History being (RE) Written
So, apparently Munchkin SD14 thinks that her father being jealous and angry and verbally abusive is what made Toxic Troll seek the company of outside men, online and otherwise.
Folks this is simply not true! And I feel like I need to write out a chart and timeline so everyone can remember the details correctly!
Im sure everyone here can relate to this phenomnon. The RE writing of history.
Toxic Troll does this THING called image management. She has to have a good excuse as to why she broke up a 20-year relationship and a family with 2 young children. She has to justify it, somehow and my dearest Munchkin Sd14 is buying it. Hook line and sinker. But in the same breath she will exclaim "my mother is crazy! I cant believe anything she sais!"
I took Munchkin out for a day of "girl time". She needed a bra. she needed some stuff for a sleep over with her BFF. We went for sushi takeout.
During our adventures we stopped by a friends house who had sold me some excercise equipment. I had to mention that this friend and her mother were not on good terms so it would be best to keep this in mind (code for please do not share this...). I dont know if I wrote about this, but at one time Toxic Troll had a little cleaning busines. My friend hired her. Asked her to come by the spa that she owned for payment. TT did not, and instead went home and called yelling at my friend for non payment. According to my friend was being very accusatory, threatening even (gasp! quell supris!) that she was going to call CPS because a minor was left alone (this "minor" was 20) and she went online and accused my friend on her BUSINESS page, or non-payment and fraud. Its a small town. If you dont pay people you dont get stuff.
So, Munchkin related that she had definitely heard this story as well. Down to the threats. Her reply was that "she believes my freinds version because she cant believe her mothers version." I didnt ask for that. But then she starts in about DH, and how her mother told her how jealous he always was. I was spitting mad by then. How Dh would call Toxic Troll names and verbally abuse her because he was just jealous. Friends, I should not have to defend my husband, but I felt I had to. I did mention that her father was mad because by then she was off with other guys. And asked her "well did YOU ever hear your father EVER call your mother names?"
Her reply: "no but she told me he did".
And that dear steptalkers is why I encourage her to get therapy.
I had to tell DH about this confidence. He talked with her about the true history of things.It totally took away any and all desires for any more "girltime" with Munchkin. I think Ill just wait until shes around 20...
I refuse to be alone like
I refuse to be alone like that with my step kids because they've drank the koolaid. I will not be put into a position where I feel like I have to defend my bfs actions or my own. Their mother is incredibly toxic. She never takes responsibility for her actions and I will never sugar coat the things she does.
Toxic Troll
Obviously has been "working on" her memories of what actually happened. She was a few years old when things started going bad. So, Munchkin is going by her mothers stories of that time she cannot recall. Mentioning Dh's temper and jealousy was just the fire to my dynamite, I guess. I ended that conversation just stating that both her parents have their own versions of the truth of things and thats why its best not to get in the middle of it all.
I did point out that TT was the one who abused her father, not the other way around. She would scratch and hit and punch him. Called him names - the entire time Ive known him she would go on her rages.
SO, thats another reason to give Munchkin a wide berth for a while...
Sounds like the typical
Sounds like the typical mother child NPD relationship.
These miserable women who
These miserable women who have to rewrite history to make themselves feel better.
Meth Mouth told Spawn that DH and I were cheating together and that's why their marriage broke up. I asked Spawn how she could believe this when Meth Mouth was already married to her SF when I first met her and DH had dated other women that Spawn had met. Spawn would just get upset and say "well that's what my Meth Mom told me." That's when I realized even when these brain washed kids are presented with cold hard facts they can't deal and have to revert to whatever lie they were told to swallow.
Why would Munchkin
even WANT to believe that her beloved father would be an abuser...shes really devoted to him (in a nice way, not a creepy way)
Many of the progeny of failed
Many of the progeny of failed families struggle with reality and will only embrace it when they are dragged kicking and screaming by the short and curlies into the light of the facts. The lies and manipulations of the toxic blended family opposition has to be met with zero tolerance and the kids need to be "force fed" the truth and facts if they are unwilling to embrace the facts and the truth willingly. Full reviews of the CO, divorce papers, arrest records, call logs, V-mails, Emails, journals, calendar reviews of the toxic opposition parents infidelities, calendar alignment between the spouted toxic parent bullshit and and what actually happened. etc, etc, etc......
Lather....................................Rinse...................................Repeat.
This gives the kid the best opportunity to be able to protect themselves from the manipulation of the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool as they progress through their teens, and gives a manipulated PASd kid the best chance of keeping their toxic parent in the place the toxic parent earns as the kid navigates adulthood.
IMHO of course.
The day that I fully
The day that I fully emotionally detached from my SD, was the day she let it all out, that she believed the things that her mother had told her about DH, and about me. Even though she had often admitted that she knew her mother was a liar and had issues, she wanted to believe the lies about her dad. Which I found odd, considering how close she once was with DH. And, it did piss me off that she would believe that her dad did the things that BM was accusing him of. SD knew her dad better than that.
I have had little to do with her since and that was 14 years ago (she was 15). She has had ample proof since then that her mother is a liar, accuses people of things they didn't do, and is quite the whore, but still she is ever so loyal to her mother and DH just sucks as a dad. Whatever, they can have each other.
I don't want anything bad to happen to my SD but my give a f^ck is definitely broken when it comes to her. I don't worry about her, think about her, or go out of my way to help her or make her life easier. I am absolutely indifferent when it comes to her.
I didn't start out the way, I really care about her, once.
Same Heriam!
Same Heriam!
