Has anyone ever used a private investigator?
I hope I don’t come off as a psycho stalker because I am not lol! I have written a few posts about this so I won’t get into every little detail, but basically I have some suspicions about DH that I am trying to get cleared up. It is mainly in regard to his finances.
His income doesn’t add up with the hours he says he works- sometimes he gets checks direct deposited and sometimes he gets cash and always for different amounts (sometimes $400, sometimes $100, sometimes $30, etc.). Yesterday for example his paycheck was 0.22 -yes that’s 22 CENTS.. how the hell do you get a 22 cent check?? He pays bills late every month. His money is basically unaccounted for and every time I ask him about it, he cannot give me an explanation. I have also caught him in lies regarding his finances.
Now the reason why I am so concerned with this (other than the obvious- bills being paid late and him lying to me) is that DH has a history with drugs. I did not learn about this until we were already together and he assured me it was years ago and not an issue anymore but with the money issues, I am not so sure about that. I also know that DH gambles- I don’t mind if he goes and spends a little extra money he has, but not the bill money.
Basically, I just want to find out once and for all what is going on BEFORE I have any kids with DH.
Does anyone have any experience using a private investigator? I really don’t know how else I would find out what I need to find out.
Thank you so much!
He works for a heating and
He works for a heating and air conditioning installation company (HVAC).
Things just aren't adding
Things just aren't adding up.. How is it even possible for you to get a 22 cent check? I work in finance and I can't figure it out so it is definitely something shady!
I don't think you need a PI
I don't think you need a PI to tell you anything. Listen to your instincts. Whatever the reason he is not being truthful about his income or where his money goes. Is there any reason that would make it all right for him to lie to you about these things? He is an undercover agent or maybe in the witness protection program? Sorry for the sarcasm but if his income is disappearing like you say there is no good explanation. And why would you consider having a baby with him if that is the case.
Why spend $$ on a PI when your gut instinct tells you all you need to know?
That’s a good point. I guess
That’s a good point. I guess I just want to know with absolute certainty what it is. It might be stupid but feeling like something is wrong and not knowing exactly what it is is killing me!
Pay attention to that
Pay attention to that feeling. It is NEVER wrong.
Hmmm the forensic accountant
Hmmm the forensic accountant is a good idea! But like you said, he does a lot in cash so I am not sure if they would be able to find anything. I will have to call around and see who is able to do what. Even when DH does get a decent paycheck direct deposited into his account, he immediately withdraws it in cash which I find extremely suspicious because you can use your debit card to pay for just about anything (unless you are hiding something).
Yes, that's definitely a good
Yes, that's definitely a good idea for you because it will save you a ton of money!
I wonder how much it would cost if I could find someone local. I am going to look into it because I don't have $2000 to spend on it (since the outcome won't make me any money).
Really the only thing I am going to get out of this would be to (hopefully) find out the truth about what DH is up to. I have been going over his finances for a while now and can't figure it out for the life of me. Every time I ask him about it, he gets defensive and says he isn't in my business, so why am I in his business? That type of response. I say well if you have questions about my finances, you are more than welcome to take a look. I get paid salary so my paycheck is the exact same every other week. You can see bills being paid out of my checking account. I hardly EVER take cash out so you can see exactly where my money is going. Not the case for him.
I feel like it's my business
I feel like it's my business too, CheriWilson. I am fine with him having a little privacy but not when it is causing him to pay bills late and not when it affects me directly.
Thank you, hypovic. I do feel
Thank you, hypovic.
I do feel like my insticts are telling me he's doing SOMETHING, I just have no idea what it is. I mean of course I have IDEAS in my head, but I don't know if they are valid or if it's something that I have not even thought of yet.
It is sad because I don't hide important things from him and I don't make poor decisions that affect him.
sueu2, Now you know how I
sueu2, Now you know how I feel with the confusion over what he is paid and what he is paid for! He only works for 1 company and he is supposed to be receiving a paycheck every week (meaning it’s not supposed to be under the table)- he does have jobs that he does on the side, that’s the nature of the business he is in, so he will have cash from those jobs, but as for his regular day job, it is not supposed to be under the table. This is why I am so confused as to how he does not have regular paychecks.
Also, why would he be taking all the cash out when he does get a paycheck? Sorry if I am making it sound confusing but it IS confusing!
You are right about it being insulting. I know he is hiding something, I just don’t know exactly what it is. I guess I am kind of obsessed with figuring out what it is.
That is definitely possible
That is definitely possible because I know he has gotten loans from his employer in the past.
If he is working full time, I have no idea why he would need a loan. This is where the mystery of where the money is going comes in.
CheriWilson, yes that is what
CheriWilson, yes that is what he did before, advances on his paycheck. I shouldn't have said loans. That would definitely explain the crazy paycheck amounts if he is still doing that.
Not sure why your obsessing
Not sure why your obsessing on where it goes - does it really matter if he is not contributing to the household?
It took me a long time to
It took me a long time to learn that a relationship is not a court of law. Nobody gets to be innocent until proven guilty.
If you are unhappy with the results (no money, bills paid late, etc) you are unhappy. Does it really matter if he is drugging, gambling, chasing women, or giving it away to a charity.
The net result is you being unhappy. You don't need "proof" of what is causing your unhappiness.
Oh wow. That is a good point,
Oh wow. That is a good point, stepdown.
I just really want to know what he is doing. Some people understand, some don't but that's just how I feel. I don't think he is cheating because he never leaves the house except to go to work. I know it can happen during the day but I just don't feel like it's that.
