Hi I’m new here
Hey everyone. I’m a new stepparent to a now full time 4 year old stepdaughter. He just got custody of her a week ago and I’m already losing my friggin mind. I’m not going full into the back story, but she is better off here because the entire family on her moms side are pill heads: grandmother, boyfriend, grandfather, and her mother. Her mother is currently in jail. Anyhow. My house, or should I say husbands house because he does not consult with me on anything, has turned into a ducking nut house. I’m a sahm to a 5 month old so I really enjoy my nights when I’m kid free. Well that’s changed. SD stays up past midnight. Whines like there is no tomorrow, like I’ve never seen a child this disobedient , it grates my nerves. To top it off ever since Friday his niece has been here (no breaks for me this weekend) now his nephew is here. Oh and the icing on the cake is the crackhead grandmother and aunt are here to play with SD. Did I say I’m losing my mind yet? I’m currently camped out in DDs room to get a little peace and quite.
I’m not sure if I wanted advice, just a place to vent, or what.
I do not know what to do with myself and this situation. I feel like I need to get out but o do not have any money.
Ugh.
?
?
You have to stand up now.
You have to stand up now. You have to change what going on, or it will only get worse
Tell SO. To controll his kid. Give her a bed time like 8 pm, it’s a 4 yo.
None of this midnight, none of this family every weekend, none of this grandmother
They are putting you under the bus
You sleep train her like you
You sleep train her like you do any 2 year old who just got their big kid bed. Walk them back, tuck them in. Over and over... They get it eventually. But yelling, making a fuss making a 4 yr old feel unlike or unloved won't solve anything. BM is gone for now, she is still able to learn and isn't set in her ways (even though 3-4 yr olds think they are!).
I think I need to train DH,
I think I need to train DH, it’s him who allows all of this I’ve just got to figure out how to do that.
What kind of visitation did
What kind of visitation did Dad have with his little girl prior to this custody change? Being you stated Mom got sent to jail and the rest of Mom's family are pill heads, I bet this little one has had little guidance nor a role model to teach her (unless Dad has had 50/50, which still would put the kid 50% of the time with her druggie other side).
I think I would start with having the little girl seen by her pediatrician and see if dr feels she is developing physically and mentally per her age. Dr might suggest a child therapist to help the little one with all the adjustments she is going through.
Not sure why the mother's family is over visiting (supervised visitation?), but I would try and get whatever visits these people were given to be elsewhere other than your home. Perhaps if it is supervised visitation ordered they can do it at a pay for fee center.
Why all the nieces and nephews popping in all weekend? This child needs time to get into a routine and adjust. An afternoon stop by for a couple hours , IMO, right now would be sufficient.
Also, as long as you are staying, if Dad won't (or is not home to) get the little girl under control and into a routine, I'd feel free to do so myself. You have a five month old baby, the older child can not be staying up late. She can't be running wild and not listening all day. She needs structure. Consider enrolling her in a preschool Monday thru Friday during the day where she would have children her age and a learning and fun peer environment. It would be good for her and give you a break. It also might wear her out so she is tired at a decent time and she will have a chance to see how other children behave.
^^^ All of this. This little
^^^ All of this. This little girl, preschooler, has had her entire life turned upside down. I am sure she is acting out. This makes sense!! Please give her a chance, at 4 she can still be molded. You don't have to worry about BM undoing all the progress you make with her. Get her into therapy and start over. You have to set boundaries and expectations. But mostly, if this little one just lost her mom (even if she was a piece of shit- the woman was still her mom) she needs love and understanding.
This is really great advice,
This is really great advice, thank you!
It’s noy that she’s a bad little girl, it’s her dad who allows this behavior, I’ve tried to explain to him that she needs structure but he does whatever because he feels sorry for her. He’s constantly buying her toys, she’s got 2 and 3 of everything because he can’t remember all the crab she has. I’ve tried to explain to him that toys don’t make up for missed time or love but whatever.
The nascar twins (niece and nephew as I call them - they are named after nascar tracks, seriously) TRASHED my house. He invites them around to entertain SD because god forbid she’s not entertained 24/7.
The mother’s family, who just saw SD on Thursday were here because DH feels sad that they can’t sss SD. I’m like she’s not going to understand why these people are coming over now when this has never happened before, plus I don’t want them in my house they are extremely rude and messed up. Neutral location would be great. They do not have court ordered visitation.
I swear, I cannot take this nuthouse shit
oh dear, I would find a job
oh dear, I would find a job as soon as possible and get him to pay daycare for both kids, that will solve allot of issues.
Or simply tell him, HOn we have to get the kids into routine, people can't simply come and go as they please,t his is not a half way house or hotel,
we need to set schedules, it will be good for every one, show him that addict/recovering addicts, deals better with structure and routine, and so does children.
Set some goals and stick to
Set some goals and stick to them. This won't fix itself; you have to fix it to suit your situation.
I have been where you are. I finally put on my "big girl pants" and fixed it. Whatever it takes girl.
Start by reading and staying here (every day) on steptalk. You have excellent support here and good advice.
Good Luck and keep us posted on your progress, which will probably take time. It will seem slow and you will have set backs; sticking to your goals and boundaries will get you to the end results.
One round table family talk will not fix it; you have to stick to your target and work on it every day, every month, and probably the rest of your life.
I’ve been reading this site
I’ve been reading this site for a little while now, I just finally got around to commenting