Tonight DH phones YSD for like the 4th or 5th time in three days. She hasn't picked up the phone, or responded to his messages. So he just keeps calling and calling and calling. Tonight she finally picks up. She is coming home end of week and will be here over Christmas and New Years (between BM's place and ours, DH's eldest daughter's etc..)

We knew this of course and DH just wants to work out the details. All of this is fine except that DH uses these calls/situations to try to get a reaction out of me. I mean seriously, the man tries to make me jealous?! :? :? :? He isn't satisfied that I'm just pleased she's coming and looking forward to entertaining her, going to the various events planned including a very large bridal shower her future MIL is holding etc...

I like YSD and all is good between her and I. We get along great. And so DH enjoys having his wife fawn over his adult daughter, cater to her, and make her feel very loved and welcome in our place. But, DH also tries to make me feel insecure about it. He really does! I realize this stems from the fact that it is he in fact that gets insecure about my family and friends...he always has to be the center of attention and as long as they are all kissing his ass life is great, but if not, well he is as quietly nasty to me as he can be. So when it's his family or friends visiting, he actually goes out of his way to say or do things that might make me feel insecure, hurt or jealous, and that makes him feel all secure and happy and then he is just wonderful and great to me when he thinks he's accomplished that

I realize some of this also honestly stems from DH feeling guilty about the divorce, still lives in fear his kids will walk out of his life one day, so that is the other reason he will really play it up when he is with YSD. He goes overboard with the drama of how much he misses her, loves her, she is the most important thing going on in his life etc... I'm not saying there isn't truth in some of that, of course he loves her and is proud of her and misses her, but he plays it up big time to score bonus points with her, and if he thinks it may knock me down a few pegs at the same time and bring me to feeling as insecure as he usually does about my family and friends, then he couldn't be happier to carry on that way

But tonight he took it too far

So he is asking YSD what time she plans to come on Saturday, do we need to drive out to pick her up (knowing we have no time to do that but not caring) and what time she'll be leaving on Sunday. He tells her there is no rush, stay all day, we have nothing going on - even though he is fully aware we are supposed to be seeing my mom and bringing her Christmas gift etc...

Of course I fall into DH's trap of saying that yes it would be great, the only thing we have going on is to visit my Mom later, but that we can skip the visit it's not an issue, and DH says under his breath to me "what's the problem I see my kid once a year" but still YSD and her finance who was on the phone could have heard it

After they hung up I tried to calmly explain to DH that his comment was not appropriate. I've done nothing but be supportive and sincerely look forward to her visit. the plan was to see my Mom after breakfast when YSD and her finance left, so since he changed the plan I simply mentioned as a reminder we were supposed to do that but I would cancel, but by him saying what he did for YSD to hear, that creates problems between us.

DH thinks he'll just look great in front of his daughter taking on his wife over her and while that may happen, it also leads her to believe that I don't care about her or want her here or have a problem with her being here, and none of that is true in the slightest, much to DH's disappointment!

This is what bugs me so much about DH sometimes. He is stirring the pot and deliberately creating a problem where none exists. He wants to appease his guilt and fear with his daughter so carries on a ridiculous drama act - like when he asked her if she would prefer red or white wine while here and she says that lately she has been drinking red more, his responses is this "Aaaaaawwwwwww YSD, that is so cute, you like red, aaaawwwww sweetheart" while looking over at me to see if it's triggering any sort of reaction. Seriously! Grow up already

And of course when I mentioned my Mom, well that was exactly the trap he set, so he could pounce on me and carry on as if mean Disillusioned had a problem with him seeing his adult daughter....which BTW we will see many times over the next three weeks. She is all grown up and getting married, moved out west several years ago, comes home most summers and over the Christmas holidays, we go visit her out west and we call her every single week.

My Mom is 85 and in a senior's home and who knows how long she will be around. I have my issues with her but she is still my Mom, I still try to see her every other week (and we see DH's dad the alternate week) and this visit was important too