Ex in laws bad mouthing me to my step kids (their daughter/kids mom is dead)
As it being, so, parent wasn't hard enough, you got to deal with other people trying to mingle in your families, life and badmouthing you do your stepchildren. So my nine year old stepson yesterday confessed to his father and I that his maternal grandparents parentheses the mother is no longer alive) that she is going to tell the kids one day what a horrible things I have done. Honestly, the daughter is dead and buried. Everything should've been dropped. I have enough respect for the children not to tell them what horrible stuff they're supposedly loving maternal grandparents did to them. I can tell you what I was in the police station that night after they allowed their daughter to hurt their grandchildren, and the mother was more concerned about her daughter, putting on a nice dress and rollers in your hair before she got arrested and caring about her grandchildren. Opening the front door and telling them to run to Safety to Neighbor's house is not protecting the kids. I don't appreciate my husband's ex in-laws trying to inquire where I work. My job is important to them and I do not need them being nosy about it. The second thing my name shouldn't have been brought up in the conversation. She alluded to the fact that when their mother came back to the house after she already abandoned her family, cheated on her husband, walked out on her children and had her parents move her out of the house that supposedly was so unsafe, but she left her children there, come back, because a neighbor, or something alerted her that another car was in the driveway. She was already separated, living with her boyfriend and I was at my future husband's old home visiting, and she walked in the door, and even though I didn't see her that day, she apparently reported to her parents that I was there and suddenly six years later my husband's ex in-laws bring it up to the children. We are trying to create a family together, and there is no reason to bring up old stuff in the past and try to rewrite history to make it more convenient for herself.
I bring it up to my husband and he doesn't want to deal with it. He said just stop thinking about it but it's really bothering me how somebody who supposedly loves her grandchildren doesn't want them happy and living in a family that's full of love instead of trying to cause chaos and anger. I will now make sure I let everybody know what kind of people they are and who their daughter was. If you read my previous post, you can know how much our family has been through the last six years. It is very wrong to play with a nine year old emotion by threatening to tell them stuff about their stepmother. Meanwhile, they should be happy that their grandchildren are being loved and cared for and wonderful environment and have found a mother to raise and take care of them and love them the way they daughter should off.
They should not be badmouthing you
So your husband doesn't mind people poisoning his children towards you? Why not?
Start taking notes with examples dates,texts, photos, anything else you need to prove their bad influence. You may need it someday to avoid giving them any kind of rights.
Why doesn't he cut them out of his children's lives if all they do is cause trouble?
It annoys him but he doesn't
It annoys him but he doesn't want to start. They apologized about everything (even trying to take his children away knowing their daughter had mental issues and couldn't care for the children & making him spend 100 k plus on lawyers and court for years trying to protect children). He tells everyone they forgave each other. They told him he is welcome in their home any time. They blame their dead daughter for causing issues between ex son in law and them...now that she is dead very easy.
we had a truce and after I asked for boundries and all hell broke loose. They called up husband family and said I want to put the kids in foster care. Meanwhile the daughter died a week or two before and I am planning big special birthday party for my future nine year old stepson. I spent 500+ on a cake probably spent a ton on the birthday party getting balloon towers & favors and had a wonderful vacation with the boys and basically I'm raising them as my own living with them day in and day out. Taking them to sports, watching them play sports and volunteering and their schools but I want to put them in foster care? It's so retarded I can't even begin to describe.
I am going to start writing stuff down dates a visit and when the kids say stuff that they said or did stuff. Also, I'm going to start documenting when the kids are hurt and their care or put in dangerous parentheses reckless situation's. It is honestly so ridiculous. We just got married on June 30 and we are trying really hard to create a wonderful happy life for our little family and this which of an ex mother-in-law is so bitter and mental. She has to start saying things to her nine-year-old grandson who has been through more than any kid should ever go through at that age.
By bad mouthing the woman who was raising him as her own, living with him, and loving and taking care of him, just shows how mental this woman is.
my husband thinks it's important that they play a role in the children's life. He swears to me that they are good people and yes they're a little nuts and crazy but they love the grandchildren. I think back what his parents told me years ago that the grandchildren are only a possession or bragging right for them they don't really love them or know how to love. I mean after the kids see them literally one week to date they send over a package or some type of gift to make sure they are remembered.
