High School Graduation Party / Drinking

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My 18 year old stepson has graduated from high school. My husband of 3 years and I had a party for him last Saturday. I work full-time. Thursday after work I stayed up cleaning the house until 11:30. Friday I left work early at 3:00 and ran around to numerous stores purchasing food / party supplies and was up until midnight preparing. Saturday morning (the day of the party) I woke up at 7:00 a.m., ran to several stores for things I had forgotten, came home mowed the lawn, vaccumed the swimming pool, prepared food, set up, etc., etc.

Kids start coming over about 2:00 / 3:00 swiming, eating, and all is well. Adults start coming over around 5:00.

It is now early evening and when the adults start the festivities we do have beer set aside for our "adult" family and friends.

I purposely bought clear see through cups. I start noticing all these kids drinking out of other solo cups that are not see through. Then I see kids getitng into the beer coolers. Then I see my stepson's friends (minors) with their own case of beer that they brought in. THEN I find out the my stepson's friends (minors) brought in a bottle of Jagermeister and they are mixing it with Red Bull (caffine drink).

At the beginning when I saw them getting into the beer coolers I went up to them and politely said if you are not 21 you are not to be drinking here to no avail. It continued. Then I starting becoming more vocal telling them to shut it down and cease. They continued to ignore me and defy me and continued on. My stepson, for whose party it was, even raised his hand to me in a I'm not listening to you / don't talk to me motion. My other older (20) stepson told me "you can't tell me what to do". At one point my husand came around the corner and I told him I didn't like what was going on with the underage drinking and, in front of the kids, he told me to "shut up" and don't "discipline his kids".

15 minutes later when I discovered that it has escalated to the Jaegermeister I confiscated the bottle and dumped it and then I dragged the beer coolers to a location and me and a couple other moms sat on them so the kids could not get in them.

I am now the big evil stepmother. My one stepson even posted a comment on his Facebook page "Fine, I will just go somewhere else to get drunk. F YOU!"

Eventually after some of my husband's buddies went and told him this was right letting these kids drink, he FINALLY, told them to stop it. They then all left. (On a side note, my oldest stepson who is only 20 was allowed to came back to our house 3 hours later with his own beer and proceeded to drink his beer and 4 Locos with his girlfriend at our house after we just went through this situation at the party -- thus flaunting it in my face that he was allowed to do this).

I am GREATLY hurt over this whole mess. I put a lot of time, energy and money into this party and I feel like I have gotten spit on and slapped in the face.

Then on top of it all, after days of party prep, a long party day, I just wanted Sunday to be quiet and recouperate because I am right back to work early Monday morning. I was out laying by the pool and then about 2:00 both boys come over with their friends and it's THEIR restful pool day with my husband cooking leftovers for them and make sure they are happy. I can't even have the courtesy to be allowed one day to recoup. (Can I even be remotely in the wrong here)

I feel I am owed an apology by my stepsons.

Any thoughts.....

You are owed an apology by

You are owed an apology by ALL who did the behaviors and ANYONE who aided the stepsons to drink and disrespect you. YOUR DH IS A DICK!

Has your DH always been this

:jawdrop: :jawdrop:

Has your DH always been this disrespectful to you? Is there where the SSs learned it from?

Dont you dare say that you

Dont you dare say that you are sorry, they are under age. In some states it is legal for a minor to drink at home in the present of his parents however, it is illegal to provide minors with alcohol that are not your own children. No cop/judge would believe a statement saying that the kids brought the drinks on their own, the fact would just be in was in your home and minors were allowed to drink.

Common sense does NOT have

Common sense does NOT have you call the cops, because she is immediately implicated because the asshole kids are at HER house drinking HER beer,
I know she forbade it and it's a realy SHITTY UNFORGIVEABLE situation that they put her in, but her and her husband could very well have been arrested and fined for what her SELFISH SPOILED ROTTEN step-kids did even if she's the one that called the police.

