I've posted on these forums before, but only a couple of times. Basically, my DH and I each have a child from a previous relationship. Both are 4 yrs old, but 7 months apart, his daughter being older than mine. We're expecting our 1st child together in July. We're in the process of moving into a new home. Things are going great for us. Problem is, his ex wife is a nutcase.

She will go a while without causing any problems, and being totally civil and then she'll just snap and start harassing DH. Sometimes she drags me into it, but she usually doesn't because she knows I have a backbone and I can call her out on her BS. June of 2009, my stepdaughter comes to her with a skid mark in her underwear. Apparently she hadn't wiped herself very well after using the bathroom, and at the time she had just been potty trained. This turned into accusations, that I, apparently, am neglecting her. Which is ridiculous. She made a big stink about it over the phone, and then it was never spoken of again. Never apologized for all of the rotten names she called me, and just pretended like it never happened. Whatever. She actually then proceeded to dump her daughter on us for the next few months because her own life was in shambles. Obviously we are horrible, child abusers... so horrible that her mother would leave her in our care for months at a time.

Since then, there have been other problems with her. Nothing like that, though. Mostly just harassing DH about needing more money, being angry that I bought myself a new car with my own savings, being irritated that DH asked me to marry him. The same old ex wife BS that I hear talked about here on a regular basis. I can handle that. Fast forward to yesterday. I get a text message at 9am from her, with pictures of my stepdaughter's ear where an earring had been in it. There was a red, raised blister or bump around the hole in her ear. It looked like she had a reaction to the earring, or something along those lines. BM picked SD up from preschool Thursday afternoon, and took her back to her house for her custody time. Those earrings were placed in her ears on Wed night, and soaked in a solution before they ever touched her ears. Sooo, whatever happened to her ears happened between Wed night and Sunday monring when I got that text message, and SD wasn't here with us during that time! I calmly responded and explained what had gone on here, and that SD didn't even have earrings in for the majority of her visit here. Her ears were perfect, and normal Wed night, and she came to school with a clean, new pair of studs in her ears. I said it looked nasty, and I felt sorry for SD... maybe DH and I need to stick to gold posts, or posts for ultra sensitive ears. BM isn't hearing any of that. She's basically insisted that we must have done something to cause this to happen. Then she starts making up lies about the condition of SD after she was returned to her, once I had an explanation for the earring incident. She then claimed SD had chapped lips and a ring of black dirt around her neck. I said it's not possible she came to you dirty, since she was scrubbed from head to toe Wed night before she was dropped off at preschool... if there was any dirt, it came from her playing outside at school. I don't doubt she had chapped lips, though. SD came to us this last time with her lips red and chapped, and she was red all the way down her chin. DH was horrified at the sight of her mouth. It got that way because SD picks at her mouth. It's a very strange habit. She will pick her lips and lick them until they're raw. We keep Carmex here for her lips, and are always on top of her about making sure she doesn't pick at her lips. I offer her rewards if I see her go a long stretch without picking at them, the reward being a new lip balm. But I'm sure that once she was away from us at school, she went to town on her lips. So, no surprise there.

BM demands that she talk to DH and I in person. We say fine, we'll come together to drop my daughter off at preschool, and we'll see her there and meet her somewhere to talk about it. BM texts DH this morning and low and behold, SD is "sick", and they won't be at preschool today. Sounds like someone doesn't want to have a conversation after all, and maybe feels like a total idiot for the crap she pulled. DH doesn't believe SD is sick, and is irritated that BM is keeping her out of school today and involving her in this crap.

I am SO SICK, of dealing with a bi-polar BM. I even told her, getting all riled up and pointing a finger at us every time something unusual happens with SD is getting OLD! And why not give DH a call and talk about it like an adult? When you are sending nasty text messages, dripping with sarcasm about the incident, that is not a mother worried about their child's well being. That is high school BS. I offered her my sympathies, and a solution. She isn't hearing any of it. She just wants to point a finger at us and say, "you caused this".

I go very far out of my way to make sure SD goes back to her mom's house looking perfect. Clothes washed and ironed, hair styled, always bathed the night before. I never get a thank you for being the one to pick SD up from school because mom had a fight with her boyfriend. Or taking her in for months at a time because mom can't get her act together. Or registering SD for preschool and filling out all of the paperwork with DH because mom can't bother to do it herself. Yet, as soon as something like this happens, I am a neglectful stepparent. Makes me SICK.