It makes me nervous when they are in our area. Thank goodness they live five hours away, but they come visit every month. I am so afraid that they will say things to other parents or friends of the kids and just make it bad for the kids and for me they have no brains and it honestly bothers me that they are trying to rewrite history basically saying that I caused their mom and dad to get divorced, and then ultimately their mother to die. Meanwhile, their own daughter broke up two families and they were. They're supposedly love their grandchildren, but did nothing to protect them from their daughter who had issue. What kind of people are so fake and vicious to pretend they love their grand children it doesn't make any sense anything they do.
my husband didn't speak to them for a couple of years and limited time with the kids with them but suddenly everything is forgiven and I and the bad person it is honestly ridiculous.
And then my husband wants to know why I want to have my own child maybe because I want someone to love me after my mom is gone.
What is a heartless people you would think that they would bury the hatchet and move on, but they refuse to even talk to me and everything was settled and fine till I asked him to have boundaries and that's what caused this big rift and they are so stupid they are only hurting the children they don't see it
They sure as heck don't sound
They sure as heck don't sound like "good people" to me. What's in it for your husband that he thinks they're more important than you are?
PS
Can you find hte court order from his divorce? Check it out to see if there isn't something about neither parent being allowed to badmouth the other in front of the children. If there is, take it to him and point out that the grandparents should be held to the same standards.
Your problem is your DH. He needs to tell the Grandparents
Your problem is your DH. He needs to tell the Grandparents that the next time they bad mouth you is the last time they will see the Grandkids without supervision. Then he needs to follow through. The kids never see the Grandparents unless DH is there to make sure they don't bad mouth you.
Brilliant!
And that neatly sidesteps and claim they might have for grandparents' rights because they are not being deprived of seeing their grandchildren, they are just not being allowed to go off with them on their own.
They dont sound very good
They sound super toxic.
Document and hold it up to your husband. He needs to stop burying his head in the sand about these people. Is because he feels that his kid needs a connection to that side? Is it that they "show love with gifts"? What is keeping him tied to them so that he allows YOU, his bride, to be the sacrificial lamb to their toxic BM worship?
He tells everyone they
He tells everyone they forgave each other.----Really?
^^^^ This, is nothing more than fake bs gibberish. The actions do NOT support the 'forgiveness'
Your dh can put a stop to all of this by NOT giving Granny and Grandpa access to the kids. PERIOD. They have zero rights UNLESS there is a active court order that reflects GP's have visitation.
1. Is there an active court order that clearly states Grandparents have visitation?
IF not, then tell them to buzz off.
2.If dh tells you, the kids need to see their Grandparents...then you have a dh problem.
Which is it, 1 or 2?
This senario is exactly why you and DH need to give the Skids
the facts. All of them. Including the toxic crap pulled by their deceased mother and their idiot WombGrandParents.
You bring the facts, explain the facts, adn provide the kids with the facts in an age appropriate manner with verificable documentation. BM was arrested. Get those records. Put them in your files.
Then. when WombGrandMa and WombGrandPa pull their shit, bare their asses with those facts making sure that the Skids know the truth and that you have revued the documentation/proof with them.
Kids need facts to protect themselves from a toxic element in their gene pool. Even if that toxic element is dead. Cannonizing a dead parent when that parent was not a Saint can cause a shit ton of problems for kids as they grow up and proceed through adulthood, and it can ruin the quality family that that kid may have. Baring the toxic WGP's asses, needs to happen. To put them in their place, to protect your SKids, and to protect your family.
IMHO of course.
Never forget that facts are neither good, nor are they bad. They are merely facts. Though certainly the choices resulting in the facts can be either good or bad. In this case, the WGP's abject failure as parents cannot be allowed to be continued as GPs to your SKids.
I think your husband needs to
I think your husband needs to let these Ex-inlaws know that they have access to these children at HIS discretion and that if he gets a whiff of any indication that they are discussing anything negative about you or himself.. or that they are discussing anything he would consider toxic.. that they will find that their access to their grandkids will be greatly reduced. And.. he will be looking for signs they are asking the kids to lie or hide things from him.. and if he discovers that they are doing that.. then they may find that their access is immediately and permanently revoked.
Stop the relationship between
Kids and GP. Daughter is dead. GP have no rights. Cut them off. Cut the crap. They are nuts so they are not going to change..