Husband fights with me to bond with his daughter

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After 11 years, I just realized this. As SD gets older, it is more prevalent. Husband begins to fight with me in front of SD, makes reference to "my daughter" if he doesn't like my opinion, decision, etc. Once I am angry, SD comes to him snuggling, hoping to find more attention from Dad. Dad welcomes comfort since wife is pissed off. They bond, I excuse myself. The punch line: Husband and I have been together 11 of SD's 12 years. We were not able to have children of our own (I'm thinking maybe "thank God"). I earn most of the $$ in our family and provide Husband with freedom of schedule to be available to be with SD since his ex was classic psycho ex-wife.

So after all these years... this is what its coming too? I changed her diapers, split driving to and from, earned an education, helped move us to a bigger house so he could compete with his ex (didnt' know that then)... to be treated like SHIT.. the outcast of our home.

Recently I lost my job! OMG... all I heard from my SD... when is [me] going to get a job.. so we can do this or that. because we had to hunker down just to pay the bills... and we didn't even do that.

Sincerely Pissed off and wondering about my next 40 years...

Please post any advice you have.

More Information: Husband

More Information: Husband quit his regular job 6 years ago to have home business so he had a flex schedule since ex was psycho. But.. now.. he still asks that I rearrange my 60 hour a week full time job to split the driving back and forth. He actually becomes angry if I can't.

Ohhh...this is really tough!

Ohhh...this is really tough! What you are doing, essentially, is creating it for them, right? Your husband is on a good thing here!! I found myself in a similar situation, evil step mom v kind and good daddy, I created my own boundaries, like 'do not talk to me that way' and 'i'm sorry, did you do what I asked of you? NO? then you may not have X,Yor Z' and let him deal with his kids. Daughter is now afoul of the juvenile justice system and all sorts of evaluations and counseling going on. Upshot is now daddy has to listen to the counselor telling him what I told him years ago he should do. I'll keep it quietly to myself here and encourage him to take measures that they (counselors)advise.
SKids will learn some hard lessons pretty soon!! I give them a choice, listen to me or learn the hard way!!
Am i right in thinking you feel intimidated? DH suffers 'guilty parenting' and still tries the old raising of the voice thing to shut me up...nice try!! I just lower my voice still further and tell him 'I am not dignifying this crap' and walk off to do something else. It's not easy, believe me!!
The only real issues I have with DH is his lack disciplining /rewards /consequences with the kids when they do something wrong.
Consider what's really important to you, for YOU, and if the marraige is good otherwise then keep working on it. Learn to spot the 'fight picking moments' and then you can use strategies to avoid them. He'll pretty soon get the picture!! I would like to be around to see their expressions when they figure out that you are not their puppet... take a picture!! good luck!!

Leave. Period. I am sorry

Leave. Period. I am sorry to be so harsh. If you have the means to leave, leave. You never want to be in a position of not having the means to leave and be stuck like some of us...

Bs drop his ass like tummy

Bs drop his ass like tummy cramp hot chocolate. I thought mines was bad with his daughters bs. When I ease back and allow her to show her colours fireworks errupt because she has no manners and is trying too create a wedge between us. He now see's it but does not know how to deal with it.

Before you go give him a chance on a time limit.

If your leaving you have nothing to lose. Tell him how you feel with examples. Allow the next four visits first. Build up your examples without telling him. Then after four visits hit him with them. Be calm don't argue ask for his views and then wait another two visits and see what happens. Then you decide.

Drop me a line and let me know. Good luck

Wow -- I just checked back to

Wow -- I just checked back to this message board. Thanks for all your responses. Everyone has described and validated exactly what is going on. I still don't know what to do. I feel guilty for thinking of up and leaving. I have helped raise SD and have carried most of the finances. So we lose the house, SD loses home and I'm not sure what DH will do to take care of her. Of course when I fight back, he pretty much verbally abuses me and tells me he doesn't need me. Now that I have really taken a look at what is going on, I am angry all the time. So all we have been doing is fighting. What I put up with yesterday isn't flying with me. So really, unless something drastically changes, I believe I will move onto my next chapter. So sad today.