Different parenting values step child
Help needed.
I have 3 adult left home children and have now re-married and have gained a part time 4 year old SD. The issue is her mother is raising her very differently to how my children were raised and it is causing much friction. She is being raised as a vegan/planet saving child who is being allowed to express herself how she wants 'to allow creative development'
We are not vegan, i have no problem with veganism, its the brainwashing that goes with it that is the problem. The 4 year old has been told to challenge all food, doesnt eat vegetables or nuts and wont believe me if i say something is vegan. So its causing fallout every meal time.
There are things i dont agree with too like not flushing the toilet. She has no table maners etc.
It is difficult to go on outings as she just runs off all the time as she has been given no boundaries. She is allowed to dress herself in what she chooses so always looks like and unloved orphan in miss matched clothes. She starts school soon but still is in nappies at night as she is to be allowed to wear them as long as she wants.
She was given a present recently but it was thrown back at the giver because it was plastic.
I know its not her fault but im just really struggling to deal with her. I have no contact with her mother and her dad just goes along with it for an easy life. Its got the stage where i feel i can't be around when she is here.
Any tips ?
How can she be vegan if she
How can she be vegan if she doesn't eat vegetables or nuts?
Run
your SO is also allowing this
The child is 4. Are you
The child is 4. Are you prepared to deal with this for the next 14 years?
ALMOST A DECADE AND A HALF.
At least.
Seriously. Think long and hard about the answer to that question. Things likely will not get better; in fact, probably worse.
Sometimes "love" is not enough to sustain a relationship.
You can have a healthy vegan
You can have a healthy vegan diet, but not without vegetables and nuts. My 3 year old is almost vegan and at the top of the WHO percentiles, but I make sure he eats a variety of foods and gets appropriate supplementation. Google “Dad’s Sneaky Pudding” for a high calorie, nutrient dense smoothie that tastes like chocolate pudding. Your SD would like it.
As for not flushing the toilet does it have anything to do with saving water? I know some families like to let the yellow mellow in order not to waste water with each flush. Maybe that’s where her mother is coming from?
I have alot of respect for
I have alot of respect for people that have values and beliefs like veganism (is that even a word? I'm not sure lol) it's not for everyone I couldn't do it but I sure am glad there are people on this earth that are invested in saving the planet and the animals.
However throwing a gift back at someone because it's plastic is maybe a step a bit too far, although I must admit I did chIckle to myself as I read that bit. she sounds like a real little eco warrior in the making. As someone else said the not flushing the toilet is probably the way she's been brought up to save water.
Personally I don't think your DH should try and discourage her out of this way of life even if you and him don't participate. It may seem a little crazy to some people but there is definitely good intent behind it all. And if that is you're only issue ie there's no real mean behavior I think it's just a case of accepting that some people are different and just because they're different doesn't make them wrong.
The nappies at bedtime....yep my daughter was the same up until about 3 months before she started school . They all get there and as long as she's out of them by school I wouldn't worry that it's too abnormal yet.
Pretty simple. When the Skid
Pretty simple. When the Skid is in your home it eats what it is served or it goes hungry. My guess is after a few short hours of hunger pangs the kid will be sucking down Twinkies and Chicken McNuggets like they are candy.
smh
There are as many or more studies that show high protein high fat diets are the healthiest as there are studies that support veganism or vegetarianism. Humans evolved, or were created depending on one's perpectuve, as hunter gatherers. As such the most healthy diet for humans is high protein, high to moderate fats and low to moderate carbs.
If there is not a health related reason for going one way or the other the best option is a balanced diet of meat and vegetables.
The food fascists drive me more nutz than the religious zelots do.
People need to use their brains.
I know its not her fault but
I know its not her fault but im just really struggling to deal with her.
So don't deal with her. Disengage and have your H deal with EVERYTHING that pertains to her. Let him prepare her meals, let her dress however she wants, she doesn't accept certain gifts-don't give her anything. Don't make this harder than it needs to be. Don't take this stress and burden on, its not yours. Its ALL on her father. He disciplines her and YOU live your best life without blinking twice. She's not your problem.
Exactly.
Exactly.
I know the restrictive diet is hard to deal with when it's not the same as your own diet. My SD11 is a super picky eater. It's next to impossible to make a meal she eats without nasty faces and pouting. Unless it's ramen, which is totally unhealthy but she would eat for every meal if she was allowed. I digress.
I do the cooking in our house, and I've fought hard against the idea of being a short order cook who makes separate meals for each person. Our kitchen is not a restaurant, and neither is yours. I have the luxury of having older SDs so they are old enough to find/make their own alternate food if they don't like what I cook. Since your SD is 4, that's a little different.
Remember, you are not the one who is causing or has caused your SD to choose limited foods. She is choosing food based on her mom's influence. Your DH can do the same with her at your house. He can be a parent and influence his kid's eating. If he doesn't want to work on getting her to eat a wider variety of foods and chooses to support her vegan diet, then he can shop for and make special foods for her. Since this is causing you angst, step away from the responsibility and let DH handle feeding his kid.
I know it's hard not to feel guilty, but sometimes you have to step away from a responsibility you don't have to take on if it's causing you problems.
Everyone is going to have to
Everyone is going to have to understand different houses have different rules. BM can feed her whatever she wants and choose to flush her toilet or not, but at your house you may eat differently and require the toilet to be flushed. That's an issue every stepchild I've ever known has had (dealing with different rules/different houses).
And yikes - you have 3 adult children and want to do this all over again?! God bless you. I would honestly recommend disengaging. It's up to your DH to raise this child, provide for her, and feed her. It is not your responsibility. You cook whatever you want to cook and if she doesn't eat it, DH will have to find something for her. No more outings - I am not running after someone else's kid. The only thing I would be explaining to her (from what you have posted) if that in your house, we do need to flush the toilet regardless of what she does at her mom's, if that is important to you. I get the saving water aspect but whenever someone doesn't flush I can smell pee throughout the whole bathroom so flushing is a must in my house.