I am naturally suspicious about drugs because of his past. Also, my brother is a drug addict (and so is my ex who I lived with) so I know how it works and missing money is a HUGE indicator.
A friend of mine asked me if I think he may be giving money to BM. I don't know if he would do that or not but she definitely got me thinking. DH and BM have 50/50 custody so no one pays CS. She was suggesting maybe the reason DH has SD every other week, opposed to the normal every other weekend, is because he is paying BM.
My last thought is gambling. I know he gambles sometimes and I am fine with that as long as it doesn't get out of hand.
Other than those things, I have no idea what else it could be.
Every time I ask to see his
Every time I ask to see his paystub, he makes up an excuse. I have yet to see 1 single paystub.
When you do your taxes, what
When you do your taxes, what does he claim as income for the year??
imjustthemaid, I am in the
imjustthemaid, I am in the process of doing our taxes together for the first time (we just got married in April so last year we both filed single).
I just wrote a post about the tax issue because I just found out when I saw DH's W2 that he has been claiming exempt all year (he is NOT exempt) to avoid having taxes taken out of his paycheck. Because of this, he obviously owes money. Since we are married, it of course is affecting my tax return as well. It's a HUGE mess. This is basically what led me to think about hiring a private investigator. I knew he had something going on with his finances before I saw his W2, but now I am REALLY suspicious.
Hmmm like attaching his
Hmmm like attaching his wages?
I would start by running a
I would start by running a Criminal Background Check (CBC) and credit check on DH. Depending on what returns you can go from there.
We have used a PI to dig up dirt on my Skid's SpermIdiot. Mainly his under the table cash income as a plumber.
You are better off using a good one than a cheap one. Do some research on licensed PI firms in your area.
Good luck.
You don't need a private
You don't need a private investigator. You need a moving truck and a divorce attorney.
Sorry - I've been there and it SUCKS.
But life afterwards got to be amazing. I hope it does for you too.
I honestly feel that if you
I honestly feel that if you end up having to go the route of a private investigator to find out what your DH is doing with his money that is making bills late, you shouldn't have a child with him at all. This is something that he needs to be open about with you and a great opportunity for him to do so. If he isn't honest with you know or is avoiding the subject completely for whatever reason why in the world would you want to link yourself to this man for life?
Take this as a sign
Is it possible to follow him
Is it possible to follow him yourself? See if he actually goes to work as he says he is, or is he going somewhere else? Could you borrow or rent an inconspicuous car with tinted windows? Put on some sort of hat and sunglasses? Take a sick day from work, leave the house before he does, wait a little way down the street and follow him when he goes by?
Put a GPS tracker on his car so you can see where he goes?
Hire the PI. About the only thing a PI could do is follow him and take photos. Maybe call "Cheaters" (really really stupid TV show) and get them to do it for you for free?
Drug test him?
This is the sort of thing you will be driven to do time and time again with this man, because your perception and the facts do not agree with the lame stories he's telling you. He's figuring out how dumb you are, and how much he can get away with.
Additional tax paid on one year's tax return (which you can do as "married filing separately", and should) is a small penalty to get out of this situation unscathed financially.
You have confronted him. His explanations are not adequate. You could try one more time, to see if he will own up to whatever it is, but if he's an addict, you can be sure he will lie, and lie, and lie some more to protect his ability to use, and to do it at your expense. The gut-churning anxiety that you feel is completely natural when the person closest to you is engaging in deception. Your body knows your safety is at risk, and is trying to get your attention.
Thank you guys. I did a
Thank you guys. I did a credit check on DH before moving in with him- he has bad credit but he told me about this ahead of time and I didn't see anything that he didn't warn me about so I was happy that at least he was honest. He had a house with BM that went to short sale and they also had credit cards together that neither wanted to pay when they broke up. Whatever.
He has a theft charge from way before we were together on his record and he has come clean about that with me.
I guess the reason why I am giving him the benefit of the doubt is because there are things in his past that he has been upfront and honest with me about. With that being said, he did have a past drug addiction that he did NOT tell me about- he didn't necessarily LIE, but he did not come out and tell me about it either (my mom saw him at the methadone clinic when she took my younger brother there for his own addiction and told me about it- how embarassing).
I know we aren't in a position right now to have a child. When I mentioned that in my post, I just meant that I do want to have one eventually and I need to find out what is going on with DH in order to determine if I am staying or going. I am in my late 20s with no kids, I have no time to mess around!
I did fill out a form online for a local PI to call me and do a consultation so we will see what they say! I tried to follow DH once before & got caught lol so I am nervous to try that again! As long as the PI is something I can afford, I will see what they can find out!
I have a friend that
I have a friend that something similar happened to her and come to find out her husband had a child (9 yrs old) (during their marriage)that he had been paying child support on all those years and she had no idea.
One day she got a notice in the mail about child support on a child with her husbands name on it. CS services had sent it to the wrong address, he had a PO box.
She was devasted when she found out that he had a child with someone else that was 9 years old and he had kept it from her for that many years.
He worked in HVAC too and it was with someone he had been to her house on the job.
Omg! A friend of mine
Omg! A friend of mine actually asked me “are you sure he’s not giving money to BM?” and that got me thinking..
DH doesn’t pay official CS because they have 50/50 custody (we actually end up having her more than that so if anyone should be paying it’s BM but that’s another story..).
My friend was wondering if maybe DH is paying BM to “let” him have SD every other week rather than the “normal” every other weekend. (I don’t know if that’s normal in other areas or not, but where we live NO DAD has their kid for the full week- it’s always every other weekend).