How old are the kids? Because it is on BM and DH to teach them manners (ie. addressing Christmas cards to both the bio-parent and their spouse).

Also, many kids do want to have a good relationship with the dad and SM but do not out of fear of BM's retaliation. It is easier for any human to upset people you don't live with over people you do, especially when the person you live with is often the person you care about the most in the world (often mom).

Read up on Parental Alienation Syndrome. It sounds like that may be occuring here.

Also, consider seeking counseling to deal with the resentment, and keep coming here. You don't want to explode on your DH or the skids, but you need to get the resentment out somehow and somewhere. Consider exercising more to decrease stress. And try to remember that the kids did not ask to be in this situation either and, in reality, do not and will not have much, if any, power to change the situation until they are adults.

I know how you feel all too well. I completely resent that BM & skid even exist because of all of the money BF has to pay for CS! When he was married to her they had houses, new cars, etc. now that he has to pay her so much for one fucking kid they have together my BF has to live in a room in an apt with a roommate with barely any privacy, drive a beat up truck and I have no idea when we will EVER be able to have a house of our own or him get a new vehicle...all while BM gets a new car every 1-2 years, gets her hair, nails, tanning etc all on MY BF'S DIME!!!!!

I HATE that sooo much! If I didnt love my BF so damn much I would leave! I hate his situation so much! I hate that some greedy gold digging bitch gets so much of his money and we barely make it by. All for this fucking kid she had with him!!!!

I feel the same way. SD14 has been ignoring her father for months now, even after he tried forcing her to resume regular visits. She didn't call or text or return his calls and texts over Christmas while I was gone to Detroit either. Yet, I just dropped the CS payment to BM in the mail today and it just sucks having to pay for a kid that doesn't want jack shit to do with her father and all he cares about is spending time with her.

I pay $500 a month in CS to my ex for my STB15 daughter in Michigan and she still needs basic things like Midol and deodorant!! When I went up there I had to buy her medications and simple t shirts and jeans. God only knows what my ex spends my CS money on, but it sure ain't her! Sickening.

My exhusband had cs and my ex bf had cs, and the way I saw it when they grumbled about it was..."Look at it this way, if you were still married to her, she would cost you even more. At least you have your freedom and have the rest of your paycheck to do with what you want, without her input. You would be supporting your children if you were in the same home, PLUS her various needs...you are just upset that you have no say in how that money is spent..." As someone dating/married to a man paying cs, you have a choice to leave. If you can't get over it, that resentment is going to take years off your life. The men should be sending the checks and handling cs money 100%. It shouldn't even be a monthly thought for anyone but the dad.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Read what 'my.kids.mom' said again its good advise.

It is what it is. This problem is in your head not in your living room or den. From your point of view this is no different an obligation than if he ran up a credit card touring the world before he met you. He's gotta pay it off no matter what you think.

Now lets work on your head. As long as you continue to fixate on what you don't have you can't see what you do have. I was a kidney dialysis patient. This medical treatment effectively takes 3 out of 4 days of your life. Forever - unless you can get a kidney transplant which I did. I talked with fellow patient who moaned about losing 3 days every week instead of spending those three days planning on what they could do with the 4 they had left.

You've got to do something similar and all it takes is a change of mental attitude. Put any thoughts of the money out of your head. When they enter forcefully think of something else - some other problem you have to solve, some project that needs to be done or some positive thing coming up in the future.

If you continue to do this, like a bad habit being broken, the negative thoughts will return less and less often. For your mental well being you've got to do this.

Or just leave. Which will it be?