I can't really give you any advice then for you to just ask your EX to kindly ask her to stop. I don't really think you are in the right place considering many here would just see you as another irritating jealous BM. If what you are saying is true, then yes she is definitly overstepping boundaries, but considering I am on the other side of the spectrum, I find it hard to beleive. So either have a conversation with your ex that communication needs to be between only the 2 of you, or find a forum dedicated to your type of problems.

I can't imagine any court that would force you to deal with her.

Ignore her. Ignore her calls, her texts, her emails. Call him directly. If he is allowing her to use his email address, he will be held accountable for the things she sends him.

You need to let HIM know that you will not tolerate it, and you will not communicate with her.

Consult a lawyer and see what your options are under your CO regarding communication with HIM.

Block her phone number on your cell or land line. Call your phone provider for help. Block her email address. Call or email your email provider for help. Block her on all social sites such as Facebook and do not visit his or hers.

Tell your husband that if she uses his cell phone or email account again you will block his also. Tell him he controls his communication devices or he gets cut off from the mother of his child except face to face communication and US Mail. In an emergency he is to call his mother/father etc. who is allowed to call you. In an emergency involving the kid you will call or email him. Inform him of this via a US Mail letter and put "cc: Attorney" on the bottom even if you don't have an attorney of record.

Report her for welfare fraud.

She sounds like a complete and utter control freak. Most conflicts between steps and biologicals are probably because one or both or all of the people involved are control freaks. She probably realizes that she controls her fiancee and their social calendar and thinks it will be ideal if she takes on his parenting role too and communicates with you. You are right that it is the child's father's role. But because he has relinquished the role, you are in a no-win situation. You cannot force him to step up and play the role you want him to and you cannot control what goes on in their house, only what comes in and out of your own house. I would suggest that you get some professional counselling. I think you are right that once the battle lines have been drawn and you have asserted yourself, it will only egg on the control freak step mother to bring on new and more alarming surprises into your life. There are people who only function in terms of winning/losing. They are filled with fear and hatred and their inner lives must be hell to cause them to wreak so much pain in other people's lives.

Wow, you really think this is all her? Let's see, where do I start.

They are not married and thus you think they are not really family, blah, blah, blah...because of that...OK, great. Funny, I wasn't married to DH for 10 years but we were "not a family" longer than the ex-wife with her stupid piece of paper. So, first, if you don't want people offending you, ie. the fiance, I would suggest you respect their relationship. A divorced woman with kids is NO BETTER than one who lives with a man and has been with him probably longer than the ex-wife. No matter what the ex wants to say.

2nd. You say "she controls his life". Let's see. She would send you pics, blah, blah, blah...which she did NOT have to do...and YOU complain? Really, no, you want YOUR EX to do it. He's no longer your husband, he lives with her now but you want to "control him and MAKE HIM DO IT". Be happy she does anything at all. I wouldn't send a darn thing to my skid's BM.

3rd She "manipulates' your ex and you don't like it? Because as in 2 above, YOU want to manipulate him. It's really irrelevant if she manipulates him or not, he's not your husband anymore.

Honestly, I think that she was wrong for getting engaged to him while he was married to you, but you seem to be taking it out JUST ON HER...She was NOT married to you, he was. She didn't owe you respect, HE did.

Now about her continuing to text you etc, I do not agree with her. But honestly, with the things you have said to her, I can understand how now she doesn't really care how it makes you feel.

Sorry, but if you want others to respect your views, you must also respect others. And this whole marriage thing with women, who think they have such darn high morals because they were "married", yet didn't have the same "church morals" to STAY married are really ridiculous and hypocritical.

You have to make all communication be with him. Do not engage with her. Block her from your phone and your email. Let him come to you.

You can petition the courts for third party interference, BUT it is difficult to prove if hubby backs her up.

That being said, are you sure. I know I was accused of being the author of all emails, maker of all rules, the anti-christ & the entire reason BM had to leave her child here & move 800 miles away. The only thing I did was type for him occasionally & help him find a better lawyer.

There are always 3 sides to a story. This is just one of them.

If you do not want to communicate with SM you don't have to. Ignore her. There has to be boundaries set on both sides. Contact your ex about the KIDS ONLY and at reasonable hours, regarding reasonable topics.

If I were you, and the perspective you are giving here is 100% accurate and not exaggerated in any way, I think I would just talk to ex and tell him that you will not be communicating with SM about anything. That if something arises, HE needs to call you, and you will do the same.

DH and I were "not a family" for 5 years before we got our "piece of paper". BM and DH were "a family" with that "piece of paper" for 6 months. I dunno how many friends you will make here with that kind of talk. I may not have had a piece of paper but we were certainly family. I changed diapers, potty trained, bathed, loved, kissed booboo's, taught how to talk read write spell, took to Dr's appts, dentist, eye dr. Enrolled in school, did homework with. Hugs with laughed with and cried with ALLLL before that paper was created. That's a MOM in my book, whatever kind of a mom you want to call it, I don't care, but have certainly been his mom for longer than the 3 years that we have been married.

Sorry.

My SO and I got engaged before his divorce was finalized. We have been a "non-family" for 3 yrs. And have no plans on getting married anytime soon but u can bet ur a$$ that I am those kids SM. I changed diapers, gave meds, potty trained etc. I am just as involved with my skids as their father is. I send BM occasional updates and pics of skids b/c SO doesn't think about it and as a mom myself I know that its nice to know what my kid is upto when she is not with me. I think you should maybe find another site to vent on b/c u sound a lot like the GU BM I have to deal with and will ge :sick: t no sympathy from me. How about making an effort to have a civilrelationship with her for your kids sake?? :sick:

Isn't it just a bit ironic that we tell each other to ignore the BM at all costs (NO CONTACT) and that any and all communication with BM should be between the BM and BF... but that we (the SM's) are persucuting this BM for not wanting to have contact witn the SM (The one her DH, at one time, had an affair with?!? HELLO?!? We would all have feelings of animosity towards SM! We are human.). Why is it OK for the SM to initiate contact with this BM to 'keep her informed' about her SD and the BF is excused for possibly 'forgetting' to do so?!? We always preach that it IS the BF's responsibility to maintain contact with the BM, but in this case, it's OK if he doesn't? Come on ladies, this is pure hypocrisy. I AM a SM. My BM is a bit nutty and a PITA, but nothing compared to what some of you have to endure. Perhaps the OP is a troll. Perhaps her story is not 100% accurate. Perhaps she is just jealout, as suggested. But... perhaps the SM is insecure and contacting the BM to constantly reaffirm her position as the SM/wife/partner of BM's XH (because she was at one time the mistress). Perhaps her texts/pictures are not out of the kindness of her heart and are more inflammatory and antagonistic than a gesture of goodwill, again to reaffirm her positon. And perhaps there are SM's out there that are every bit as evil/crazy/confrontational/etc as the BM's we complain about every day here. Perhaps. Not at all trying to stir the pot here, but is it fair to attack this BM simply for being a BM given how badly we feel for being attacked/ignored/taken advantage of simply for being the SM...

Well I don't know.... I would love to not contact bm problem is that the man always forgets things and I have the kids more than he does as we have them on a week to week basis. I honestly think it is nothing more for this bm than a control thing....... Like the others said! When your I do's failed so did everything else along with it! You no longer get to tell him what he needs to do! Only one of us can fill those shoes and you no longer need to expect me to be out of the picture because I am here honey! Weather you like it or not! and if your promises of forever and ever didn't work out then its not my dang fault and it was clearly nothing more that a boyfriend girlfriend kinda thing that resulted in children! If your so perfect??? where the heck are you now???