FDH wondering what to do about divorce papers...
FDH was served with divorce papers earlier this week. It was just the simple summons that didn't include anything about FSS3. Here's the issue... BM is using 11/8 as the day they separated. They didn't separate on that day, it was the day after Thanksgiving last year (11/27). 11/8 was the day they sat down and decided that they were going to get a divorce. FDH was living in the house with her and FSS3 until 11/27.
She has been a real pain about custody, CS, EVERYTHING. She has pretty much had everything handed to her from the time she was born. According to her, a judge is going to look at him and give her everything she wants because she is the mother.
What she doesn't realize is that FDH has status quo on his side.
She thought that even though he only makes $25,000/year rather than $37,000/yr, he should still have to pay the same amount of CS (sometimes more, depending on how crazy she is acting). Once he got a CO to have it reduced. She even thought that because she was the custodial parent, she could make ALL the decisions for FSS3 and change his name without FDH's consent. She failed to realize that they share legal custody. She supposedly talked to an attorney who set her straight. I don't care if she talked to one or not, as long as she realized that she needs to accept reality and stop blowing smoke up FDH's bum.
Sorry, my train of thought derailed for a bit... Anyway, FDH is debating on filing for divorce where we live (2hrs away from BM) with the correct date to show her that she can't push him around and get things her way. He does have proof that he was still living in the house until 11/27 of last year.
What should he do? I told him that he needs to follow his "attorney's" advice and file here. I ham having major surgery on the 30th and am being admitted to hospital the day before (the day he would be able to file). He is more concerned about my surgery than his divorce. I told him to file that morning before we go to the hospital, because this is important to him. He's been worryin gover it since he got the papers.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 
Why did they wait so long to
Why did they wait so long to file? It seems kind of silly for him to make a big deal about the true date of seperation a year later. Was there a reason he didn't file before this?
In our state, you have to be
In our state, you have to be separated 1yr and 1day before you can file for divorce.
He's really afraid she's going to try and say that he abandoned her or something crazy like that. She has a tendancy of lying and makes up some of the craziest things.
Ok, I get it now. I guess he
Ok, I get it now. I guess he can talk to an attorney, but maybe it would be better for him to file. You never know though, judges throw out stuff all the time, even though it isn't fair. I guess you just need to weigh how much this is worth to you, with you having to have surgery, etc.
if you look at up the
if you look at up the definition for "Legal Abandonment" ... a couple weeks wont be considered abondoning anything....
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That's what I keep telling him. Everything I've seen says it has to be 6 months of no contact, no support, etc.
As far as the dates, she is probably wanting to file now, because its not 11.27.10 yet, and she wants it DONE.
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She's wanting to get remarried in October of next year. Although, she's said she'll drag it out just to get whatever she can from him. He and I are engaged, but haven't set a date yet because of all his divorce stuff and my medical issues. She is on some little "timetable" and everything has to fit it. Like I said, everything on her schedule. LOL
I think that you gals are
I think that you gals are right. It is about control mostly. He is afraid that if he lets this go, she will think she got something over on him and that she can control him and call the shots on everything. She always wants everything her way, done on her schedule, regardless of the inconvenience to anyone else. FSS3 was "sick" one day when she was going on vacation. She was at the airport (15minutes from the daycare) and called us to drive 2hours to pick up FSS3 because he was "throwing up" at daycare and she would not be back in time to catch her flight that didn't leave for another hour and a half. I understand that she had a flight to catch, but when FDH reminded her that it would take him 2hours to get there, she said "it's not my problem, tonight is your overnight anyway" and hung up the phone. Not to mention that she didn't call once to see if he was feeling better the entire week she was gone. Nothing was ever said about him being sick. She called us back on the way to pick him up and said her sister had picked him up, but we needed to hurry because she had to get to school. Long story, kinda short... According to the daycare, he never even came in that day and he wasn't sick when we picked him up. We're pretty sure she was lying about it, but in all honesty we don't know that he was ever sick. He didn't act like a little boy who had been sick only hours earlier.
This is the kind of immature brat he has to deal with. I've told him that I have more to worry about right now than the difference of 2weeks on filing for divorce because of surgery. I just wish there was more that I could do for him.
I didn't really think the
I didn't really think the date mattered when my ex put a date later than our actual separation date. Boy was I wrong! It turns out, he racked up a ton of debt in the difference, making me 1/2 responsible for it. When I brought it up in court, the judge pointed to the date of separation on the paperwork that I signed. There was no going back at that point
Does the county the child
Does the county the child lives in really matter?
One reason his attorney has suggested filing here is because the county she lives in will take twice as long to get to the case because they have a busier court system than here.
Oh hey, I just reread and see
Oh hey, I just reread and see that she's trying to make the date earlier than the actual separation, not later. Hmmm why would that be? Does your state have anything about infidelity? Could it be that she was seeing someone before he actually moved out, and that she wants to move up the date so she won't be charged with infidelity?
I don't know.. I've posed
I don't know.. I've posed that question to FDH. The idea that she may be pregnant with her new BF's baby has come up, and wouldn't surprise either of us. We really don't know what is going on in her head. The hamster may be running, but the wheel is square.
That can be quelled with a
That can be quelled with a paternity test.
"Also, why would you jump
"Also, why would you jump right away into an engagement with a man who less then a year ago broke up with his wife?!?"
That's all I have to say on the matter too....we see this time and time again on the board...do you not take time to let yourselves heal and be alone or single and date around before heading down this road again? Mainly both parties need time after a divorce to heal...so do kids, big time. I know each person makes their own decision in life, but as many problems we see everyday and on this board-I really wonder why people jump so quick into another commitment like this??
I really think this is a big reason why second marriages fail so much. I hate to say this but I find it not only naive but careless.
Whether or not it's half a
Whether or not it's half a year, one year, two, or even three years into a divorce or separation the animosity can continue beyond boundaries. I got to know my DH for a year and we got married and still the cuckoo bird is putting her two cents in with PAS. We have custody of the kids and I really do feel for them, it has to be hard to learn that your biological mother does not care beyond the $$$. The courts are about to terminate her access to the kids, our girl is in the juvenile justice system and under close supervision with a program they employ to assist kids to get beyond the diversionary tactics of using self harm, alcohol and drugs to take the pain away. I am seeing some introspection with our girl lately and it's all coming good. It was hell on wheels for a while there!!