If I were you, I wouldn't address it at all. I would be sure and let DH address it. With your coaching of course.

agree with the stepmasochist..lol... BM is just trying to get to you. delete delete delete...the more you ignore the shit out of her and act like she doesn't phase you it will eat away at her. or, if you must let the DH do it. Or if you REALLY MUST,,,"the tone of your bitchiness leads me to believe that you think you are still entitled to the luxury of insulting me and you are NOT MY WIFE anymore therefore...keep your bitchiness to yourself! " LOL

"To win one's joy through struggle is better than to yield to melancholy"- Andre Gide

I'd say ignore, too.

I know it's really hard to do that. She sounds exactly like our BM. But the thing is, she writes stuff like this to get a rise out of you guys. If you respond, you're only letting her win.

I used to want to respond to this stuff -- but it only made things worse. Of course it didn't STOP her if we responded in kind -- it just encouraged her. The only thing that has given us the upper hand is if we completely ignore any bs like this. I know you probably feel like if you don't respond then you're letting her "get away" with saying it. But she will be much more frustrated if you don't dignify it with an answer.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Your pregnancy is driving her crazy. Why? Because her son will not be the 'only' one anymore. BM will be cast aside and she wants to fight like others have said here to make her feel important and to be significant in your new family, regardless if its negative.
Been there with attack emails from bm to my dh. He would respond of course and attack her back and i told my dh, just ignore her. Your fueling her anger. CUt her off...completely.
Mommy21 is completely right about ignoring her. Its the best thing.
ANd this is also why i gave adviceina previous post...do not let her know the birth of your baby, when it is, or the hospital. Only tell people of the birth AFTER it has happened. She will come to visit. She sounds very desperate. i would also speak with the nursing staff on hand to have her prohibited from coming near you or the baby. I did thiswith one of my dh's friends. I realized the closer we got to the date of marriage, she was going crazy and flipped when she found out i was preggo...now this wasn't an exwife..but she sure acted like one! lol..
ANyways...forget this mongrels tactics, focus on your baby, focus on painting and getting the baby room together. Focus on your new family life that will blossom.

Good advice, and coach your DH to 1) not answer any invasive questions and 2) cut her off when she becomes abusive.
Her remark was typical, abusers always accuse others of what they do.

Cutting off can work wonders. It brought my 3 psycho SILs around...

Unless it is about schedule changes or medical/school information about the kids, I wouldn't respond, nor would I want my husband to respond to those types of emails.

Funny we had a similar e-mail after BM changed a schedule effective immediately just after we bought like $40 worth of steak for my parents goodbye dinner (they live 8 hours away and treat my SDs like their own grandchildren) My husband, upset that his children, myself and my parents were upset called her to say that the schedule change would simply not work, and he would pick her up on his way home from work. BM interprets anything said to her that does not parallel her own opinions, as yelling. So... he apologized that there was confusion(he shouldn't have... she caused it) and wrote a heartfelt email detailing what should have happened. Her response "I don't want I'm sorry for the confusion, I want I'm sorry for yelling. You have no right to treat me with such abuse" You would have to know DH, to know he's not capable of yelling. I basically forbid him from apologizing too... 1. no more apologizing for things you haven't done. 2. She's the EX . She loved him so little in marriage that divorce changed nothing... and she feels he still needs to grovel over her pettiness.... that day is OVER. I explained to him the beauty of divorce was now he only worries about his children's needs.

I can say one of the best tactics I've learned is to delay responses. The waiting period will drive her insane, and after a week or so you may chose to never respond.

Hate email is crazy.  My SD57 wrote me a two page hate email, 4 years ago.  I DID NOT RESPOND.  The reason for the email, she had a major melt down, because for years I ignored her jealous, snarky remarks and never acknowledged her dislike for me.  

I printed the email out, handed it to DH.  The reason I did this, was because she always denied her feelings in the past; now her hatred was in writing.  My SD57 definitely showed her true colors.  I then took the email to an Attorney and explained that if SD wrote any further garbage, I would obtain a restraining order, slapped on her immediately.  I informed my DH of my intensions and the fact that I visited my Attorney.  It stopped immediately.  I also blocked SD57 from ALL my social media, including my phone number or email address.  She is history; thus I ignored it all and have never given her the pleasure of the fight.  I'm enjoying taking control of my disengagement from this evil SD.

