OK, so I am a step mum to two kids (girl 10, boy 13).

These kids are so badly looked after in their basic needs by their mother - for example, I trim my SD's hair and take my SS to the barber because their mother does not bother to do it. I have tried and tried and tried NOT to do it and just ignore the greasy, long hair (which they hate to wash either) hanging in both their faces all the time - BUT I CAN'T DO NOTHING because it drives me crazy.

Recently I had to DE NIT the girl, she was crawling with nits and eggs (yuk). I told the BM when she came to get them and she happily (and laughingly) said that she treated the girl two days before (liar) and that she (BM) had got them too (EWWWW) and gets them all the time. Well that might be acceptable in her house but not in mine. So I then had to nag and nag my DH to get nit stuff and make him treat her and get out all the eggs.

Basically these people have no pride in their personal grooming and appearance at all (like the BM who usually looks like a bag lady).

At this point I will say that my DH is not like that and looks after his own grooming very well. But why can't he put some effort into helping his kids to learn how to look after themselves? Why is it left to me because their mother is a twit.

I just cannot not care about this stuff because I am fussy about my own grooming and made sure that my kids were always clean and tidy. And yes my kids got nits once or twice when they were young but I treated it properly and they were gone. It is not that hard to do.