This is my first post and I feel this site is going to be a God send for me!

I don't know where to begin. I can't begin. There's a thousand and one issues/problems/annoyances. I could fill a book. I feel so much stress and anxiety when SD13 is around, which is Thursdays and every other weekend.

Without going into detail about all our problems (I'll need a blog for that), I am constantly going back and forth and second guessing myself.....

One minute I'm so frustrated and mad and the next minute I feel guilty and out of line.
I think, why can't I just be calm and accept her the way she is? Why do I have these feelings? I shouldn't be getting upset over things that others might seem trivial. Then I do a 180 and think no, I'm allowed to feel this way. She should or shouldn't be doing "_____" (insert annoyance here).

I've known SD13 since she was 9. Me and bf were not together until she was 12 but we were close friends. It didn't used to be this way. She was cute and loveable and didn't annoying the hell out of me then.
Now, when I wake up the morning that she is coming, I get anxiety. Constantly stressed and my jaw hurts I'm so anxious. I'm in an overall crap mood. It all goes away like magic the second she goes back to her BM's house.

Am I alone in having extreme feelings of guilt for not being able to bond with her and for being so annoyed be her? I beat myself up about it, and then turn around and justify my feelings to myself. It's a roller coaster and is so confusing. I don't want to feel this way towards her. I can't help it.

Please tell me you have all had the same feelings at one point?