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Child Support

cmamma's picture

If my DH pays support for his 2 children, does that mean his ex-wife is supposed to supply clothes for her home and ours? Whenever we have the kids, she sends them to us in rags. She says if we send them home in new clothes then she will. It is my understanding, since I have a child with someone else that child support goes for clothes in general. So she should send the kids to us in the clothes we pay support for?! I know I had to when my child was young. What is this, her sending the kids to us in ill fitted clothing, basically rags!!!

somerg's picture

look on your decree, in oklahoma they normall state that clothes should be "free flowing" but i don't know a single set of parents who don't have issues with that.

we make my skids pack their clothes and just take them back and forth all together. solved our problem

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

No, that's not what it means. It's still DHs responsibility to provide for the kids when they're at his house. Buy them a few outfits that do not go back and forth. Let BM know that they will be sent home in exactly what they show up in. We have exchange outfits for SD8. We keep all her good clothes for school here because if we don't we won't see them again. BM collects all the nice stuff an passes it down to her other 4 kids (not DHs).

newsm2011's picture

YEs...This is exactly what we do....and now she sends them in nicer clothes...becasue the ones we buy stay at home. Sorry.

lm862003's picture

Yeah, I've dealt with the whole clothing thing. When I pick my son up from his mom's house, I make a note of what he was wearing and just send him home with that outfit for his dropoff. For his time here, I have a few pairs of pants, underwear, shirts, a jacket, etc. Kids clothes are pretty cheap. This is, actually, the least of my problems as it pertains to the arrangement with my son's mom Smile

BellaMia's picture

I would just be happy if BM would WASH the clothes, never mind if they are nice, not-so-nice or if she bought them or we did...

We don't have any issues with it because we just send the kids back in what they came. And if they're going from our house to BMs', we pack simple stuff. SS11 knows for himself that his BM's house is filthy and the people she hangs out with are seedy. He started packing his not-so-nice clothes, wearing his grubby sneakers, etc... when he visits her. He won't even take his handheld video game player. We never had to say anything to him... After a while, kids see for themselves... Smdh

overit2's picture

I don't get how this is such a big issue really. I normally buy the kids clothing. My ex will still on hiw own-never asked buy them on ocassional shirt, or pair of shoes.

I normally pack the kids bags...that is about to change as they are older. I'm an overpacker though. But I send a combination of play clothes, and one nice outfit, since they normally are only there 3 days a month.

he's pretty good at returning things-sometimes he'll forget stuff and i get irritated-like the kids Nintendo DS>..really??? But he never washes the clothes- Lately I have taken to (not on purpose but ran out of time) to sending clean clothes and one small bag that still needs to be put in dryer.

On their last long trip last week-I packed quite a few bags-and everything came back washed-i was SHOCKED!

I'm about to do things differently though-I plan to insist he keeps at least some undies/sockes/pjs there. That way we only have to pack a few shirts/pants/shoes. I'm also thinking of getting extra shorts and flip/flops and having him keep them. Tired of this bag packing thing honestly. Yes CS goes for clothing and MUCH more...mien doesn't quite cover half of the expenses but it helps. It's always a nice gesture when my ex gets them things on his own.

bm3sm2's picture

In our state each parent is to provide clothing and food while the children are at their home. I expect my ex to provide clothing for ours while they are there and I ensure my skids have clothes while they are here..

We ensure that clothes are available at the home where purchases by having the kids wear the outfit they came in back home in both situations. That way there is no argument over who buys better stuff. Works well in both cases

cmamma's picture

I thank you all for your comments. BM is a total nightmare though. She NEVER packs the skids clothes for us, this is the whole point. She says we need to supply all clothing at our home and she will supply none. Even though the reason my DH and her aren't together is because she cheated on him with DH's best friend while SS4 was having open heart surgery?@! DH is the best DAD and wanted 50/50 but got 40/60 because BM is a total psycho. She always sends the skids to us in rags, and dresses them is top notch Nordstrom clothing when they are with her. And we PAY child support!! She is always showing up to our home to pick them up in her own designer gear, Lululemon, Nordstrom EVERYTHING! I shop at second hand clothing stores because I can't afford top designer clothes since my kids come first. Not only that bu she is going on her 6th, count it 6th vacation this year with her fiance, and leaving me the SM to take care of all the pick up and drop offs from school with HER kids. I have my own kids I need to worry about, apparently she is not worried about hers...

Whateva's picture

Cmamma
I agree with you and my SO run into this same issue. Nothing more than a bitter, greedy BM! In our case the B get enough money that she should send kids dressed in clean appropriate clothing and not have the nerve to tell SO , if he want to keep a pair of pants at our place then he need to buy them!!! guess what he did buy them with that HIGH ass cs he pays!

cmamma's picture

BTW I have a 15 yr old and I am a BM and I receive NO SUPPORT and have him most of the time. So what is this petty Bullsh@#t about clothing anyway!? I would never do this, and I can't believe I take care of skids and BM has nothing to offer in the way of clothing that we pay for!!!

Rags's picture

Absolutely! For the entire time our son was under a visitation CO and visiting his SpermClan we sent clothes with him on visitation. Occasionally they did not make it home but we always made sure he packed his clothes.

The SpermClan would occasionally buy him clothes while he was on visitation with them and those clothes would make it in to his bag replacing some of the nice stuff we sent but we would call them on it and demand that the stuff we sent be overnighted. They would give us a sheepish “oh, we forgot that stuff” or “oh, that stuff was in the washer but they would send it.

As SS got older and "adult sized" the disappearing clothes issue got worse since his SpermIdiot seems to have liked the AF, Holister, AP, etc....... that SS packed to take on his visitation.

