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Could I have handled this differently when ambushed by Evil Adult SD?

NobodyMom's picture

Went to SS19 HS graduation with DH a few weeks back.   DH agreed we would hang out ourselves and told SS19 to go be with his family that he hardly ever sees and enjoy himself.  Reminded him we will be together next week for our beach vacation & wedding and would have plenty of time together then.

Graduation was held at a large outside venue. SS19 out of town family from mom's side (including Evil SD) picked him up early morning from our house and we left later...hoping we would not run into them at such a big place (SD banned from our home due to nastiness towards me).

As other graduation stuff was going on, I made a quick run to the ladies room so I could get back in time to see SS19 walk across stage and thought I saw Evil SD walk by me.  Talked myself out of that in the ladies room and just focused on returning to my seat by walking quickly in the pouring rain. Heard footsteps chasing me and realized Evil SD was behind me shouting "congratulations on your upcoming marriage!" and "I know you saw me earlier!".  I was not happy she stalked me from the ladies room and chased me down, while appearing aggressive and upset when speaking to me. Given her history and I didn't want to miss SS19 accepting his diploma, I rolled my eyes at her and kept walking as I was not going to tell her thank you (been no contact for years now since she caused so much ugly drama).  SD said  something unintelligible while blocking my path...so I just angrily said BYE to her.  Then she proceeded to step in front of my path and block me again!  I switched directions a couple more times and she blocked me each time!  I was PISSED and my fight or flight instinct kicked in...so then I shouted "quit harassing me!".  At that point she said "I'm trying to apologize...blah blah" while acting like I was being mean for trying to get back to my seat.  My harassment comment got her to quit blocking my path but she delayed me long enough I missed SS19 walk across stage. Which means she missed it too...traveled hundreds of miles to see her younger brother's graduation and missed his walk!

DH was pissed too when I told him.  Said this was SS19 day, not her day. I told DH this felt like a setup for her drama to try and make me look bad since Princess claimed she was trying to apologize.  She was in town TWO days before graduation and made multiple trips to our home to pick up SS19 and hang out with him elsewhere.  I said if she was sincere in making amends for her past nasty ugly behavior, she could have asked me nicely to spend a few minutes talking with her during those 2 days...she did NOT.   Even her brothers said what she did was wrong.

I felt ambushed and her aggressive behavior gave me the impression she wanted to give me a hard time about marrying her father.  saying she wants to apologize *after* behaving aggressively set up a bad situation.  She had many opportunities to apologize in past years and REFUSED. I couldn't think fast enough at the time to tell her she had 2 days in town she could have talked to me if she was sincere instead ambushing me coming out of the ladies room at SS19 graduation. Wish I would have said that after her "apology" comment but too late now.

Can a young adult really be this stupid and selfish?  I actually started feeling sorry for her after my anger subsided thinking she must have some mental health issues to do what she did.  She is in her mid-20s now.  I was so upset and angry she ruined my mood and a happy occasion.  Life had been peaceful when I went no contact with her and DH understands that is better for our relationship.  I just really cannot stand her as person as she is impossible to reason with...so much moreso now than ever.   She had too many chances and I am done and over it...I'm in my 50s now and don't need this kind of stress in my life and need to focus on my own health and happiness with DH.  I feel bad as my DH bared the brunt of her crap as I suspected after her stunt where she tried to make me the bad guy and he wasn't having it.

Stepdrama2020's picture

You handled this beautifully. She was harrassing you and you addressed it.

Your SD sounds unhinged. As I was reading I actually thought she was going to strike you, thats how nutty her behavior came across.

Totally 100%, your unhinged SD had TWO days to give her heartfelt ever so sincere apology. NOT!

Keep being you, stay disengaged and crazy SD will keep bearing her ass.

NobodyMom's picture

for a physical altercation and worked hard to keep my cool and not make a scene...there was a huge crowd around and I'm not sure if she was trying to provoke me.  All I know is if she had laid one hand on me I would have unleashed holy hell on her (I am a very peaceful person unless threatened) .  I don't like feeling that way and couldn't believe she resorted to that kind of behavior to try and intimidate me.

 

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

Agree she was stalking and harassing you.

The reason she picked the bathroom at first was so she could lie about what really happened.

Mine is an expert at shit like that and openly attacking under the radar.

Always have witnesses or a cellphone on record when dealing with scum like that.

 

NobodyMom's picture

I can't wrap my head around that mentality.  Never been treated like this my entire life so can't believe I'm dealing with now. I thought we were just peacefully estranging ourselves from each other but I guess I was wrong.

grannyd's picture

 

My Dear, you took the high road and showed your ill-behaved SD how a lady conducts herself. Your classy refusal to be degraded to your SD’s level will only make her dislike you more but regal comportment is its own reward. 

 

NobodyMom's picture

Maybe if she dislikes me enough she will leave me alone now-LOL    She did look dumfounded when I told her to quit harassing me....just stood there with her mouth open...like she was shocked I would see her behavior as harassing or threatening in any way.  I can tell you for sure, her father did not raise her to be that way so not sure how she learned it.