Actually, we don't just NOT live together, we actually live quite far from each other (about a 5-hr drive.) So he rarely brings his 3 kids to visit, but when he does... LOOK OUT. Actually, the last time he was here, I tried letting him be fully responsible for all their needs. But then what ended up happening? When he went to make their lunch, and I told him what I had to offer, there was a full 10 minutes of whining on their part: they didn't want PB&J... they didn't like the flavor of jelly I had... didn't I have any sandwich pepperoni???? To make matters WORSE, he kept asking me if I had this, that or the other thing-- actually trying to get me to concede to bow down to their royal highnesses. The way I see it is, I f'ing TOLD you what you're having for lunch, that's what you're having! You don't go to somebody elses house and act like a spoiled rotten ingrate like that!

And that's part of my problem: I am very protective and possessive of my home and my things. His kids are whiny, spoiled, unruly, and absolutely refuse to obey, listen to, or respect me. So I'm really INTERESTED in the disengaging theory. I DO want him to be responsible for disciplining them-- and trust me, he is FULLY AWARE of their laundry list of social and interpersonal failings. We have discussed them extensively! The problem is, if I refuse to do anything for them in my home, and tell them to ask their father, he would be catering to them and running around after them-- IN MY HOME, LOL. Using my food and other resources, as I either-- what-- stand by and hold my tongue knowing that I would never make three different lunches for three different kids like some kind of short-order chef? Or go hide in my own bedroom while they take over my shit?

What to do, what to do? The ultimate goal is to live ALL together-- in a different home, not this one. But I need a way to cope with this situation while we progress towards that point. BTW, I do also have three daughters of my own, just in case anybody questions whether or not I might be observing "normal kid" behavior that should be overlooked, LOL.