Extracurriculars .. piggyback to SoontobeStepmom's post
Our BM has voluntarily moved 45 miles away from us .. about an hour's drive without any traffic.
During the school years, she has kids Sunday night through Friday morning during the week .. DH gets Friday night through Sunday evening.
We know she will plan to enroll skids in sports (most likely cheerleading) this fall. They'll have practices during the week, and then games on the weekends. DH is less than thrilled about having to drive an hour (or more) each way every single Saturday. Considering their games sometimes start at 8am, and they have to be there 30 minutes early .. that means we're leaving the house no later than 6:30am .. every single weekend. Considering DH works nights 2/4 weeks, he doesn't even get home until 3am some Fridays.
I understand that there's commitment and sacrifice involved when you have kids in sports, but I feel like we've got to drawn the line somewhere. If DH doesn't agree, BM will seize the PAS opportunity by the horns.
Have you experienced this kind of thing? How did you compromise to make it work?
Our closest thing was SS was
Our closest thing was SS was in boy scouts but FDH enrolled him in it and he had to go with BM and miss out on scout activities or see if BM would swap a weekend. BM was notorious for not showing up so no big deal. Sorry.
This is one of the many
This is one of the many terrible things about divorce. It sucks for you and Dh to have to go that far, but it also sucks that the kids will miss out on things where they live full time. No advice, just sympathies. Seems only the BM will not be inconvenienced.
Exactly .. it just seems like
Exactly .. it just seems like she either gets all the credit as the fun parent since the girls get to do these activities at her house and not ours .. or she gets a free pass to paint DH as the bad guy if he refuses to take the skids to games.
All because SHE wanted to live further away ..
We'll have to work something
We'll have to work something out .. but no matter what that solution is, it's all because BM decided to move so far away.
DH makes the sacrifice for her decision, one way or the other.
BM has tried to say skids aren't allowed to stay with me when he's not home, but it won't fly. This only gets harder with her new job where she'll be working 12 hour shifts and not seeing the girls on her own time either.
When DH works nights, he picks skids up from school at 3pm and brings them home. He fixes dinner and hangs out with them until about 8pm when he has to leave. They go to bed at 9, so they're only without him for 1 waking hour. If he gets home at 3am (usually closer to 2am), he'll normally sleep until about 8am and have the whole day with them. It's not ideal .. but it's the life of a cop
Now we just have to figure out how to work in distance and sports too :O
Why don't you sign then up in
Why don't you sign then up in your town and have BM drive them to practices during the week/her time?
Lol .. I can only imagine the
Lol .. I can only imagine the fights that would come out of something like that
You all really should be the
You all really should be the custodial parent. Her situation is less than ideal and your home is more stable for the kids. I thought that custody was to be revisited once she returned to MD.
We thought so too. DH's
We thought so too. DH's previous attorney was just recently fired from the firm. They told DH in not so many words that the same complaints we had were pretty widespread among her clients. They apologized and refunded some of the fees he's paid in the last year.
The new attorney thinks, realistically, we won't be able to take school years from her at this point in time. She has orders to MD for the next 6 years, which is proof enough of her stability going forward (courts don't care about past changes). Because the old attorney never filed any of the contempt charges, that would all be new evidence to the court.
Basically, new lawyer doesn't think it's worth the risk to pursue a drastic change; but she is committed to getting every one of our modifications done in the change order. This would clarify school breaks, and all the other issues we've been having .. and hopefully prevent them from happening again.
Honestly, it sucks logistically for her to be so far away, but I think DH is just glad they're local again and he's back to a much closer 50/50 schedule.
As the NCP BioDad does not
As the NCP BioDad does not have to take the kids anywhere he does not want to go during his visitation time.
Tough Crap to the kids KISS MY ASS to the XW are appropriate responses to anything that the BM schedules on your DH's time. XW needs to call you DH to discuss anything Skid activity that occurs during his visitation BEFORE SHE SCHEDULES IT.
Just sayin.
I know .. and I agree. She
I know .. and I agree. She should call and discuss it with him, but it's more likely to be a quick email saying, "I'm enrolling skids in xyz activities and here are their practice/game schedules. Let me know if you have any questions."
If he says no, or doesn't commit to taking the skids to their games, BM launches her PAS campaign and tells the kids about how daddy doesn't want them to have fun or to participate in their games.
To be perfectly honest, if he's working nights and getting home at 2am; he won't be getting up at 6am to get them ready for sports. It just won't happen. BM can bitch and moan all she wants.
In the meantime, we're trying to find other activities they can be involved in that would only really fall on our time (or at least the majority). We've check out Girl Scouts, Bowling Leagues, etc. This way we can show the girls that DH DOES want them to do fun things, but he's responsible about planning on his own time. Any other suggestions would be fantastic
I've often said that if the
I've often said that if the skids are scheduled for every.extra.curricular.activity.under.the.sun on dad's parenting time it's a win/win in the PAS arena.
If skiddo is kicking a soccer ball around, it's less time to interact with dad and (gasp) SM! I think those activities are good when done reasonably, but the classic PASinator BM signs them up for literally EVERYTHING--for the express purpose as stated above.
THe BM purposely moved farther away several times, even when we moved closer it used to be 45 minutes one way drive and we'd often make 3 or 4 round trips on the weekend carting skids back and forth. They'd envariably come to our house unprepared where they'd have to get some sort of sporting gear or clothing back at the BM's house. The CO said that she was to consult Guilty Daddy before enrolling skids in programs--HA!!! She wouldn't even tell him that they were in the emergency room until we got the bill or until he saw evidence (bandaging etc) on the skid.
Agreed .. when the skids were
Agreed .. when the skids were in TX and went to go visit, we had to take them to their games on Saturday (despite traveling 1600 miles to spend 3 days with them). BM was there, and much to her disappointment, skids wanted nothing to do with her.
After every soccer play, SD5 (then 4) came running to the sidelines screaming, "Daddy did you see THAT??!" and gave him a high five. BM got a "hi mom" after the game and that was it. }:)