How do you define what someone "can afford"?
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Calypso's field trip thread got me thinking: how do you define what someone "can afford"? When you say "BM can afford that" or "DH cannot afford that," what factors into your decision? That they simply have the cash on-hand? That they could pay it without taking any money from other necessary (and/or "fun") costs of living? That if they work an extra day, they could pay for it? That if they sacrificed something (cigarettes, dinner out) they could pay for it? Etc. Would love to hear everyone's thoughts. 
I will use terms like BM can
I will use terms like BM can afford it because:
1. She doesn't have a job, yet spends money on getting her nails done, her hair professional dyed, cut or styled each month.
2. She spends $$$ each weekend going to the bars with friends - new clothes, makeup all done up. She does pub crawls at $25 a ticket.
3. She spends money on recreational league sports for herself which costs nearly 200 a year.
4. She has tablets for herself and the kids, smart phones for herself and the kids.
5. She has cable television with ALL the channels.
6. She recently bought a new vehicle.
Now, she can afford all those luxuries for herself and children yet she cannot "afford" to buy SS9 shoes, clothes or coats and that becomes our responsibility ON TOP of already paying child support????
And here I am working over 40 hours a week, driving a worn down vehicle, no cable, get my hair cut once a year by a friend for free, I NEVER get to go do girl's night because of the budget, all so we can afford to pay her child support. I say "we" because it comes out of my husband's check and what's left doesn't really always help the household budget. That's why I say BM can afford it.
Yet, she collects food stamps, has section 8 housing, gets social security on one set of her kids, child support on the other set of kids.
OMG, are your BM and mine
OMG, are your BM and mine twins?? BioMonster
1. Has a low-paying job, but gets weekly mani/pedis, hair professionally dyed and roots touched up regularly, cut/styled monthly.
2. Goes out drinking with Mr. Pinhead every weekend (he works part-time SOMEtimes)
3. Always has new outfits from expensive stores and buys expensive makeup.
4. She, Mr. Pinhead, her mother, and 4 of her 5 kids have iPhones. She took the oldest daughter off her plan (it's now with her fiance). Spawn7 has an iPhone, too.
5. Cable with ALL the channels.
6. Recently bought a new $40,000 vehicle and is now making 3 car payments.
She also collects food stamps and gets social security via Spawn7 whose father drank himself to death.
If BM (or whoever) can afford
If BM (or whoever) can afford their own extras, they can afford some extras for their kid if they want said kid to have them. That is part of parenting; sacrificing some of your wants for your child. Not to the point of spoiling but you know what I mean.
My SD23 pisses me off, always claiming poor. I mean, she is jobless but on welfare, yet she can afford cigarettes. Sorry but if your cigarettes are more important than clothes or whatever for your kid, I just don't feel bad for you.
in my case, i say BM can
in my case, i say BM can afford it because:
$18K per year tax free in child support (more than what someone working FT earning minimum wage would earn) This, coupled with her PT job gives her around $32K per year - again, not shabby considering she has no expenses.
no mortgage/rent payment
no utility payments
a late model/fully paid off vehicle
2 pack a day habit
nails done at least once per month
hair professionally cut/colored
peels off $20's for SD whenever she wants to go to the movies/mall/etc.
Took a $5K vacation this past summer
she and SD14 both have iphones, ipods, ipads and they are on a friend's cell plan for only $10 a month each
What is this so called left
What is this so called left over money after bills are paid? lol jk
I feel that as long as the bills are paid, there's a house full of food, my kids have clothes/shoes/etc. and i always leave extra what if money for urgent care co-pays and gas (you never know what could happen and God forbid I dont have the gas to get to their doctor or money for scripts)
I feel that then the left over money could be used however I like. (which is usually on the kids)
We are a single income family, so we try and stretch the almighty dollar!
Rainbow Bright83 Your comment
Rainbow Bright83
Your comment - What is this so called left over money after bills are paid? lol jk - EXACTLY! In our household there are no "extras" it is strictly bills, gas and food after that it's bills, gas and food again the next week. Extras equal overtime pay and are called birthday presents, Christmas presents and when applicable trips to fun things. I look all year long for good deals for their gifts and start Christmas shopping in March of each year because a gift here and gift there add up $$ wise that if I can afford to get it a 50-75% off during the year and hold it until Christmas or birthdays is how I can "afford" luxuries for the kids.
It really sucks living pay
It really sucks living pay check to pay check. I quit my job to be home with my son who was having behavior problems in school, so now he is home schooled. My DH works tons of overtime, without it we would drowned.
But whats funny is, BM is constantly taking beach trips. I'm talking at least once a month, where they stay in a hotel. But yet she claims she needs welfare and more child support. UGH!!!
Exactly! DH was injured for
Exactly!
DH was injured for most of this year - car accident and a job work thing. I've been only supporting income this year and BM tells SS to ask me for money and tells me what I can buy him that his mom tells him I can do for him because I work and she doesn't. Yet she gets more in social security and child support than I make all month, including overtime - then she proceeds to ask DH for extra money saying child support isn't enough to raise their child when she goes out and leaves them with random people. Pisses me off. Even MIL helps her out and yet I work full time and have two semi-part time jobs (I have a 2 year old so I have to work around finding sitters and when these places need help). Funny thing is, even without husband working we don't qualify for any help or assistance. If we could claim SS as a member of the household we could and that would lighten my burden, but we can't per the State so I'll just continue to bust my butt I guess.
When BM lived in an apartment
When BM lived in an apartment complex next door to us, she would send the hell spawns over to have DH go buy THEM groceries. Oh yes, you read that correctly. So not only were we paying a butt load in support and heath insurance costs, but because that whore blew through her food stamps, he then bought them groceries. I freaked of course, but DH was all "I wont let my kids starve" and blah blah blah. I would have told the dumb bitch to go get a food box or something. lol