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Yellow glasses's picture

Submitted by Yellow glasses on Thu, 09/16/2021 - 3:02pm

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General Discussion

So my ex keeps love bombing me, as he did the first time we broke up and well this time I don't entertain him, he's blocked and all but he keeps trying.

Anyway, my dillema is everytime I talk to him about past rel problems and his dysfunctional dynamic and expectations, being a Disney dad and a abusive partner, he still gets super defensive even if he claims to want to heal and start therapy.

Why is that? Why cant these people asumme the baggage they carry from past divorces and the way they parent and all? 

Keep gaslighting me and trying to prove me wrong.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Thu, 09/16/2021 - 3:05pm

Does he have any narcissistic tendencies?

If he is blocked, how is it that you keep talking to him about past problems?

Yellow glasses's picture

Submitted by Yellow glasses on Thu, 09/16/2021 - 3:11pm

No, I dont feel he is, but...I feel more like its about getting validated...as if that he deserves love.

And he contacts me via sms, and we got there in a discussion one time. 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 09/16/2021 - 3:19pm

Some people aren't capable of insight and personal growth. They are too fragile and well- defended. Time to block him in every way. 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Thu, 09/16/2021 - 4:07pm

Until he has at least 6 to 9 months in therapy. LOL .   He not going to do real therapy, may go two or three times. But that will be it. He only needs two sections to be fixed, 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 09/17/2021 - 11:16pm

Why in the #3!! are you speaking to this guy?  You have dumped him twice for any number of reasons.  So, why keep going back to the toxic gene pool trough?

You have to value yourself and care for yourself more than that.  

Quit letting him suck you back in.  Grow some testicular fortitude and cut him off... completely.

Block, ignore. End of problem.

Yellow glasses's picture

Submitted by Yellow glasses on Fri, 09/17/2021 - 10:19am

I tried ignoring, keeps popping up. I had also good stuff happening in this rel so it's not so critical. I had my share of missgivings.

I do now realize he cant take accountability for his part and gets defensive, projecting, blaming. Etc.

So I agree some people are lost causes.

relationshipguru's picture

Submitted by relationshipguru on Fri, 09/17/2021 - 12:16pm

Narcissists don't change without wanting to change and years of therapy. Even then it is questionable. Narcissists will do all sorts of things, gaslight you, lie to you, badmouth you behind your back, manipulate you, verbally abuse you, use you for money, sex, free babysitting,etc. even accuse you of being a narcissist. We all have some baggage and make mistakes in relationships. The difference is narcissists usually don't change and are always looking to use and manipulate people for whatever they need at the time (usually money and free babysitting).

nappisan's picture

Submitted by nappisan on Mon, 09/20/2021 - 12:47am

whether a narcissists or just plain slefish and self centered, these people rarely grow emotionally ive found out .  the are just too plain self absorbed to even want to consider anyone else.  they lack basic empathy.  I dont think they ever improve themselves, not because they cant but because they dont want to.  My DH is super defensive about anything, literally anything ,,,dont even try and raise an issue about his son unless prepared for the response you will get.   they are extremely hard people to live with and i think they are miserable no matter what is happening in ther lives.  He will be love bombing you for his own purposes only , he will be lonely, thats all.  as soon as you try to mention the work it requires to make it work ,, he will not want to know.  throw this one back      

Yellow glasses's picture

Submitted by Yellow glasses on Mon, 09/20/2021 - 2:05pm

You nailed it. Everytime I tried talking and resolving or bringing up a normal set of rules, I would either get backlash, resistence, projection. Crazymaking.

Or a literal indiference, masked in love bombing and so called compromise on his side, usually when things ended or about to end.

Ow and if I would fight back, not give in...radio silence.

nappisan's picture

Submitted by nappisan on Tue, 09/21/2021 - 2:13am

they think by hearing you out that is thier compromise.  I lived with a DH like this for 6 years and now we have lived apart for almost 2 years.  Ive had no contact with him for the last 2 weeks because i was fed up of going round in circles.  He wants me .....but only on his terms of course .  He loves me .....but once again on his terms.  He wants to spend a life with me ..... as long as its on his terms.  This is all your life will be!   Once again , he is only in contact with you because HE is lonely ,,,NOT because he cares for you or misses you or is concerned if your ok. hes only thinking of himself first and how its making him feel!   With my DH , he was raised as a spoilt brat and always had his own way, its in him and theres no compromise with anything,, why should there be , hes always been given anything he wants ,, he purely has no interest in anyone elses wants/needs/feelings!  Silence speaks louder than words with these types of people , cut him off