My advice: Let it go, move forward, and totally disengage from Ex.  It's not your problem and don't make it a problem.  If you respond, it will never end.  

DH and I have been the target of vile abuse from BM, SD and a couple that are friends with BM. FB abuse, email abuse, threats, everything. BM is a narcissist (imo) and ANY form of attention if good supply to her. She now has found a similar minded husband so we then got abuse from him too. It's all a form of bullying to get what they want.

In my experience it is of no use to try to defend yourself or set things straight by engaging them. They love it. What you will get back is another load of lies, accusations and abuse and the cycle goes on until you have a breakdown or something. That is their intention.

Do not answer them or engage with them in any way. No phone calls (your DH or You) no texts, leave it only to emails so that she cannot say she has no way to contact you. Do not replay to ANY emails unless there is a real need i.e. something needs to be arranged etc or an emergency.  They want you to reply and show you are upset by their stupid bitchiness, then they know they got to you. Just keep ignoring - believe me it's the only way.

As for the mil, she should not be asking you to get involved. If she wants something from BM then she needs to go get it herself. If she asks you again just say something like 'I have nothing to do with BM and neither does DH'.

Attorneys are expensive, if you have money to burn then by all means use them if necessary but if you don't then don't let her suck you into going to one to stop her rubbish. They want you to be out of pocket. None of it will stop them anyway.

Good luck and just rise above it. It's frustrating I know, we want to set the record straight and we have a 'how dare she!' thing going on but really... she won't stop and like they say 'I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.'

* also want to say that if you do reply, whatever you say will be used against you. If you ignore her she has no weapon against you. She cannot accuse your DH of being emotionally abusive if he has not answered her. There is simply no evidence, but YOU will have evidence when she at first gets angry at getting no reply. She will threaten lawyers etc, that's what they do. Our did and it caused stress but of course the lawyer's letter did not arrive because BM was living in fantasy world again. I hope it cost her money to go to a lawyer and find out we were right.

Ignore... ignore.. ignore.  He should keep his side of correspondence brief and to the point on issues pertaining to his child.  Discussions of you are not necessary and will not be engaged in.  (he simply will refuse to respond if she brings things up unless they involve his child).

You don't need to read the transcripts of their discussions.  He only needs to inform you of pertinent details regarding your involvement when it comes to his child.

I think that sometimes they like to "share the misery"... don't fall for it.  He was the one that made a kid with her.. not you, you don't have to deal directly with her.

i agree with everyone here - ignore her. It’s tough I know, but this will just continue and maybe even snowball and stress you and baby even more. Take some deep breaths, go for a nice long walk if you can and ignore. Your baby and the details surrounding his/her birth are NONE OF HER BUSINESS, so any requests for information must be ignored. She has no right to your life. Your DH should only deal in logistics/scheduling for skid. My BM was shocked that I dared to have a baby since ss9 was supposed to be the only prince. She also tried to get info about BS but I told DH to shut down the nosiness and hr did by ignoring anything that didn’t directly deal with skid. It gets better. Bm doesn’t bother us nearly as much anymore. Good luck and best wishes for baby!

I absolutely agree, ignore her. No one will ever convince her that she is the abuser, or the problem, and she's clearly saying things to be hurtful. Don't let her know it bothered you. Work through your pain with your man, and let her wallow in her misery alone. 

Dupe

I suggest the following.

e.g: "Thank God I found clarity on your shortcomings as a wife and mother and took the steps needed to protect myself and our kids from your toxic delusions.  No, you are not my wife any longer. I only wish I had not saddled my eldest children with your toxic genetic contribution to their existence.  Though you may feel that it was I who was emotionally abusive the facts are that you are the one to wear that crown. So, keep your opinions to yourself and do not force me to make you face a Judge in court to protect our kids from your toxic delusions. From now on you will communicate with me only on issues regarding our children.  If you refuse, be prepared to explain  yourself to a Judge."

Or better yet: "Your comments are not related to our children so stop that immediately. If you persist in this behavior I will put you in front of a Judge and you can discuss it in court."

Though I prefer the first option.

Nothing speaks louder than silence!

She wants you to engage. Don't do it or you'll just get more of the same.