If anything, I feel more important. I have been with my husband for 17 years and I didn't need to have his kid to get him or to keep him.

I don't feel less important at all. Also I don't care what DH's family thinks of me. I didn't marry them. DH adores me and he's who I care about.

I don't feel unimportant, but part of me wishes that we could have had children together. I am infertile and DD was adopted. Part of me wishes we did/could partly so that SD would know her place. There have been times that I've looked at babies and she has popped up and been like "oh no you guys aren't". I just tell her I guess it's a good thing she doesn't have any say in it. The reasonable side of me is happy that we don't have kids because we have such different views on parenting. Of course, he parents my kid like I do...lol, just not his own.

SO's family make me feel welcomed (SO and I are not married and don't have a child together) they like me a lot more then they ever liked BM.

I do feel less important to SO, I often feel like I live in BM's and SD's shadows! He has no romantic feelings for BM of course, but his Co-parenting stuff definitely takes precedence over our relationship. SO has expressed that he'd like to have a baby with me.. I worry that both the baby and I would live in BM and SD's shadow

No. BM may have given DH a kid, but I give him everything she never could.

"I have kids therefore I am more important" sounds like something our BM would say just to get under my skin.

DH and I do not have kids of our own, but I am no less important because of it. His family adores me, and me them. If they felt my lack of child-bearing history was somehow a negative reflection on me, then I'd no longer maintain relationships with them.

Do you think this is them trying to make you feel this way, or is this your own self-consciousness playing tricks on you?

I do not feel less important. Do I feel that I have a different relationship with him than most? Yes. I know I do DH and I want kids but it has nothing to do with importance it would be about sharing out love. DH tries his best to be the best husband and father to SS that he can. I can honestly say despite it not always working out in my favor he tries his best to make both of us feel like the most important people in his life.

I do feel like if I had a child the relationship with SMIL could seem more important but to me it doesn't matter as, as far as I am concerned she is still somewhat pro-BM and so I don't associate myself because I don't have a child for her to "spoil". I don't care though the rest of his family including his dad adores me.

If not having a baby makes you feel unimportant there is a lot bigger issues in your relationship.

Nope dont feel less important. DH married me because he loves me and wants to spend his life with me. Not because he got me knocked up, like BM. If she had not gotten pregnant they probably never would have lasted long enough to get married.

BM is his past. I am here now. DH makes me feel important.

I feel like I'm more important because I didn't need to get knocked up to get DH to marry me! Heck, DH never even married BM, which makes me feel great.

I know what you mean though. Sometimes I feel like the in-laws don't take me as seriously because DH and I don't have kids together, & they definitely act like I don't understand some things because I am not a mom.

BM made a comment to me one time that DH will always have feelings for her because they have a child together, which really pissed me off. I don't think it's true though. DH doesn't seem to have any feelings for her at all.

I am right there with many of the other posters, I didn't have to get pregnant to keep him so I feel very important. However, I would like to have a child him, someone that is the two of us, we can parent without other parents outside of the home. We are thinking about trying this time next year.