Do you ever feel like your husband sided with his ex ALL THE TIME
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Ok...question people
My husband was divorced 5 or so years before I met him. He has a stepdaughter.
Well...lets just say all my husband does is talk about his life pre-ME. Well this is how the ex did it or omg I just loved my ex in laws.
He and the child even have long talks about the ex family...which is her family, right in front of me. It really puts me in an awkward position.
I have come so close to telling him that I DO not want to here him mention their name around me. If him and his daughter want to talk about that then I WILL LEAVE THE ROOM!
I really feel like he likes his ex family more than he likes mine. It really hurts me.
My DH will "take up" for
My DH will "take up" for PsychoSponge and it makes me SO mad!!! After ALL that she had done to annoy us and cause trouble!!!! He will never call her out on her shit and if for once she is actually somewhat civil...he thinks it's just wonderful! GRRRR
Now if he were to talk about when they were together...I would probably choke him to death! He had better not EVER do that if he values his life!
****I can do bad all by myself****
If I were you, and I have
If I were you, and I have been doing this also...I would LEAVE them all by themselves and go out and have a grand ol' time all by myself and take pics of ME.
IMO~
I like this idea! ****I can
I like this idea!
****I can do bad all by myself****
Ok, so first and foremost -
Ok, so first and foremost - I TOTALLY can underdtand where you are coming from and what you are feeling. I think or would assume at least that a lot of people have felt the same way, including myself.
The thing that I think you need to try and remember, is that in divorce situations, no matter what the situation or reasoning, kids or not, etc. - You are divorcing that one person, not an entire family. Especially when there is a lot of years between the two people.
I was with my exhusband for 12 years, and I still adore his family. The riff was between the ex and I, not his or my family members. ( I understand sometimes those family members Do in fact cause issues, but I am saying in general)
I also have felt the same way with my new(er) and wonderful boyfriend, when his girls talk about Grandma(his ex's Mom) and he has something to say. Or His ex's brother, etc.
Its a hard thing to hear, because you obviously associate the ex with the present then. It is a hard thing.
But I look at it this way. First, my man would not be with me if he didnt want to be. He is with me because he loves me, not her. If he wanted to be with her(the ex) he would be. He divorced her for a reason. I find him still caring for those ex family members, a good and positive quality in him, because that means he does not judge others based on ONE other persons(EX)actions. I see them as still his friends, not really family members.
I would NEVER in a million years be with my EX again. However, I think his family is still wonderful, and I for one would be very hurt if we still couldnt be friends.
I dont know if this all makes sense, but its just my opinion.
dsp: Ok, you don't "divorce"
dsp: Ok, you don't "divorce" your ex's family depending on how long you are married to that person, but at the same time the interactions DO have to change, because ultimately it is your Ex's family, not yours, like it or not. you will move on, your ex will move on, he/she will have a new partner, and you will have a new partner. The individual owes the foremost respect (#1 priority) to the CURRENT spouse not the family of the ex. That means that it is ok to be civil with the ex's family, and care about them, but it doesn't mean you will talk to them/visit them as regularly as you would when you were married to your ex. That is, unless your current spouse and ex spouse are totally perfectly fine with it. The moment your current spouse feels disrespected, left out or overwhelmed by a spouse that talks all the time with or about the ex's family.
My DH was super close with BM's parents, especially her stepfather. They were never married but they were close even after they split, When I came in the picture, things totally changed. They call each other to say happy birthday and merry christmas, perhaps happy new year, but that is pretty much 3 to 4 times a year, it bothers me but I can deal with it, life is good. Now, if he talked to them like once a week or so, we WOULD have a problem. He also understands that we will not be going to their house if invited, and they will not be invited to this house if they are in our state. (they live in another state).
They are NOT "BM", sure, but they are her parents, and are 100% related to her, love her and care about her. They represent part of MY DH's past, and I am his present and future, he knows that I don't feel comfortable with them around for more than 5 minutes, so DH chooses to put my needs and wants first, of course.
Sincerely,
G
"I will die on my feet before I live on my knees"
I would start talking about
I would start talking about one of your ex BF in front of him... Then have the innocent puppy dog face when he says he doesn't like it.. And the I would politely say now you know how I feel when you talk about you EX, your EX inlaws and your EX life...
This is one of those things
This is one of those things you HAVE to talk to him about. If you don't, he will never have that "Aha" moment and continue to torment you.
He has unresolved issues if he is still talking about her.
DH used to do this to me - I snapped one day and said "I don't appreciate you cheating on me" and he looked at me like I was nuts. I explained that his ex dominates his thoughts more than me so how can I see him as emotionally faithful? How would he like it if I did it to him? He was a real rock so I played the whole conversation out "EH used to do this and EH used to do that" and it wasn't until I entered the bedroom area "EH used to do this and EH used to do that" that he WOKE UP and saw how it can hurt to hear about your ex all the time.
Tell DH to take that TOXIC talk out of your earshot because it is bad for your relationship.
Seriously, healthy relationships don't do that garbage. That's reserved for high school!
I personally find it very
I personally find it very offensive that anyone could be so insensitive.
My two sons live with DH and I. They are 21 and 19. From DAY ONE we have tried to avoid discussing things in front of DH that might make him feel left out, or that we were reminising.We talk about some stuff naturally, but they rarely mention their Dads name, they might say, "remember you took us here mom". But they don't mention their Dad at all. Out of consideration, not because they have hard feelings, or would be reprimanded, but because they have a clue and care about their Stepfathers feelings.
Every town has an Elm Street
OMG.....crayon.....please,
OMG.....crayon.....please, don't tell me anymore, I want to hurt your SO on your behalf......
Every town has an Elm Street
He needs a good choking
He needs a good choking every now and again....like my DH! And I don't mean that in any kind of sick kinky sex way either! HAHA
****I can do bad all by myself****
my fh is on good terms and
my fh is on good terms and pretty friendly with his ex's mom and stepdad and it bothers the heck out of me too. they call each other to catch up on the life of his ex..now how inappropriate is that...
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your support and comments. It really helps to know that others go through the same things as I am experiencing. First and formost, I do not want to come off as some arrogant wife who is jealous. After reading my post, I kinda thought I came off that way. I am far from jealous and have put up with the conversations with out saying a word for 3 years. I DO NOT mind at all if him and his daughter talk about the past. But, they should respect me and do it somewhere else. I think his daughter knows and just does it to spite me. My husband, well, I had a talk with him and hopefully it will get better....we will just see!!
Here's a doozy - my husband
Here's a doozy -
my husband is adopted & was in contact and met his "birth mother""birth sister & brother" at about the same time that him & BM were calling it quits. She had instigated the whole finding your long lost birth mother investigation because she wanted to find out some family health history for my husbands and hers son. Long story short, this woman is full-blown npd(narcissitc personality disorder) and does not get things about life and boundries with people.
She buddy buddy buddy with them taking the stepson and spending holidays with my husbands recently found birth family. Is that messed up or what? Unfortunately, it makes my husband and myself not want a thing to do with any of them at all. Weird weird weird.