Ever Wonder What Was in DH/BF's Head to Have Been With the BM?

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Honest feelings here...am having a hard time lately with realizing just how messed up my DH's ex really is.

A small synopsis -

*Sells prescribed narcotics on the street
*Grows and sells pot
*Gets disability checks monthly for a fake injury
*Is 40 but sleeps with 18 year olds
*Has stolen from DH's family and friends
*Has warrants out for her arrest for bad checks
*Has no credit whatsoever and practically ruined DH's
*Claimed her 19yo daughter was 30 when she was 7 and opened up bank accounts she let go belly up and ran up tons of overdraft fees
*Put utility bills in that same daughter's name and didn't pay them
*Is with a guy that she screws around on all the time - and he's a really good guy it seems
*Dresses like she's 18 but looks like she's a cancer survivor about 90# soaking wet - wrinkled face - just disgusting
*Drives with no license or car insurance
*Tried to destruct each and every relationship my DH had after their separation/divorce
*Stole thousands of dollars from my MIL and blew it on a guy she met online in Florida
***ROBBED A GAS STATION!!!***

I'm just blown away by the things this woman has done. She and I are like day and night.....yet.....I watch her kids cater to her. I find that I'm almost thrown to the curb....which makes me wonder what kind of "normal" these kids think is "normal". Sure can't be me for they don't migrate to me like they do her....lol.

But....what in the SAM HILL was my DH thinking when he found this woman???? And what in the hell made him stay with her?? Geesh, I thought my ex was bad..this woman takes THE cake!! Wow! No matter what - I feel I was not married to her, I don't have kids with her...so I don't excuse her sick behavior like I've seen him and his kids do. This is why she acts like she does..she's been allowed to be excused all this time.

Thoughts?

Hi Step! My DH acts almost

Hi Step!

My DH acts almost embarrassed - some of the stuff I mentioned didn't surface until they separated..some of it during the divorce. I understand how you can be with someone and just choose not to see their downfalls..hell, I did that with my own ex husband. He cheated every time the sun would shine and I would not want to really see it. He was not at all as bad as my DH's ex, but he was bad. I think I thought if I didn't acknowledge it, I wouldn't have to deal with it.

Make sense?

He says she always gave him a sob story..things begin to come out to make her try to justify her behavior..she was supposedly molested as a child..which with her lies could very well just be that...a lie. She says her family was nuts....which is another factor in her becoming a psychotic. He said his mother one time told him early in their 16 year relationship that his ex wife was 'trailer trash' in it's finest. His mother knew it back then.

He and I have talked about how you're in a relationship and you feel you just HAVE to be with this person..no one else is out there for you. He's told me how much he really cared about her and how he thought she would change...but never did. She joined singles sites, BDSM sites (what an idiot!)...and just went crazy with cheating. He says he couldn't keep up with her affairs. And it was always she was in the throws of her 'mental problems' she would say.

I'm trying very hard to remember how I was stuck in a volatile relationship as well....it's the only thing that keeps me understanding what he may have seen in her.

Sex and lust are powerful

Sex and lust are powerful things.
Throw in a little crazy behavior and immature men and you have EXCITEMENT.
Nobody likes to be bored

Seriously, I know how you feel but DH's ex has very dark pretty eyes and in old pictures, she was very "hot" so I can see why he was attracted to her. They made beautiful children.
But beauty can only get you so far.

LMAO!!! Okay

LMAO!!!

Okay ladies...let's discuss sex...lol!

He did tell me somewhat of their sex life..she went and got into certain toys...like most married couples. And went as far as to tell me she didn't perform oral sex at all until they were together for about 13 years..said she hated it.

She then began to get into this sex and bondage stuff...and wanted to involve other women..and men. As to which he promptly said no. Said she completely went off the deep end on wanting to become bisexual.

While it was exciting to have your wife want to experiment with toys with you..how humiliating it would be to have your wife want you to bring another man in the bedroom..or to discover your wife was putting herself on bondage sites.

And there was a time when she was pretty as well..I really think she was. And I've told her that. Him too. But her actions sure make that bitch ugly now! :jawdrop:

Step, I think you nailed it!

Step, I think you nailed it! I've thought this all along..lol!

And honestly - now that he sees how incredibly odd he must look after falling for her sob stories - he's astounded. He feels so guilty for allowing her to do the things she did.

But hey - it's just that..he ALLOWED it. Not much can be changed now.

