Husbands ex-wife is a *****....HELP LADIES !!!
My Husband has been divorced for 12 years from his ex, the ex-wife cleaned my husband out financially and ran off with the rich one she was having an affair with (it took him a long time to recover in every sence) for the 9 years she was with her rich man she treated my husbsand like crap, he had to fight and beg with her for his week-end legal visitation rights...the child they had together was only one year old when she left him.
Fast forward to present day ex-wife is now single (has been for two years)and owns a high-end clothing store, so she has done very well for herself (ahem) In the two years she has been single she has turned tables on my husband and depends on him more and more for "childcare" favors and also my husbands elderly parents, my husbsand pays child support and between us and the grandparents she sees her daughter one or two days a week...the ex-wife always "dumps" the daughter on our family...WHY you ask, becouse she vacations once or twice a month...dates a dentist who lives 5 hours away...travels to the big city all the time for buying trips for the store, shes working at the store till late so cant pick her daughter up after school etc....I know its not the daughter fault but I am growing more and more resentful towards his exwife everyday....and sometimes the daughter (she is very spoiled hate to say it)
We have been married for only a few months and we havent had the time or finances to take a honeymoon yet because of his ex-wife and HER demands. It is causing a riff in our new marriage as I complain about this family being taken advantage of...and yes I have a job, and yes I pull childcare duties also...but my life and my husbands life is unimpotant it seems...We talked about having a baby together and the step-daughter had a crying fit! she doesnt want a sibling ( she is 11 )
My husband has been loving this time with his daughter the last two years as he was deprived before so he is not liking my attitude...but come on!!! We pay child support and have her 90% of the time?!!!! some days I want to leave...I feel overwhelmed.... what should I do?
Thank you ladies for the
Thank you ladies for the insight I am so glad to talk to someone , I should have stressed that between my husband, myself and the grandparents "this family" has her 90% of the time. My husband has talked to ex-wife and said if you are not capable of having her due to your lifestyle then we can take her full time...she said no. My husband said then child support needs to be reduced or cut all together and again she said no...she knows we are not in a position for legal fees, she knows the grandparents always say "yes" to watching said child (they spoil her alot)...My husband is somewhat reluctant to go to court as he wants to keep the "peace" with ex and daughter so its more then just a finacial issue to him.
My step-daughter has the best of three worlds, she is the only child, has three homes, she's loved and adored wherever she goes and treated like a celebrity wherever shes at and she knows it...I am putting my foot down with her and the celebrity attitude, she wants wants wants, buy me buy me buy me...we say no, so she gets mad goes to grandparents and gets her way...I feel bad for my husband.
As we speak the ex-wife just picked up daughter at grandparents (grandparents live in house accross the street) they just had her for 5 days and we can estimate a call from her in a day or two to watch daughter for 5-6 days also...my lifestyle is this: work, step-daughter, work, step-daughter.
My husband goes above and beyond his week-end parenting and grandparents cover the rest, so after months of bitching about this to the family "STOP ENABLING THE EX-WIFE" it seems my complaints fall on deaf ears, I feel like this family is at the beck and call of the ex-wife, she knows it and takes full advantage...I feel like I'm in the middle of a loosing battle...anymore advice would be welcomed
RE: child support...this is a
RE: child support...this is a Combined family effort bewteen us and the grandparents accross the street (either way this "family" has the child 5-6 days a week) so you think it matters to a judge if this is a combined family effort with grandparents or are they strictly going to look at our time and only our time with her? my husband and I had a very long talk about all this last night and he did bring that up.
RE: Husband discussing "adult issues" with 11 year old...ohhh ladies I couldnt agree more I have told my husband this several times. Being the new married couple we have alot of adjusting to do we never lived together prior to being married and didnt have a long courtship, so that in it self has been a challenge...getting my late 30's husbsand to break old parenting habits is a huge endeavor.
question: Grandparents, how do we handle them? they spoil child, enable ex-wife by providing childcare all the time , my husbsand has asked then to stop it and they refuse.
OH GOD I FEEL YOUR PAIN!! SO
OH GOD I FEEL YOUR PAIN!! SO GLAD NOT TO BE ALONE...HE NEEDS TO HAVE A SERIOUS SIT DOWN WITH THE GRANDPARENTS. HE NEEDS TO LET THEM KNOW THAT THEY ARE ENCOURAGING BAD BEAHVIOUR BY DOING WHAT THEY ARE DOING. YOUR DH NEEDS TO GROW A SET AS WELL. I HAVE JUST HAD THIS CONVERSTAION WITH MINE....HE TOO GIVES BM ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING SHE ASKS FOR....SHE WANTS TO PARTY ALL THE TIME MINUS KIDS SO WE BREAK PLANS THAT WE HAVE WITH FRIENDS, FAMILY ETC TO TAKE THEM WHEN SHE SO WANTS....I HATE IT. HELLO..WHAT ABOUT US. I GET IT. I FEEL FOR YOU. I ASK MYSELF EVERYDAY..IS IT REALLY WORTH IT. YOU KNOW IT IS. YOU LOVE HIM AND YOU JUST MARRIED HIM. YOU JUST KEEP TRUCKING.....HE NEEDS TO STAND UP TO HER AND IF THE COURTS DO NEED TO GET INVOLVED THEN DO IT...SHE HAS HER OWN MONEY AND WHY IS HE PAYING FOR A CHILD HE HAS 90 PERCENT OF TIME....THATS RIDICULOUS!! I SAY SIT WITH HIM AND SHOW HIM THE ANSWERS ON HERE TO YOUR QUESTIONS!!!!
Hi Lynn79...thanks for your
Hi Lynn79...thanks for your comment, husband has tried to talk to his parents several times about this issue with no results, and child support: we would love to see it reduced or cut all together but is the court going to look at our time and only our time with her or ALL the time the "whole family" has her in care? because between the whole family watching child ex-wife has child 1-2 days a week and still recieves child support from us...she has more money then we do and takes vacations everymonth, long "business trips" and her dating and / social life.
both husband and I work and we take her 2-3 days a week per court agreement. She always asks us to take her longer and most times we have to say no becouse we both work...then she (ex) picks up phone calls the grandparents accross the street to take child and they gradly say YES (average 2-3 days a well also)
so my beef is: between the "whole" family helping, ex-wife has child 1-2 days a week and still recieves support, we have tried to talk to ex about this arragment and to have payments reduced or cut all together and she sais no...so, do we have a leg to stand on in court?
Dear, I live in hope. Thank
Dear, I live in hope.
Thank you so much for the advice,I will talk to husband about this. We have a simular issue, hubby spent years fighting to see his daughter while ex-wife was in her 8-9 year relationship with wealthy boyfriend...now that she has been single for the last 2 years she cant "dump" child off fast enough on everyone in this family (5-6 days/nights a week)the sad thing is we want the grandparents to stop enabling the ex-wife...we have put our foot down, we have said no...but then ex-wife calls grandparents and they say yes...we are trying to get the grandparents on the same page and have a united front but we are not getting alot of support from them.
Grandparents said to us: the $$$$.00 dollars a month is worth the peace and harmony and they get to see grandchild when they want.
I only read the first few
I only read the first few posts and I already know what my advice is....
Just stop paying the support.....See how fast she runs back to court and let her do all the leg work to get into court! Then you can get your say of how much you really have the child and how she is always off jet setting...keep a journal of EVERYTHING!! And the only way anything is going to get resolved is for the DH and the grandparents to grow some balls and stand up to this selfish c*nt!!