"Do the 2 of you have kids?"
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I am a childless stepmonster. 
When people ask DH and I the question: "Do the 2 of you have kids?" I always answer "NO!".
I think this really pisses DH off. I think he'd rather I say: "Oh, yes... we have three beautiful step$&*@(#!s."
I came to a realization when I began to disengage that I chose NOT to have kids for a reason. I chose to be with DH because of HIM - not because of his kids.
I don't identify myself as a stepmom. I am a woman - married to a man, who just happens to have kids. They visit sometimes... kind of like when your MIL visits for the weekend.
This likely sounds horrible... but it helps me keep my sanity.
I hate when I get asked
I hate when I get asked questions like that. Esp in front of Dh. I used to include the skids. Now I saw that I have two little boys. Sometimes I add that I have two stepkids as well
Dh always watches me and let's me answer when we are together. Waiting to judge what I say. But I no longer care what he thinks and I will say we have two together and he has another two from before we met. He hates it, but oh well. I am not claiming those train wrecks.
When someone asks me I say "I
When someone asks me I say "I have a daughter and he has a daughter, but no, we have no children together". I don't say I have 2 daughters, nor do I say I'm a step mom. I acknowledge both kids, but only claim my own!
I will say No, I have a
I will say No, I have a daughter and leave it at that. If DH feels any way about that, he hasn't said. If HE chooses to answer the question and say he has a Son, that's up to him. But I don't say that because the kid is not his bio child.
Exactly! If he wants to speak
Exactly! If he wants to speak up and claim the monsters, he can. I am certainly not! :sick:
I struggle with this same
I struggle with this same thing. I have NEVER wanted kids. The idea of having the word "mother" or "mom" attached to me, in general, makes me sick.
DH doesn't say anything when I say "No." Although, he's asked once. I just brushed him off and played semantics - "Honey, they asked if WE had kids... which I took to mean *together!".
Ugh. Sometimes I just wish I could have met the version of him without kids.
i am a childless stepmom as
i am a childless stepmom as well, but SD4 lives with us, so when asked, we answer 'yes'. If she didn't live with us, i would answer 'no'. The reasons are simple: when you live with the child, your life really revolves around the child, your schedule, your recreation, etc are all coordinated around it. So, no matter how i may feel about her, we, DH and i do have a child (that we take care of) together.
I can understand that,
I can understand that, actually. Fortunately... I only deal with 1/3 skids EOW. SD13 and SD16 don't generally want to exercise their time with DH. We only have SS10 on Saturday & Sunday 2x per month... so I don't feel like I need to "claim" it. }:)
When someone ask me I say, DH
When someone ask me I say, DH have one and I have two so we have 3 children. That's to keep the peace. lol
I just say, "No, but DH has 2
I just say, "No, but DH has 2 daughters."
That doesn't bother him but it does bother him that I say I'm not a Grandma. Well, I'm not.
It may be a little harsh to
It may be a little harsh to him that you just say "No." and in his mind try to pretend that they do not exist. Trust me, I wish I could do the exact same thing sometimes. But they are still a huge part of him and mean everything to them, so why not just tone down the harshness for his sake, not theirs, by responding with "He does." It wouldn't feel like a dagger to a man you supposedly love but at the same time, it will get the point across that "Not only no, but hell no" you don't.
I agree. No matter how
I agree. No matter how little joy the SKs bring, they exist and if the tables were turned i would be very hurt by someone who would deny the existence of my children. I don't even like it when my DH says, "your boys". I have suggested several times that we say "our kids" for all of them. I wonder if there is a way for you to answer that question with a formula that would take into account both points of view.
That is too funny! I feel the
That is too funny! I feel the exact same way about my DH & his kids......only I do have my own kids. I admit to having them, but not to having skids.
That is the way to say too. I
That is the way to say too. I have kids DH has a kid but we have none together and we live like rock stars EOW. ... Then me and DH usually click our beer bottles and says cheers