I believe that CS covers the NCP’s obligation for everything required to support that kid with the exception of food and housing when the kid is with the NCP.

As the "dad" in the CP household my perspective may seem strange but I think NCPs tend to get hosed by the courts. The NCP should not have to pay CS and supply a complete visitation wardrobe for the kids. Particularly for a visitation schedule that is long distance. By the time my SS would have been able to wear clothes kept in SpermLand he would have outgrown them. As much as I love torturing the SpermIdiot and the SpermClan even I am not evil enough to force them to provide a complete wardrobe for the Skid while he is on visitation.

Besides, anything they would have provided he would have been embarrassed to wear. When he was 10 a cold front blew in during a summer visitation and SpermGrandMa made my SS wear her pink ski parka. He was mortified. We told her to get him a coat and we would reimburse her for the cost. She was afraid we would stick her with the cost of a new coat since she and her spawn made it a habit to stick us with any medical costs incurred for SS when he was on visitation. When SS got home she called and demanded the pink ski parka back. We took it to the goodwill donation box.

IMHO of course.

herewegoagain's picture

NO WAY! CS pays for what that child would have had if he was still living with BOTH parents...that includes CLOTHES! That is BS...Buy the kid a couple of BIG outfits and everytime he goes home, make him change...if he complains, then have your DH stand in front of the house waiting for the idiot to give her kids decent clothing...I can assure you that anyone at her house will be appalled that she's pulling this...that is what my DH did after TWO years of us buying clothes, her taking them and sending her kid in rags again...CS is for EVERYTHING...

For those of you who think CS does not cover everything, obviously you get 100USD a month...because there is NO WAY IN HECK that ANY child uses 900USD in a month in living expenses...

youngmama1b1g's picture

Child support is actually to even the standard of living between the two homes the child has. If you can afford to outfit him in $5 outfits, then thats what he should be wearing all the time. Now unless the children are packing bags to go to and fro, you have to provide clothing for them. So technically, you are on the hook to buy some clothes.
We had an issue after my SS4 had a growth spurt and all his pants that he was dropped off in for a couple months were short. I got tired of making sure he wore those pants back to his moms. So after awhile, I just asked her directly "Have you not gotten the chance to get him new pants? Because I've been noticing he's wearing a lot of highwaters. I know we just picked up a bunch from Kohls-they had a sale- since hes grown and all." She didnt really say anything to me about it, but she called SO bitching about how I shouldn't talk to her about his clothes, that it was his job to bring it up. Needless to say, his pants always fit him now.
And she's got issues about his clothing too. She once asked for a jacket that he had worn underneath his winter coat when she dropped him off. It was 20 degrees warmer the day she was picking him up.
SO and BM have had talks about the ratty clothing already. He told her, since youre getting my money, he should be showing up in a new outfit every time you drop him off. While that's not followed anymore (for like 3 weeks to a month after he had brand-new stuff on), no more ratty clothing in sight.
Otherwise you can technically document the ratty clothing as improper care. Hello contempt of court, child neglect and/or child protective services.

Rags's picture

I disagree that CS is intended to level the standard of living between both parental homes. CS is the NCPs portion of the cost of caring for the child with the exception of housing and food when in the NCPs home.

In some of the more socialist leaning jurisdictions the idiot bottom 10%er judges on the family law bench may think this way but that is a character flaw on their part and not the intent of CS.

If CS were intended to level the SOL for the child between their two homes then in my SS's situation we (the CP household) would be paying the NCP CS. They struggle to feed him when he is on SpermClan visitation and bitch incessantly about how expensive it is when he is visiting. They also complain about how he does not need the things we provide for him and how it is unfair that he has these things and his half sibs don't. His clothes tend to stay in SpermLand especially when he got to the sizes that his SpermIdiot could wear.

Just our experience and IMHO of course.

swstepmom's picture

Same problem here....my ss10 is always dressed in the most horrible clothing when he is sent here to us.....even if we buy him new clothes he takes them home with him since we don't see him often and yet again sent back to us in crappy, stinky clothing again. We don't have room for anything of his because most of all our stuff is in storage since we are staying with my parents since we are unable to get a house because of child support crap on my dh's record......it's a crappy situation no matter how you look it when it comes to having skids.....

lucy girl's picture

Our BM has five kids (under age Dirol with 4 dads. DH is father to #2 and the ONLY one paying support. BM does not work so DH's CS is her only "income". Three of the kids are in school and require uniforms. BM asked DH to buy SS his uniforms, which he did. The problem was that she gave the new clothes to kid number 1 and makes ss wear hand me downs.

cmamma's picture

HAH! I love you guys, you made my day:) I am watching ss4 right now, and he refuses to come out of his room because he is waiting until "Power Rangers" comes back on. I tell him to play imagination games with me and DH's 15 month old, but NOOO, he just wants his damn tv on in his room. Well at least the tv in the living room isn't hijacked anymore thanks to me. I set up some ground rules. Thanks to everyone who responded, I now have a clearer idea of what cs goes for and how much it is being taken advantage of in ALL our lives. I especially liked "Rags" response. I love the "spermidiot" term used, haha, this place is so great to vent!

somerg's picture

i wont lie as a bm...the day her dear cs paying daddyo starts letting clothes flow freely to my house too then i'll send her in her GOOD clothes. until then...she'll go in the raggiest clothes i have for her (which are no worse then knee hole jeans)

burn me all you want that's how i role

skids also pack their bags (for diff reasons)

so no cs does not cover clothes for both homes in my world.

SHOULD IT? probably

does it? not in the least