Sometimes I think it's a
Sometimes I think it's a coping mechanism in COD. Like they know deep down if you stack the facts up what they're saying doesn't make sense. But they have this ability to zoom in on the smallest bit of the picture and exclude everything on the periphery. DH left BM. So therefore DH is an a-hole that abandoned SD. DH tries his best to maintain a relationship with SD. Which means DH is invading her privacy because she wants to move on with her life and she feels unsafe around him. But SD and BM are also angry DH won't take her back "for the sake of the family"....hang on, what about feeling unsafe? It's like arguing with a vengeful goldfish on crack....
And then when they get older
And then when they get older it will be that DH owes them this, that and the other thing (usually money or something expensive) because he abandoned them and he needs to make it up to them. Adult SDs love to take their dads on that guilt trip when they want something they know they are no longer owed or entitled to.
Bingo! I could always tell
Bingo! I could always tell when SD had another guilt trip/moneygrab in the pipeline. How? The only time she ever picks up the phone. If BM stays in her hole until March 2021 it’ll mark the one year anniversary of zero communication since DH finally grew some balls and stopped the gravy train.
"Vengeful goldfish on crack."
"Vengeful goldfish on crack."
I love that.
This happened in my situation too
BM told the 3 SSs that DH had left them for me. So untrue. My DH addressed it with the kids.
Here's the blog I wrote back in the day.
https://www.steptalk.org/blog/theaccidentalsm/another-question-how-many-...
So sad that they try and destroy the other parent's relationship with their kids in the name of image management.
I think
I think its because they need someone not them to be the "bad guy". Someone to blame for the end of the relationship.
Battling the image management
Battling the image management/perception is reality crowd is always a challenge. In families, at work, etc......
Some of the most powerful counters to those folks that I have every heard, and that I use when necessary....
"That is not entirely accurate. (List the facts and show documentation and proof) Calling the person who is manipulating a liar works too, but the facts send that message loud and clear to all in earshot.
"Show me, don't tell me. If you can't or won't show me then you know full good and as well as I do that what you are saying is not true."
etc..........................
Not to be the bearer of bad
Not to be the bearer of bad news but Munchkin will unlikely be any better at 20. Adult Munchkin will change to sending long crazy texts to your DH with the accusations instead (I know when my SO's phone dings 10 times in a row it is toxic SD asking crazy questions like 'Crazy BM said you were verbally abusive and cruel, is that true?'. And Toxic SD doesn't even speak with BM anymore but it still happens. They get stuck in a blame cycle and can't turn it off. The blame game will also shift between your DH and Toxic Troll, depending on how adult Munchkin will want to manipulate a situation. I do hope she takes your advice to get therapy now, otherwise she will definitely get worse.
Also gets it from Feral Forger
Feral Forger will get on that crazy train as well. She has her own ax to grind with us because of the screaming that she used to do every morning before school.
So I get to do the Eggshell Dance, navigate those rocks, as well. Because right now Feral Forger SD21 is "her friend".
Yep, Feral Forger (PS your
Yep, Feral Forger (PS your nicknames crack me up) is Munchkin's example...unfortunately.
Thanks!
Feral Forger, before she was a forger of checks, would shoplift, even when she had money. So her nickname USED to be Winona. she even sort of looks a little like Winona Ryder from back in the day (if you squint a bit). Munchkin has always been Munchkin. Toxic Troll has always been Toxic Troll. Her ex boyfriend is Tweedle Dum. lol.
Flawed memories
My SD59 who, you all know is "challenging", was just relating one of her "memories" yesterday. Seems like back in the day, I was teaching her how to cook a pot roast and she badly burned her arm, so bad that DS had to rush her to a doctor's office where 3rd degree burns were treated. Huh? I know I have convenient amnesia but I dont recall this at all. Then, she told me about another emergency where she couldn't pee and I called my OB and DS rushed her over where she was cauterized. Huh? In her case its fantasy + maliciousness + drug-induced.brain fog.
You are the abuser in her mind
Well doesnt that just suck the hamhock...!
We do all these nice things and they accuse us with a made-up narrative. I just cant even!
Ugh yes, experience with that
Ugh yes, experience with that over here too! SD10 was a newborn when her Bios seperated. So obviously has none of her OWN recollection of how things went down. Basically, BM cheated on DH while he was deployed in Afghanistan. He filed for divorce when he came back and found that out.
Obviously DH hasn't told SD10 any of this because it's inappropriate to talk to a child about. Well apparently BM doesn't think so. One day SD was babbling on about her "favorite house" the one that DH and BM had together (even though she was just a newborn). SD then went on to say, "Well that's when my Dad used to beat my Mom, so that is why she moved out of my favorite house."
UM WTF. I immediately went and told DH. Apparently now SD thinks her Dad was an abuser?! I FELT like saying, "No, your BM is just a cheating wh0re. Maybe THAT'S why she moved out." *eyeroll* I'm sure there will come a time when DH feels more comfortable telling SD the truth, but I feel like it will be too late and SD will already be brainwashed by then?
Its not in any parenting handbooks that I know of
DH was always completely honest with his daughters about their mothers cheating and abuse. That just how he rolls.
My husbands exwife had an affair with an ex highschool sweethear
The last yr of marriage before they separated and married the week divorce was finalized.
bio mum was an abusive narc, skids knew this but sd's blamed daddy for bio mum turning into a crazy bitch because she had every right to when hubby divorced her or had the audacity to demand one since as a stay at home housewife, she refused to do any chores, raise the kids but happily went on shopping sprees and did the bare minimum (thats me being generous), this infuriated hubby.
bio mum even trashtalked me but lucky for me my sil's all say she won't dare trash talk me, i'm far superior to what she could only dream to be.