Not while she has witnesses

Not while she has witnesses in the house that she tried to keep the beer away from the kids. She even said that there were other moms who helped her drag the beer coolers out of the kids reach and they sat on them so that the kids couldn't get the beer.

I would have risked it.

And you know what? What judge would throw the book at a parent who calls the cops because the underage kids in the house refuse to stop being assholes and drink? Seriously, let's critically think that through.

Umm, two moms at a party in

Umm, two moms at a party in SS's town were arrested for allowing kids to drink. This could have backfired on OP if she called the cops. HOWEVER, her DH is a hosebag for allowing this. If those kids left, got into an accident, and died, they could be sued. Also if someone else called the cops on them, which could happen, DH and SM will be arrested. This is a very dangerous position to be in. Your DH is a complete and utter a-hole as is your SS.

Oh, that's right--this is the "DH" who says the house is more his kids' than yours -- hon, I am so angry on your behalf! Please--start sticking up for yourself and get away from this selfish selfish man!

I have a very good friend of

I have a very good friend of mine who had a nearly identical situation. She’s a divorced mom, and had a party for her son’s 16th birthday. Since it was a “big” birthday, she had a lot of her family there as well as the son’s friends. It was a big party and the Mom had beer and wine for the adults. Her son’s friends brought booze (hard alcohol, not that it makes a difference)… The “kids” were mixing it with soda to be stealthy. The guys got rowdy, she caught one of them with a bottle and told them to leave and they wouldn’t. She didn’t want her family getting involved with trying to remove these “kids” from her house so she called the police. SHE wound up arrested and had criminal charges filed against her. The “kids” were all on the football team, they received citations and had drivers licenses suspended (slap on the wrist)
The school suspended the kids from playing football for the rest of the school year. (it was near the end of football season, the team didn’t make it to states that year… boo hoo) my friend was vilified by the town as if SHE were the one supplying these kids the booze. She had to get an attorney to fight criminal charges… She won… and although the arrest made it to the front page of our shitty local paper, her victory in court either never made it or was buried so far deep in the paper that nobody ever saw it.

When I saw this post, this is all I could think of and it absolutely INFURIATED me that the o/p’s husband would allow this and that it’s OK to drink in front of the kids’ BM!

Let me start by saying kudos

Let me start by saying kudos to you for even throwing any kind of party for a shithead stepkid. Second, let me say I very much enjoy my alcohol, and parties involving alcohol.....FOR ADULTS to enjoy! When i was in high school, i opted NOT to have a grad party because I knew my parents wouldn't let anyone have any alcohol. i chose instead to go to the 'cool parents' kids parties so i could drink. BUT, I WAS SEVENTEEN THEN, thought I knew every damn thing!

Now that I am a parent, in no way, shape or form would I ever ever ever allow underage children to drink alochol in my home or under my supervision. you did everything right my friend, EVERYTHING!

Your husband needs a good punch in his face for the way he spoke to you, and for the horrible parenting decision he made. If even ONE of those children got too drunk and died or got behind the wheel of a car and killed themselves or someone else, your husband would find himself behind bars, maybe for the rest of his natural life! Underage drinking being allowed by an adult to an underage child is a crime, he needs to know that real fast!

Oh, and I would make my facebook status read "FUCK YOU TOO SHITHEAD STEPKID", and you think i'm kidding but i'm totally not.

Where are these kids mothers? Why are YOU the one having the party for them and not her?

Yikes. I am a custodial

Yikes. I am a custodial stepmom that raised my two stepsons. One graduated last year and one graduated this year. I had large parties for both of them and had alcohol for the parents and did not have a problem with any kid trying to drink the beer/alcohol. You cannot allow kids to drink at your house..period. It is illegal and a huge liability to you and your husband. Plus you have a pool :shudders: bad things happen with drunk teens. You made the right call, who cares if it was popular decision or not, it is RIGHT.

