DESPERATE stepdad(65) mother(43)
How do i help my mother who wants to be separated with her husband? She gambles once a week due to boredom and stress from work. She told my stepfather she wanted to move out but he don't want her to. He said they will just laugh at her because she's a gambler and she might pay him money for doing such. I do not understand but is there anything I can do to help my mother overcome this? I can tell she is really tired and suffering from their relationship. My stepfather is a pensioner and she's the one paying rent and house bills.
She's never been on a holiday. When she went her in AU, after few weeks she found a job and just worked and worked. He didn't even bother taking her somewhere out of town or weekend getaway eversince. He's too scared to spend money on her.
Ps. RANT
I do really feel bad for my mum even if we are not that close. I hate my stepdad. When I came here in AU, he complained about me over the phone with his sister telling her that my mum vacuumed and clean my room. Like wtf he was upset about it. Or everytime my mum does a little thing for me.
Plus I even paid him my visa fees, plane tix, pay the house weekly aswell. If he was so concerned about us, money wudnt even be a big deal. He's a smartass manipulator and a backstabber. No wonder his kids ddnt like him and nver talked to him. So much more to tell about him but itll be too long so heah
Please advise
Who is going to laugh at her
Who is going to laugh at her and why would it affect her life decisions anyway?
You cannot interfere in your mother's marriage. She's a grownup. There's more than likely some reasons she wants to actually stay with him or is not quite ready to move on. That's HER choice.
You sound unhappy living in their home. Save up your money and move out. If you're that worried about your mom, get yourself a place big enough to share with her if she ever does need to flee in an emergency.
You'll be a lot happier if you move out so do so right away.
First thing your mother
First thing your mother should do is stop her weekly gambling if she is not happy in her marriage. Whatever amount she is spending she should be putting into a savings account in her name only.
None of the rest of your post makes sense to me.
If you mother is working and paying the bills then why doesn't she kick her husband out? She's not a slave to him, is she? If she can afford to pay all the bills then she should move out on her own.
Maybe the reason your mother hasn't moved out is that your mother doesn't WANT to.
Perhaps it is YOUR wish that they separate. You are living in their home and perhaps you are stirring up the pot because you don't like your stepfather.
It would be interesting to hear your stepfather's take on this situation.
My mother told me that she
My mother told me that she wanted to leave. But because he is too old he cannot afford the rent on his own pension, she still might give him money weekly to help and it's plus to her expenses. Obviously she cant really go out of the relationship that easy. They have joint accounts etc etc. Everytime they talk her husband always trying to look like he's so upset and he might have a heart attcak. Her husband is a great manipulator. It's all about him. I've always wanted to move out just saving up a bit for me and my daughter. And yeah well he smokes inside the house knowing I have a toddler!
My mum always wanted to talk to a counselor but because she works 6days a week she always cant be stuff and spend her time at the pokies machine on her days off.
My stepfather makes her thinks that she owes him everything esp making her a resident here in australia. But WTF she already paid eberything. He never spend anything for my mother
And im pissed about it as a daughter!!!
Oh wow, ok.. So maybe they
Oh wow, ok.. So maybe they should stop including me when they argue I guess? because im always dragged when they fight and argue. They wanna talk to me in the living room bcause mum and stepdad wanted me to say something. They always include me. so i guess i just have to shut up then?
humm why are you involved in
humm why are you involved in other adults life?
It has nothing to do with you, if your mum really wants to leave, she's old enough to do so.
You are responsible for that
You are responsible for that toddler, not him. Those 2 people are adults. Why on earth would you allow yourself to be dragged into their mess?
Tell your mom you wish her the best but her marriage is her own business and unless she needs some real help to get out, you don't want to hear it anymore. I can think of few things worse than constantly being subjected to someone else's complaints about their spouse. DON'T LIVE LIKE THIS!
Smoking is a difficult habit for many people to control. The man is in his own home. He has the right to struggle and fail as much as he wants with his tobacco habit.
YOU do NOT have the right to subject your toddler's growing lungs to smoke.
If you "always wanted" to move out, you would have by now. The fact is you are not saving enough fast enough. Face up to it. You enjoy being recruited by each side of the marriage as they struggle for the high ground. You like it that your vote counts.
For the sake of your baby, untwist yourself from this spaghetti knot. Move out by the end of this month. Tell mom when she's ready to leave you'll be glad to assist until then her marriage needs to be private to her.
Go live a happy life and DO NOT hand down this enmeshment mess to your child. Demonstrate an independent and healthy life to your little one. Stop the chain of dysfunction with you.