It's amazing how someone's true colors can shine so bright after you've been blinded for so long, eh?

My husband was on drugs when

My husband was on drugs when he was with bm.

Oh honey - I'm sorry. I hope

Oh honey - I'm sorry. I hope he kicked that habit. Sounds like she was not a good influence at all.

no need to be sorry-he hasnt

no need to be sorry-he hasnt used drugs sice before we met 10 years ago. It does help explain bm. u could put her on a billboard for a "just say no" campaign

Amazing Step - you said a

Amazing Step - you said a great deal.

Head games. His ex is GREAT at those. Even in my marriage to him..she can text something off color to me...from her phone..yet claim she has no idea who did it. Even goes as far as to say she'll help us find out the culprit behind it.

Huh???

Insanity at it's finest I tell you!

It's like she's completely nuts. About once a month, he'll get invites from all the new sex sites out there...with her email account in the invite somewhere! Yet - someone else is doing it she says. He blocks all of them coming in and even went as far as to get a new account..his daughter got the new account..her mom found it and they began all over again. And of course the ex is not doing it and is FURIOUS that 'someone' is trying to frame her.

LMAO!! Head games...YEP! }:)

I see that all the time,

I see that all the time, Step...very sad isn't it?

Hi BF! I understand that all

Hi BF! I understand that all too well. DH got BM pregnant and did the honorable thing too. Took him almost 2 decades to get out as well!

Same here!! My bf was 19, and

Same here!! My bf was 19, and she got preggos...and they married because of "the honorable thing". He quickly realized how lazy, selfish and entitled she was, they divorced w/in 5 yrs.

So, I know he already beats himself up for the kind of woman he married-but as I say, young, dumb and full of...well you know lol

As for me, same thing-I was almost 21 when we married-but had only dated him as a teen-it was a very abusive relationship and that's all I knew, thought it was normal, was very controlled and brainwashed. I no longer beat myself up over it. It made me who I am today, it allowed me to have two wonderful, very handsome kids (his sperm did make good looking boys lol), and it led me to my know bf whom I love and adore.

Same for him-had we not married them, not had kids, not divorced, it's very likely we wouldn't have met. He struggles with guilt and forgiving himself and regret....something I've learned to overcome, course i've been apart from the ex close to 7yrs now. It took time.

Wow, looks like I'm in good

Wow, looks like I'm in good company here. My DH got BM pregnant when he was 19, too. He tried to do the "honorable" thing and married her. But BM cheated on DH within a year of their wedding and she moved out when DH caught her.

Ewwww. Makes me want to to

Ewwww. Makes me want to :sick: to think SO was with BM for her sex appeal. Just gross. And, I am the type of person that will say "OMG! She is sooo hot!" So, it's not jealousy. This woman had "white trash" written all over her in every pic I've seen. And, she's still living up to the name 20 years later.

But, it HAD to be the sex. She had nothing else going for her. Even SO's best friend of 30+ years has said "I told "SO" when they first hooked-up to dump her ass!" LOL

I do have to give my SO credit though. BM cheated, he found out and he left. He never looked back. She was OUT! Even his friends have said that they thought for sure he'd go back to her but, he never did. I love that he has that much self respect for himself.

It's okay naturalmom! No

It's okay naturalmom! No offense taken! I know what you meant!

I do the same thing. I am

I do the same thing. I am very expression-happy and emphasize a lot when I speak so when I write I use BIG words to let you know I really mean it! LMAO!

Hi I just want to say that we

Hi I just want to say that we had a sort of frustrated conversation just the other day about this. My fiance just got back from seeing lawyers excetra as we may have to go to court inregards to access. any how it is going to cost us money we don;t have. we are getting married in january a small event with family and close friends anyway this conferance thing he needs to have a lawyer there or he gets a mark against him for not being willing to try and settle out of court.

To bad for her as he has colected the certificates from the previous attempts so anyway back on track in frustation i almost attacked him with I can't believe you were ever with that nasty piece of crap. And not only didn't the red card start shining after making one kid and being seperated you had to put your dick in it again and now you have two of them argggh. ( they are really nice kids and he's a great dad) but it makes so mad i can't even spell while typing this i just don't see how he couldn't see it and her for what she is a dumbarse who just wanted to have kids so could scam the government her ex and her kids i don't understand what kind of pull she had over him.

