Hello fellow sufferers. I have learned a lot on this site and have taken such comfort from knowing I am not alone with my step issues. Anyway, I would appreciate other's thoughts on this. My SS is 11. BM is a controlling b--ch who lives about 20 minutes away. Since I have known BF (about 5 years now) the skid schedule has been every two days, or EOD depending on outside committments and work, vacation etc. The BM is OCD and needs everything spelled out literally to the minute. She has on the schedule pick 6pm, drop off 10 am, and once we were five minutes late picking SS up, and she came out to the car and cursed us out for 10 minutes. FREAK SHOW.
She either makes the schedule herself, or to give us some illusion of control, allows us to make the schedule and then proceeds to change it to what she wanted in the first place. When SS was 5 or 6 and there were no significant others in the picture, I maybe could see the rationale of EOD/E2D, but now he is 11 and should be learning responsibility and making friends. He has no friends in our neighborhood because no one knows when he will be there. The boys in the neighborhood knocked a few times asking for skid, and then gave up. A neighborhood mom asked what the arrangement with skid was so the kids could play together, and my BF sounded like such an idiot trying to explain...well, its about every two days, except when it isn't....
The main problem is the skid functions like a 6 year old, and as much as I hate it, I kind of understand why. My therapist calls him the gypsy child. He has no idea where he will be or what he is doing, and no wonder he is a total airhead who constantly loses things and depends on his dad to pack his bag, organize his stuff and basically do everything for him. It seems to me that SS is a lazy ass who sits around watching TV and playing video games because he has no sense that he can control anything in his life, so why bother? Kids need stability and structure right? He is going to be in junior high in a week. Hasn't anyone thought of the simple realities for him? He won't even know which house his math book is in on any given day!
BF and BM contantly email back and forth about the schedule. I really wonder (more than wonder, suspect) that the schedule is BM's way of keeping close tabs on BF and I. As she has it, our lives are dictated by her and even our weekends away and vacations have to be approved by her. I asked BF if he had ever asked SS if EOW would be better for him, and NO, he hadn't even asked! He is 11. He has opinions. Then I have to wonder if BF in some way desires the constant contact with BM too?? Co-dependents? In my view, this stupid EOD/E2D schedule keeps BF and ex in constant contact, puts absurd limits on our life and is making the kid turn into a lazy, socially immature mess with no friends. Is there any benefit to EOD/E2D that I am not appreciating? Is there any way to get this point across to BF? When I asked BF if he talked to SS about what SS wanted, he said "you talk to him." Really, I cannot see how that is my place instead of his parent's. I also wonder if BF is the problem in that HE cannot handle not seeing SS for a week at a time, even if its in SS's best interest. Perhaps the stupid schedule is BFs own selfishness and he cannot face it. I feel sorry for the kid, feel sorry for myself, and cannot fathom who this messed up arrangement benefits. Isn't all the crap supposed to be for the kid? Oh, right, no one stopped to consider the kid. :?