He doesn’t want to tell child’s mom about us..

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I am dating a great guy who has a 2 year old but he is very hesitant to tell her mom that he is in a relationship. I have met all of his friends/family/business associates & spend substantial time with the child. He recently shared with ex's mom that he was in a relationship and she urged him not to tell her daughter. HER mom felt that it would not handle it well.. This confuses me because they were never in a relationship but he has been an EXCELLENT father. He feels that she will wreak havoc on our lives once she knows. He is transparent in his communication so I see that she is unreasonable and slightly unhinged but I don't think secrecy is the answer. Thoughts? Thanks in advance

I could just say what most will........... RUN!!

but I will take it a bit deeper. First how long have you been together and how serious is the relationship?

Before you get to serious you need some questions answered starting with WHY to all of it. Why is it an issue for her? why does he care if it is? Etc....

He can't expect you to deal with any of that. I have dealt with seriously batshit crazy and I can tell you it has not been fun! for 20 + years !! My husband did a lot of hiding in the beginning too. I did not figure it out until years later. for example, He always picked me up. Why? So my car wouldn't be in the driveway when the nut did nightly surveillance of his house. She knew he was dating but didn't know I was coming to the house as much as I was. It was crazy and awful!! Then when she knew for sure then she would start the public scenes. Granted she looked like a crazy nut but it still was embarrassing.

Get to the bottom of this now before you get any more involved!!!

This sets the tone for your

This sets the tone for your relationship. He is willing to shove you into the closet so BM won't see. Far too other women for me. You deserve a man who is proud to be with you.

How old is this guy and how

How old is this guy and how long have you been seeing him? So, for 2 years he's been handling her with kid gloves so she doesn't wreak havoc?

If she's that high conflict that he is afraid to let her know he's in a relationship, you might want to really re-think being with this guy. They weren't even in a relationship, but she expects him to never be in one? Ever?

How old are you? Do you want kids? Will they need to be a secret, too? Your vacations, new house, new car, all secrets because she won't handle it well?

He's not handling her well and that will not bode well for your relationship. Frankly, even if he was attempting to handle her differently, a high conflict, unreasonable, unhinged BM will do a number on your relationship and your life.

Why should he tell her? None

Why should he tell her? None of her business who he's seeing. What he does with their child on his time is up to him. what he does on the time where he doesn't have his child is up to him. There is no reason for you to be treated like a dirty little secret. Does he have a CO?

It’s a RED FLAG

Because he's putting too much effort into keeping it a secret. A two yo is going to think what going on is normal. Like every family is set up this way. The ex is making unreasonable demands, ( not to tell the child) How do you tell a 2 yo you have a GF? 2 yo will never understand relationships, as GF .
There is trouble ahead.

The 2 year knows me. Her mom

The 2 year knows me. Her mom does not.
Child's maternal grandmother says not to tell her mom. My partner agrees.

Surprisingly the two year old

Surprisingly the two year old hasn't leaked the info.. Yet.. Sounds like a HCBM who will try and control you and your SO for all of eternity.

He & I are both 38, BM is 35.

We have been together for 8 months. He is a very public entrepreneur and is worried about what she will attempt to do to his business. (And mine, I'm an entrepreneur as well.) He says he will tell her to make me feel secure but doesn't recommend it because of how he knows she will react. He doesn't get the point in telling her.. I don't want to deal with drama for he & or I but this can't be the answer.

I have a child and do not want anymore.

She is going to find out

She is going to find out eventually, kids do talk. So what is his plan when that happens?

I don't tell my ex jack about my life because what I do is none of his business,. But I also don't hide anything from him either.

So you're all grownups. To be

So you're all grownups. To be fair, eight months isn't that long, and I do question him bringing you around his child so soon. And him telling BM's mom but not telling BM just seems like courting drama to me.

That said, has he taken care of business? Is there a custody order in place? Support order? This alone will tell you a lot about this guy, and if he hasn't handled these things, BM could indeed make things quite difficult for him. Still, that's what he gets for breeding with a High Conflict woman, and the onus is on him to acquire the tools to deal with her.

I think I would make myself less available. If he wants you in his life, he needs to put his stuff in order.

...because I have a STRONG feeling you are going to experience this in your not too distant future.

get ready for a rough ride.