Fortunately DH and BM did not own a house here, it was a rental and I only lived in about a month before we bought our own house together. I can imagine how difficult it would be to live in HER old house and want to freshen it up and decorate it to YOUR liking.

BUT, we did have to have discussions about what pictures would be hung where, old photo albums and old family movies. That house we only lived in a year, but, the first couple months were rough as DH was more concerned about SD feeling "at home" than me or my two kids. I did put my foot down on a few things tho. He had this big collage, like 30+ pictures in one big frame of the house him and BM owned in another state. We had agreed it could hang in SD's room, I came home one day to find it hanging in the hall RIGHT OUTSIDE OUR BEDROOM! Ummm, let's just say it came DOWN the same day it went UP!!! Now we are in our second home together and the collage frame has been REFILLED with OUR family and friends, the old family house pics are in a photo album that is put away for him to give SD someday. The other old family photo albums are in the bookshelf, only bc there are no BM pics in them. The old family videos are also put away in a box for SD someday.

Now, FINALLY I feel we are living in OUR house, not him and SD's house of old family memories... I picked all the paint colors for all the common rooms and for our bedroom. We have agreed to allow the kids to paint ONE accent wall in their rooms any color they want. Now it is home to a blended family... but I will tell you it did NOT happen overnight and not without more than a few heated discussions!

Good luck!

It is what it is...

Hi there, I too moved into a house that my bf shared w his ex... same story all white walls everywhere.. looked like a mental asylum (quite fitting for her) anyways, I painted almost the whole house, and my SS did not have any say in any of it... lucky for me his room was the only painted room (done by his grandparents) My bf told me, this is your house now- paint it whatever colors you want.. and speaking of red- I painted the livingroom red.. lots of color in the hosue now- and it definitely FEELS different.. like it's MY HOUSE NOW!!! Just a sidenote, I asked my bf if he thought the ex would react to seeing the house repainted, redecorated etc.. and of course typical man, he said, Oh no.. i dont think so' HAHAHA When she came over and saw the house- she acted like such a bitch!! She completely flipped out!! It was hilarious!! But to make the point I was trying to make- painting the house your colors gives you a feeling of ownership.. and if you are expected to live there, you should have final say..tell you sd that since you are now the lady of the house, and you do the cooking, you get to decide whether you want the kitchen red, green, purple or polka dot!! She should feel good that she was even included at all.. just my opinion

It has been so longthat it is definitely unrecognizable to what BM knew but when we started the only rooms we gave either of the kids a say in were their rooms, the hallway to them, and their bathroom- the rest of the house all common rooms were our choice- and yes we heard about some of their opinions and I told them both that I appreciate and respect your ideas but i have given it thought and this is the decision I have made. Or give SD a stack of cookbooks and tell her to paint it any color she wants and don't forget the grocery list for what she plans to make for dinner every night she is at your house?

I think I'd let mine pick if it meant not having to cook!

There is no reaon where logic does not exist

I too live in the house that DH shared with his ex. I told DH that it didn't feel like I belonged anywhere in the house. I told him that it was his house and I just lived there. He didn't want me to feel that way so we started redecorating. All of the decisions belonged to myself and DH....no children's input. The only colors that they were allowed to choose were the colors of their bedrooms. We painted the shared bathroom, master bathroom, put wallpaper in the master bedrooom, family room and kitchen. We had new tile put in the shared bathroom and new carpet throughout the house. We also purchased new furniture for the family room. I know this sounds a little overboard but I should start by saying that the house was built in 1972 and was really dated. Bringing it into the 21st century with DH was alot of fun and now I feel like it's my castle too.
My answer would be that you should definitely have the final say on color in YOUR kitchen.
Happy decorating!!!

Good friends are like stars....you don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

LOL, hubby was living in barracks when we got married, and man alive, when it came to decorating our first home together, I was just happy when everything wasn't cinderblocks and olive drab! (Hey, honey, not everything has to be GREEN.) Anyway, we're getting ready to move again and the new house will be the same as all previous ones... he and I will decide, but my opinion carries more weight than his on decorating matters. And for the kids, step, bio or whatever, they can choose from several options that we provide them. We figure when they grow up and move out, they can decorate their homes however they'd like. But we decide a theme or a color family, then give them a few ideas to choose from. Example, if we decide we want to paint the kids' playroom blue, we might give them three or four acceptale blue color choices and let them pick the one they like best. Paint, to me, is a very long-term thing and I don't want to have to go re-painting their rooms in two years when they get sick of bubble gum pink and camouflage. I let them have free reign on curtains, comforter sets, things that can easily be replaced. But paint? Nope. That's the grown-ups' call.

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)

We are actually moving into the old "marital residence" this month and we (meaning he and I) are spending the week-end, tearing down wallpaper(yuk)and re-painting. His 2 girls have no idea we're moving in but they've both told us what color they want their rooms to be "if" we ever move from the rental we're currently in.....THAT being said, I'm giving a fresh coat of paint to the whole, entire house INCLUDING their rooms!!! My sister says I'm crazy....I feel a slight twinge of revenge.....

Buggies.....

I would move if I could. There is just something awful for me about living in the ex's house. Perhaps that makes it harder for the SS too. But, when it comes down to it, I'd say paint the kitchen any way you want. If she is preparing the meals alot maybe you find a compromise. But I'd say including her is nice, letting her choose the color for her own room is fair but this is your house now. Move in and make it your own. Also burn some thyme in your home. It will cleanse it so that the space is open to you and your family. Good luck.