DD and SD in trouble together
2 overall good kids....SD17 and DD15 are best friends and are here half the time. They are also direct neighbors when they go back to their other parents houses....
Both girls got into some trouble worthy of a lengthy punishment....stealing from stores.
DH and I had discussed that we would hand down punishment together to both of them...all 4 of us in a room.
My exH will NOT speak to me ever so he wasn't willing to talk with me as what to do with our DD......not a word....nothing.
BM and DH decided to get on the same page and give SD a punishment that they would uphold and both houses.....and they did that and then they told SD what her punishment was.
so here I am....my ex won't speak to me on what we should do.....my DH punished his DD with BM and his agreement on what to do.....
so what the heck do I do? Use the same punishment for DD when she is here that SD has? One I had no say in? Come up with my own knowing that when DD goes back to her dads she probably isn't even punished??? So that we can she can avoid my house where the punishment is???
this just sucks.....please help!
Your daughter stole from a
Your daughter stole from a store. Yes, she should receive consequences. I thought you discussed those with your dh, so how did you get "no say" in it?
It sucks that your ex refuses to coparent, but that's pretty common. You can't control that. You can only control what happens in your own home. And you know for a fact your daughter deserves and needs consequences for her choices.
Oh she is most definitely
Oh she is most definitely getting a punishment. we did discuss it but didn't finalize anything....we did it over a few beers. The next day BM called him they finalized the punishment and how long it would last and then handed it down to SD. DH and I were supposed to talk to the girls together in person at home.....
my ex thrives on my kids hating me....I will restrict her and he will probably hand her a new iPhone and some cash.
it's hard to explain.....and although both girls are guilty I do believe my DD is/was the culprit and the master mind. And SD is going to tote a much tougher punishment because it will be from both parents.......
at the end of the day it's easy to say oh you do you and punish your kid....but I have a husband and an ex husband....it would be nice to have a little help and back up from one or both.....
Oh, you don't have to explain
Oh, you don't have to explain. My skids would do stupid shit, DH would issue consequences, then they'd eff off to mom's house where there were never any consequences or silly rules every other week.
It sucks big donky dong, but what can you do? You can't let her run feral....
I would probably ban her from
I would probably ban her from going out anywhere I wasn't present for the time being. Misbehave, and you have to hold mom's hand when you walk through the store.
You have two separate issues
You have two separate issues here: your DD's punishment, and DH cutting you out of the decision when you two had decided to dish out punishment in your home together.
Regarding your DD, punish as you see fit. Don't consult DH. Do what you need to do to teach DD the lesson she needs to learn. I agree with Futuro that it would be good for DD and SD to not be on the same schedule. I'd also consider talking to BM, since the girls are actually friends, and explain that you don't want DD around SD (and you can explain why), but you can't control what your ex does so you'd appreciate if she kept SD and DD separate when SD is with her. You could even explain that you think DD was the instigator, and that putting DD on a different schedule is your way of "protecting" SD.
As far as your DH, make it ABUNDANTLY clear that cutting you out of the conversation made things messy and was highly disrespectful, both because you are his wife AND you're the mother of SD's friend. This didn't just impact SD, and what could have been one cohesive conversation amongst you, DH, and BM now has become a fragmented plan that leaves you stuck between a rock and a hard place where you now have to do it all alone. It was a crap move on his part.
Speaking to BM is out of the
Speaking to BM is out of the question.
I know that DH and BM took SDs driving away and she can't see her boyfriend.....both for 3 weeks. This all just came out this weekend.....
but as I sit here typing......MIL just picked up SD to take her shopping at the mall and I've got my kid here going nowhere.....I guess that makes perfect sense?
I think I'm just so over it all.
I thought you guys would like
I thought you guys would like to know that BM and DH decided that SD17 would be banned from use of vehicles and would not be seeing her boyfriend....for a month. This began on Monday....today BM took SD out and bought her a new car that she is currently riding around in.....
So they both steal....MIL takes SD shopping to the mall and BM buys her a car...makes perfect sense.
and somehow I am supposed to keep my DD punished.
grrrrr