Gas lighting?
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I've just realised that my partner has been gas lighting me? I'm not 100% sure of its meaning but the fact that he tells me that I'm 'overreacting' to absolutely every disagreement we have and that I'm crazy often.
He's not long since had counselling and we'd been doing so well with SS8 and DD1, but he seems to be reverting to pre-counselling again and he was horrible then.
His mother is a true narcissist and he is quite high up on that scale, his ex has sociopathic tendencies and his son is a complete mess.
Can people with these issues ever change, become normal? Has anyone else gone through this? What happened in the end?
@MarieThat's the ridiculous
@MarieThat's the ridiculous thing because he'll admit being like that and be fine for a while and then a couple of months later he'll do the crazy thing again but this time it's my fault.
@Fightin, I will get that book, even though I'm not sure I can take much more. Him and his family/child have put me through hell for 3 years!
Thank you both!
You're absolutely right. He's
You're absolutely right. He's questioned my intelligence today as well, saying that I'm not as clever as I think I am. I question everything, he knows I do which is how I realised he was from a family of Narcissists, his mother being the queen of all Narcissists.
I've saved enough to get out in a couple of weeks, it's just the thought of taking his daughter away. He says she's the light of his life, but I'm not sure I can even believe that now. I think the only love of his life is himself!
I get the 'I have a funny way
I get the 'I have a funny way of showing it' crap too.
The only true reason I've stayed is our DD. If it wasn't for her, I'd have gone a long time ago. I just get the feeling that I've prolonged it.
He's just asked me to go to couples therapy. I'm really not sure there's any point. On top of all his issues mentally, he has Ulcerative Colitis and can't be bothered with me the rest of the time. I don't have a life, just an existence...
There is no way on this earth
There is no way on this earth I could cope with even a few more months of this, never mind years. I truly thought he'd turned a corner.
I guess we all like to think we can change people, but seems we can't...
The term comes from an old
The term comes from an old Ingrid Bergman/Charles Boyer movie. It's excellent, btw. Boyer marries Bergman with a secret agenda. He does things like hide his own watch behind the big clock then accuse her of taking it, confronting her with "evidence" of her theft by "finding" it behind the clock. The fact that she denies ever doing so is evidence of her "crazy" because she doesn't "remember" having done so. She "obviously" goes into a fugue or something, if she can't remember pilfering it.
By the end of the movie she is, in fact, such a bundle of nerves she can barely function because she doesn't trust her own judgment. Any attempts she makes at regaining her life, such as accepting an invitation against his wishes (he wants ehr to stay in the house all the time), he will sabotage by showing her evidence of her "fugues" in the middle of the event ("find" his watch in her purse during the part). She will then be so distraught she does in fact make a spectacle of herself in front of everyone, thereby furthering the perception to society that she is nuts.
He simply cannot have her trusting her own judgment. Every night, at a certain time, she notices the gaslights in the house (it takes place in the late 19th century) flicker. This is an important clue, but she doesn't believe her own perception. Until one night when a concerned friend witnesses the same flicker. I won't spoil the ending for anyone.
The phenomenon of being made to feel crazy by someone who wants to deflect you from a real truth is perfectly portrayed in this film. The gaslight clue gives its name to both the then newly coined verb and to the movie itself.
I just love the movie a lot and it gave me an important aha moment in my own life.
It sounds like a great film.
It sounds like a great film. Really would love to watch it some time.
It's horrible being told you are crazy. I wouldn't mind but his other counsellor told him that I was his voice of reason, but nope - I'm still overreacting to everything. Ugh!