Does it get any better ?
I am relativly new to the whole step parenting thing. We have been living together for almost a year. Before we take the pluge into marriage I need to know if things improve. I know every situation is different but in general did your situations improve after you were married or stay the same? My bf will not punish his daughter or even make her say she is sorry for things she has done to me or lies she has told about me. I won't be in a marriage where these things go on. I feel he is so concerned about the BM's feelings he does stuff to please her and the SD even though it hurts me. He is so full of guilt about not beening with the BM even though she is a nutcase. I have been thinking of leaving even though I love my bf so much but it's not worth the bs sometimes. I need some advice please.
Sorry to say
It may change a little but drastically NO..
It has many rewards but it also has many bumps and bruises.. SO it kinda sucks. One day you will be soaring high and the next you get bumped back into the situation.
Its up to you personally and your feelings on whether its worth it...
happy
I hope so...
I'm still hoping it will change...lol
I almost didn't get married b/c of issues with SS and BM. We've been married for 2 1/2 years. I think parenets feel guilt for not being there full time and the short time they do have with their children they don't want to spend it disciplining them. It is an enormous challenge. My husband is extremely defensive over his son, which I may be too, once I have mine. My SS has "issues" with lying also. IF I had it to do all over again, in an ideal world...I would never even have started dating somebody with children/ex-spouse, but once I feel in love it was too late.
I am still hoping it changes
I am still hoping it changes too, but after 3 years, you just get fed up with the crap....
Poor U :(
In my experience, your partner's behaviour will be the deciding factor in if you choose to stay or go. If he won't support you or can't see your point then he really isn't worth the heartache of staying with - as harsh as that sounds. You will be the one doing all the hard work and taking all the flack from the SD and BM. You're worth more than that. Is that how you want your life to be?
Most of us look back and think how much easier our lives could have been if we had bailed at the beginning but we stay and hope it gets better. Rarely does it get better because your BF needs to deal withhis guilt issues. He is stuck in the past trying to make up for his mistakes and you have put yourself in this difficult situation. It is so hard because you just want things to work out and everyone to get on. you can't choose who you fall in love with.
If he won't change there is little you can do but vote with your feet.
Personally, I wish I'd got out years ago!
Best of Luck
x
Maybe I should
Things can get better.. Just do something now.. Put your foot down make it known that things will have to be somewhat different. Starting with his daughter.. RESPECT she must show this for you. Put your demands out there now so they are known and then go from there.. Hope that helps. I seriously would not change my life right now.. I love my husband and his kids.. It is a tough situation to be in though. I didn't mean to come off like bashing our way of life.. because someday the kids will all have grown up or at least we hope they grow up and move on with there lives...
Put your request out there first..
.
.
No.
It doesn't get any better. Sometimes, it gets a lot worse. At best, it evens out and you have stretches of pleasantness. But I don't think it ever disappears completely, unless someone dies. Sad, huh?!
On the up side, that doesn't mean it's not worth it. You do grow and develop along the way, and you do find ways to get through the worst of it. I wouldn't trade my husband for anything, but it has been five long years of pure hell. Some men are worth it, some skids are worth it. If they aren't, run like hell and don't look back. If they are, dig in for the long haul, because it will be a long haul.
But happy is so right that you absolutely HAVE to set the boundaries at the very beginning so that they are in place PRIOR TO the marriage, otherwise it's just added stress. If he's habitually ignoring boundaries now, a marriage certificate certainly won't make him respect them. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
If I knew then what I know
If I knew then what I know now..I would NOT have gotten involved with someone who's had exwife or kids!(Don't need drama!) I love my husband, but I will not let HIS kids make me miserable and treat me like sh*t.
Good thing he repects me and loves me enuf to not let them disrepect me and or minipulate us.
Don't get me wrong but WE step parents have to go through so much crap from both kids and boiparents.
An emotional pre-nup
Before you marry, I would seriously spell out an few things. See if he is willing to agree to. If he's not willing, than maybe you need to get cold feet.
Best wishes - Jo