I am only posting this as an observation.
Last night my DH's ex phoned because she needed to drop by and have DH sign some insurance forms for SD's braces. I prepared myself for the usual - but was optimistic that the meeting could happen with no fireworks. Oy.
BM comes in the door. DH starts asking her questions about the paperwork. BM is immediately defensive and instead of answering questions, she gets flustered and starts making alot of unrelated statements.
My DH gets confused on the paperwork and asks more questions. Again, she doesn't answer and instead goes on and on about how confusing it all is. DH doesn't listen to what she's saying and starts making assumptions and jumping to conclusions.
Basically, she thought he was accusing her of being sneaky with the insurance and/or money. He was confused and thought that she didn't understand that he was concerned the insurance company had made mistakes.
From my seat on the couch I had to interject twice into their conversation to tell each one of them what the other person was trying to say. Total failure to communicate!
After BM left I asked my husband how they ever managed to get married, let alone have children together! I can't imagine it. They can't even have one simple conversation without jumping to conclusions and making asssumptions. Silly!
I told him "you didn't listen to a word she said". He says "well she didn't answer my questions". I told him that he could have avoided it all if he had just repeated himself and tried to understand her point of view.
It was madness. My DH can communicate with me very well. Sometimes I can communicate with his EX (sometimes). They don't even try with each other - they just assume the other person is a total jerk. I feel bad for their kids when they have to watch their parents try to discuss anything.
And this wasn't even one of the "hard" issues that they have to discuss sometimes. (sigh) It's been 10 years since they split. I still cannot imagine how they managed to get along long enough to marry!