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Ending an engagement

Danls's picture

Submitted by Danls on Thu, 01/09/2020 - 7:51am

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General Discussion

Has anyone been through this? 

I'm going back and forth with the idea.

Reasons are: he doesn't seem interested in wedding planning, I don't want to be a stepmother (only seems to get harder), don't yet live together (over 6 year relationship). 

We have fun and love each other, it's just not the relationship I want. I feel terrible.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 01/09/2020 - 8:21am

I agree about just dating - keep your separate places and stay away on the weekends she is there. 

I know that doesn't work for everyone though, some people want to move forward in a relationship. If that's what you or he want, then just dating won't work. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 01/09/2020 - 1:23pm

I ended an engagement.  I was young and came to the realization that I was far from ready to be a husband much less a father.   We had a great final weekend and she gave back the ring.

No kids involved so we did not have that to deal with.

As for your son being close to your BF, this is not about your son. This is about you.   Your son will thrive if you are happy.  Explain it to him and then move on.  Explain to your son the issues that motivated your decision, remind him of the tensions with your X and his child, and explain that  you are done wasting your time on the X who has no interest in making a life partnership with you.

IMHO of course.

readingandlearning's picture

Submitted by readingandlearning on Sat, 01/11/2020 - 1:20am

You don't want to be a stepmom, the relationship is going nowhere and he shows zero interest in planning the wedding. If you want to get married and that is your goal then you should end the relationship with him. If you want something casual then end the engagement and continue seeing him. No need for it to be anymore seiorus than that. Being a step parent is a pain. If you have been together for 6 years you are likely exhausted.