know she was his for the first year of her life. He started seeing her every 3-4 months when she was 2 and his parents got her. He keeps pressuring me to act like the "perfect stepmom". The little girl doesn't know me nor her father. She calls her mothers boyfriend daddy and has since she was 8 months old. I can't bring myself to come around when they have her, they treat her like she can do no wrong, even when she hit my child. They act like they're the perfect family when she's around. It just gets under my skin so bad, because they all expect me to get to know her and this time we haven't seen her in 6 months. She doesn't know any of us. I think it is unfair to her because she went so long knowing only one father now they try to force her to call him daddy. I don't like it, I mean I want to embrace her and be a step mother to her but how can I do that when she's never around? I know I must sound like a horrible person but I have no one to talk to about this and I really needed to.
You don't sound like a
You don't sound like a horrible person. Its rather sad that she isn't around that much. Has he tried to get some sort of custody arrangement? I kind of feel sorry for the child as you are right, she grew up so far knowing a person to be her Dad and now she has to call someone else dad. The bond is much easier to make the younger they are. So if he wants a bond and for you to become part of her life then he needs to start now with more visitation then once every so often. It will be much easier for you to get respect from her too if she knows you young. That is a sad situation. I don't disagree with how you feel though at all.
Wait. Are you saying his
Wait. Are you saying his parents, the biological grandparents, have custody of the girl? Or the girl visits them on irregular occasions?
You're not horrible, quite normal in my opinion and you have every right to stay out of it and one way of doing that is to not visit his parents when the girl is there.
Just don't go over and visit
Just don't go over and visit for now and then as she gets older and your DH has more time with her then build your own relationship with her without the family around, like taking her out for your own adventures together with your baby as they grow up together. I always took my kids to the lake or beach with picnics, good bonding time and fun and healthy too. She will then remember you on those fond memories rather then the overwhelmed feelings she's likely having now with so many people around coddling her.