I will say this. I have a very good husband, who has always respected me and my position as his wife and the care giver of the children (all 3 of them). I took care of the food prep/caterers, but my husband and boys were outside prepping the yard, pitching canopies, picking up tables and chairs from rental place, getting ice, cooling drinks, etc. And he and the boys cleaned up the yard and loaded everything back up when they were done. There is no way in hell I would plan and do everything only to get dumped on by ingrate "kiddults".

Wow, you are absolutely owed an apology. Have your husband read my reply

My stepsons live with their

My stepsons live with their mother and she is not a good role model. It's not a good situation. My husband fought for years for custody of his two sons to no avail. The boys ultimately stated they wanted to live with their mother. My husband loves his two boys dearly and has tried being a good father to them.

When my husband decided he wanted to have a party for his son I was happy to do it for my stepson. My husband did also help with the party prep.

The problem is, the mother lets the boys drink over at HER house, so they automactially think they can drink over at DAD's house.

I have to agree here. Dad

I have to agree here. Dad really dropped the ball on this one.

You're husband sounds like a

You're husband sounds like a real fucker.

I would have called the cops on every single one of those kids, including my skids, the moment they drove away from my house to have them busted for underage drinking and DUI.

That would've learnt them.

This is a great example of a parent being a friend and a child thinking they know how to raise themselves. :sick:

I am new here but agree that

I am new here but agree that underage drinking is not right. But at least your son graduated. My ss kept the fact he had not graduated from his mom and myself untill after we spent the money on the party and the family members bought and brought the gifts

Recently parents of minors

Recently parents of minors have been successfully charged with a crime of giving alcohol to a minor (their own kid and others). Other parents have been successfully sued after the minor caused damage or injury. Lost home - car - future income. In theory every adult who knew or should have known they were drinking could be liable and certainly the owner of the home.

You had no choice other than to leave taking your steps with your or at a minimum informing the bio-father what was going on and then leaving just to protect yourself.

This is very foolish behavoir on the part of the hosts. Even if you stand alone stand proud.

Honestly, common sense

Honestly, common sense would've told me not to have coolers of alcohol at a high school graduation party, even if it's intended to be for legal adults only. The graduation party is for the graduate & their friends. The food & beverages should be appropriate for the company. Certainly the adults could enjoy a night of company without alcohol.

The fact that they were drinking at your home & in your company makes you & your DH responsible for anyone who would've wrecked after they left your party...contributing. Something you & your DH should both keep in mind for the next party.

There was an alcohol party

There was an alcohol party last night and word got around to some of us parents, luckily my skids don't hang in that crowd so it was a non issue for me. But my one neighbor decided that the best thing she could do was to drive her 17 year old kid to the party and drop him off at 8 and then pick him up at 12 am so that he wouldn't be driving drunk. Great lesson. This kid is also a lifeguard at our community pool...hope no one drowns today because this kid is going to be on the stand, hung over, in the heat.

She said "oh my husband and I did it when we were teens". Should also mention that Sunday night the kid was cited for lighting fireworks in the park bathroom at 2 am and almost caught the place on fire. I asked her if she saw a pattern of bad choices and said "not really". OK...

Oh well right "teens will be teens"?

Recently parents of minors

This ^^^.

It's one thing to to stop the kids from drinking for their own good, but in this case your ass was on the line also. Does your DH think it's worth risking what you have worked hard for so he could be the "cool dad" that let his kids drink? Imagine one of these kids leaving and getting into a wreck after the party. I promise you, you could be held partially responsible for contributing to their drinking.

The best way to handle it IMO would be to tell your DH you are leaving the party, and that you would also be calling the cops and telling them what's going down and that you wanted no part of it. Then the other adults and kids could make their own decision ... continue to drink and get busted, or shut everything down. That might seem extreme, but the situation was very risky for you and all adults involved.

Both your stepsons and DH owe you sincere apologies. I'm telling you if this were me, it would be grounds for separation. Your DH told you to "shut up" about something as serious as this. I'm sorry to say but you are in for a hard road if this is how he is going to handle these types of things.

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High School Graduation Party / Drinking