Custody issues
Yesterday, BM asked my DH if she could have the skids on Sunday for their little brother's(from another father) birthday party. Skids time with DH starts Saturday afternoon and ends Tuesday when they leave for school. DH has them for 10 days of the month, BM has them for the rest. So BM asks 3 days before this party (obviously something she knew was coming up), but DH already made plans to take the skids somewhere Sunday morning into the afternoon. He told BM they'll be back around 4pm if she wants to have them for a couple of hours then, but the 10a-2p party time wasn't going to work for him.
Now SD14 is bitching and moaning about them not being able to go to their little brother's birthday party. DH told SD14 that BM should've given him more notice, he already made plans, and if BM has a problem with this she needs to talk to him, not SD. I guarantee BM (SD's BFF) has put a bug in her ear and has been the one behind this.
I think at this point it's pretty obvious that no one will be fun to be around on Sunday. Luckily, I have to work so I am having no part of any of this. But now I feel like keeping their plans on Sunday is a reward (because it's something the skids usually love to do). On the other hand if he lets them go to the birthday party, they get what they want and so does BM (who is a dumb bitch anyway).
Advice?
He should change the plans
He should change the plans from something they love to volunteering at a soup kitchen so the ungrateful brat can learn there are things more important in life than attending parties.
The party starts at 10 and
The party starts at 10 and goes until 2, so BM can't pick them up at noon since she will be there.
BM has been told to give more notice. This isn't the first time we've had this issue with her. But DH usually gives in. He's not putting up with it any longer.
I agree with you Babybugged.
I agree with you Babybugged. As much as I think they need to learn from things like going to a soup kitchen, this is not the ideal time for that.
HRNYC, I am letting DH deal with it. I'm at work and have nothing to do with any of it. He simply asked for my opinion. I agree with his decision. His plans for tomorrow were to take the kids somewhere to have fun. They rarely get to do this thing and my DH enjoys it very much also.
BM does this all the time. Last weekend she took SD14 to little brother's tee-ball game, but knew she needed to be back by a certain time because we had plans in the afternoon. Sure enough, BM didn't want to drive all the way back because she wanted to watch a softball game later on and keep SD. It's DH's weekend with the skids, not hers. She had plenty of advance notice of all of these things and she seems to spring it on us last minute. DH is tired of being the nice guy by letting one or both of the kids go with their mom for a "few hours" just to be walked on and ruining our plans.
Of course, I prefer when the skids aren't around. BUT they are DH's kids and of course he wants to spend time with them. The plan was for them to leave early Sunday morning and be gone until later in the afternoon. DH told BM she could have the kids around 4pm, but that was the soonest they could be home. If he allows them to go to the b-day party, half of his day and his entire plan with them is shot. That's not fair to him. This isn't a punishment for the skids not going. It's either go to a fun b-day party or a fun activity with their dad. BUT BM has a bug in their ear and their anger is coming from her.
Now both SD14 and SS11 are nonstop about how "unfair" and "mean" this is of DH. No matter how many different ways he puts it, they'll never see it from his side. He's always the bad guy. I feel bad for him. At this point he may as well let them go to the b-day party and just go by alone tomorrow and do what he wants to do. I get that it's a family affair with the party, but seriously BM planned this more than 3 days ago, so she should be respectful enough to give DH a head's up. It's not like no one knew the kid's birthday was coming up....and she knew it would be on a weekend the kids were with their dad.
Y'all are gonna give yourself
Y'all are gonna give yourself ulcers over small issues like this. I'd let them go to the party and make up the time later.
This ^ yessss! Exactly! And I
This ^ yessss! Exactly! And I love the name Dahmer!! LOL I call SS11 the serial killer in training....even my mom stated calling him that too!
This sounds so petty to me.
This sounds so petty to me. If the skids want to go to the party they should go. They are not little toddlers. 14 years old is old enough to decide what they want to do. DH is being childish in my opinion.
I think it's crappy that BM
I think it's crappy that BM gave such short notice but thisn't isn't the right event for your DH to put his foot down, imo. I have three younger siblings and when I was a kid I would have never chose some random fun activity over a younger brother or sister's birthday party.