Don't know what to make of it!
Yesterday, SD11 was coming over for a few hours in the afternoon. Before she came over, I started feeling sick so I went back to bed and stayed there. I asked SO if he could maybe take SD out instead of spending the entire time at the house since I was sleeping. Of course, they did not go out and stayed at the house for the duration of her visit. That is fine and I wasn't angry since they watched a movie in the basement and were quiet.
After SO returned from taking SD home, he was acting different towards me so I asked if he was upset about something. It turns out he was angry with me because I did not come out of the bedroom to say hello to SD. He says it was "rude". I decided to not even address the issue because I had already made it clear to him that I was not feeling up to hanging out and 1) I didn't feel well, 2) I was sleeping and 3) I was still in my PJs and hadn't showered. If he were sick, I would never expect him to come out of the bedroom to say hello to someone, doesn't matter who it is. Then again, I also wouldn't have someone over to the house.
What I don't understand is that any time he doesn't feel well, he has no problem canceling on SD. However, If I'm sick, I don't get a choice in the matter and he expects me to acknowledge her presence and gets angry when I don't. I think it is totally asinine because if I had standing plans with a family member every week, I am sure there would be times he couldn't be there or wouldn't feel up to it, and I would never fault him for that.
Does anyone else think this is utterly ridiculous or am I being insensitive?
I think it's ridiculous. you
I think it's ridiculous. you were clearly sick. The majority of us have ZERO desire to take care of or humor others when we're not feeling well. He should understand that, particularly when he's willing to cancel when he doesn't feel well. Idk if I would address it, it sounds like he's just get angry, but I wouldn't change if you're not feeling well another time when she comes over. Sick means sick.
Being angry that you did not
Being angry that you did not come out to greet his daughter, especially when you were sick, is uncalled for. It's not like the Queen was visiting.
You are not his child, to reprimand because he does not think you acted appropriately. A decent partner would have told his kid, "Lemon65 is sick so let's not disturb her." End of story.
Ridiculous.
Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your responses! I'm glad to know that I'm not crazy!
I just can't get over the expectation that every time his daughter comes over, I must drop everything I'm doing and hang out with her. I told him a couple of weeks ago that I'm done revolving my time around her. I am with him because I love HIM, not because I want to spend time with a child every week! If I wanted that, I would just have my own. And I can guarantee that she did not care that I didn't come out and say hi to her. He is only upset because of his own hang ups (the old "you hate my daughter" bit) and quite frankly, that's his problem.
You're not crazy. He is
You're not crazy. He is being thoughtless and ridiculous.
turn it around on him
Be angry and disgusted that he didn't check in on YOU!
I agree with Think Thrice -
I agree with Think Thrice - don't be bullied or sucked into his flawed thinking. Instead, retrain him using logic. Is it logical to expect a sick family member to get out of bed, just to greet another family member? If so, will this rule apply to all family members going forward? Will he require himself to exercise visitation when he's ill? Ask him to clarify what the rules of courtesy are concerning sick family members, because going forward you want to be on the same page and apparently that includes ignoring him when he's sick.
You can have a lot of fun with this, because the disparity is so blatant. Just remember to stay calm and detached while you make him squirm.
I love this! Hopefully it
I love this! Hopefully it will make him realize how stupid he is being! Next time he is sick, I should invite a friend over and then get angry with him for not acknowledging them. See? I can play that game, too!
Oh geez!
Well you could always tell him you thought she would stick her head around the door and say hi. Or you could say "So you want me to drag my infectious arse out of bed and breathe "Hello SD" and make her sick? What kind of father are you? I WAS SICK."
Update
I 100% agree with all of you reasonable thinkers! Unfortunately, SO does not. I tried to talk to him about the situation last night, simply because I don't want to have the same argument in the future. It did not end well! Somehow it turned into a conversation about how he just wants me to have a good relationship with his daughter and how I will never change. It ended with him becoming extremely angry and me having to banish him to the basement because I couldn't tolerate it.
I do not understand where any of this is coming from. I DO have a good relationship with his daughter. However, my world does not revolve around her. His anger has nothing to do with SD or her feelings, or even MY feelings. It has everything to do with him and his own hang ups! I wish he could just see that SD and I are not the problem, he is! It does not help that he is always somehow rude to me right before she comes over and then I am expected to pretend as if nothing happened when she gets there.
I am not sure what to do anymore. I feel like he has really unrealistic expectations of me and because of that, his perception is skewed. Where do we go from here?