But I just don't know how we are going to afford to go to court, a wedding, and everything. We need to and it was me who supported him into going down this road but it's just so frustrating she and him created kids when not together and now that we are getting married she is causing all sorts of problems holding kids back from visitation when all he wants to be is a good dad but she was cheating on him all the time when they were together and stuffed that. anyway she is a lamo and is dating a guy about 20 god i hate her more than anything else in the world and it makes me mad sometimes that we will have to deal with her forever.

Hi I just want to say that we

To answer the original

To answer the original question, in my husband's case, she became pg and he felt ogligated to do the "right" thing. He realized 2 years into the marriage that he did not love her, had only known hr a few months at the point they married, another child was born. She started going to Clubs and staying out way late, pretty soon there was the talk of other men being a part of the picture and husband divorced his first wife. Feeling she was an unfit mother he filed for custody and she did not fight it. They had been marreid 4 years, the boys were 2 & 4 and she left, made no contact for 2 years. When she contacted husband she was already remarreid and had another baby. She wanted her boys back at that point and it's been nightmare ever since.

Funny relevation I got from

Funny relevation I got from family counselor: She said yes his ex wife & I are opposites. And that he was with her because it was exciting. I'll never forget that. She's exciting. So I'm boring? Geez. And she's a loser: crystal meth addict, not working, house a mess, fat, prefers motorcycle riding over all.

She's a fat meth addict? How

She's a fat meth addict? How does that work? I've never seen one of those. That's how we usually know crackwhore BM is back on the needle. She starts looking like skeletore with scabs.

I was wondering that too. BM

I was wondering that too. BM was a meth addict for several years & had the munchies from hell, but was horrendously frail.

My ExH's ExW was a major meth

My ExH's ExW was a major meth addict. She was 5'3" and over 200lbs. Her face and complextion was that of a crackhead but she was definitely overweight.

I never understood it either. :?

Your DH had rescue syndrome

Your DH had rescue syndrome (not a real syndrome but I had it too when I was younger).

I used to meet someone that was attractive, learn about their baggage and problems, then SuperRags would romanticize that he could save them. I had two notable examples of this. Two very attractive very intelligent young women who after several months of dating I learned had a nose candy problem. They taught me that project people are not worth investing my time and emotion in.

Never works. I have learned that people do not change. If they are critically flawed, they stay critically flawed. Very few who don't know how to make effective decisions by the time they are in there late teens ever learn.

In my wife's case, she was 16 and BioDad was 22. He was a cool, nice looking Vanilla Ice wannabe who had an appetite for young girls.

In my case my XW was HOT, had an ass that you could forge steel on, was extremely intelligent, came from a good family, and I truly loved her. The woman I married on our wedding day was not the women I went to bed with on my wedding night. She was an entirely different person. Once we left the reception she went from being a pleasant person to an unadulterated BITCH!!!

My entire family and all but one of my friends were enamored with her when we were dating, they loved her to death. Over the 2.5 years of our marriage we all spent a lot of time scratching our heads over the difference between the woman I dated and asked to be my wife and the one I married. :?

The one friend who did not like her could never quantify why he did not like her. He just know something about her was off and "you can do better". Unfortunately our friendship suffered during my married to my psycho ice queen XW and has not entirely recovered even 20yrs after my divorce was final.

My beautiful bride has all of my XWs best qualities, none of the XWs psycho crap and countless amazing qualities that are entirely her own.

I am a fortunate man to have gotten out of my first marriage alive and ended up in an incredible marriage with an amazing woman.

Best regards,

DH never loved BM. She was an

DH never loved BM. She was an easy piece of ass when he got back to the states after a six month navy cruise. He went to tell her to stop calling him and she told him she was pregnant. He still didn't want to have anything to do with her, but once the kid was around, he always wanted to be a part of SD's life.

So he convinces BM to move to where he lives after he gets out of the Navy. With BM in close proximity, DH drinks heavily and BAM - skid 2. He takes her to the courthouse and marries her at when she's 6 months pregnant. BM wears knit shorts.

The 3rd one, the middle kid isn't his, but he's her legal guardian now. Long story.

So basically, DH was a drunk and horny idiot and is now tethered to a stupid evil lying thieving b!tch c&nt toothless junkie whore. And that's his due punishment for his moronic actions plus some. I'm sure he'll have some interesting life-lessons for the kids once they get a little older.

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Ever Wonder What Was in DH/BF's Head to Have Been With the BM?