Ex wife/BM tells F-SD13 I should be paying towards school clothes
Ok I posted this once before but I cannot find it in the general discussion anywhere and I just don't know where it posted to or if it posted at all!
My fiancé's ex wife and BM share custody (without the courts involved) of their 3 kids. My future SKIDS are boy-11, girl-13, boy-14. These kids are in a ton of activities from sports to church and I am supportive- it's how I would want my own kids raised. But this woman runs his life. She is a nurse and gets her schedule 3 weeks in advance. Every time she has the kids (and its according to how she wants the schedule) she constantly texts/calls him to pick them up/drop them off/hand over money etc (She makes more than him by probably 20-30k a year so I find this ridiculous. I know he's worried about not getting affair custody deal if he turns to the courts but I think he should file with domestic.
Anyway she is getting more and more rotten: She told my F-SD13 two weeks after we came back from getting engaged that now I owe child support to her for the 3 kids because the man she remarried (that she cheated on my fiancé with... :jawdrop: ) helps pay for things and thus so should I. My F-SD13 announced this to me and asked me if I could therefore take her school clothes shopping and when could we do that? I'm in grad school and though I make more than my fiancé, money is tight, and sure I don't mind helping out a bit because I am affectionate towards all 3 kids but this was really low of her mom! I told her she'd need to talk to her Dad about school clothes shopping but that I didn't mind coming with them. (I didn't totally answer her question and I regret not being direct because she has a misunderstanding of who is responsible for her!)
This is all new to me...anyone else who went through this? 
Others will jump in with
Others will jump in with legal advice about setting precedent of paying for her, but I wanted to say you did the very right thing in referring the child to her dad.
Also, although you've probably understood her correctly, just a caution not to believe everything a kid says about what "mom said." My sd15 isn't really much of a liar but she is a kid and does not have understanding or context for just about anything that isn't Minecraft or My Little Pony.
So sometimes she blurts out things about what happened or was said at her mom's house and her dad and I are raising our eyebrows at each other over her head. Later we learn from adult sources (the school, relatives, BM, whatever) what was really said or the context and it makes perfect sense or was clearly a throwaway remark to settle her down.
So don't fall for "kid-spin" all the time.
It's nice the child doesn't hate you yet. Fingers crossed for you that that holds up.
Yeah- any time she says
Yeah- any time she says something like that- refer her to her father. You can also say something like "That's between your mom and dad and you and I don't need to worry about it."
Sd8 has been telling us that mom said to buy this or that, but we aren't sure if she is really relaying something that bm said or just saying it herself. These are things we were probably going to buy anyhow- but if bm *did* say it (and I can't imagine why an 8 yo would try to connive us into buying shoes, etc.) then it is low down and dirty. You don't talk about things like that to a kid.
If you fdh's only concern is that he will be get a raw deal in court- he should consult with an attorney and go for it.
Our attys (all 3 we have consulted with) have said that if you can prove the level of custody you have, the courts are very likely to approve it. They don't like to change the status quo if things are going well.
Why doesn't he have a problem with being taken advantage of now?!
LOL omg that is hilarious.
LOL omg that is hilarious. I'd still be laughing.
Not one cent. You need to
Not one cent.
You need to really reconsider getting involved with a guy with children. This problem is so simplistic compared to what awaits you. Nose around here for a couple of hours.
Then tell your DF that you made a mistake, move out and find a guy without children. You will rue the day you ignore this advice. RUN don't walk.
I just feel like if I do well
I just feel like if I do well to set up good boundaries now than we will all fare better later down the road.
I love him and I care about his children and his relationship with them.