I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news but the resentment you are feeling doesn't go away in my experience, it only intensifies and gets worse.

Those kiddies are very young at 3 and 5. I met my stepkids at 10 and 12 and they are now 17 and 19... I couldn't have done more time than that being absolutely honest with you.

You have a long, long way to go until they reach adulthood. Think about this very, very carefully before you commit to marriage with this man and have a child of your own with him.

They're his children so he should be responsible for their laundry, meals etc. Maybe make sure you're not so readily available when they're there so that he has to step up to the mark and look after them. You need to lay some ground rules and boundaries now because if not, it will only get worse.

I agree with lorlors though - you have a long way to go before they become adults so you need to be sure that this life is really what you want.

STOP doing the work.

Either he will step up and be a parent to his kids or he will get mad at you. If he gets mad, leave the relationship. 

Be prepared to hear things like: you hate my kids, we are supposed to be a team, if you love me you should love them also and want to care for them.

It sounds like he wants a new mom and thinks all the messy parts of parenting are "women's work". 

Not someone to love. You need to have a talk ,  The Talk with your SO.  Telling him he better step up and start doing his job of being the parent.  As in cooking cleaning ect.  If this bothers you now, it’s not going to get any better as time goes on.  

You are not happy now, so either he steps up or yoinhsvevto step out 

Not someone to love. You need to have a talk ,  The Talk with your SO.  Telling him he better step up and start doing his job of being the parent.  As in cooking cleaning ect.  If this bothers you now, it’s not going to get any better as time goes on.  

You are not happy now, so either he steps up or yoinhsvevto step out 

Well, there are two issues - one is parenting and one is chores.

The parenting is 100% his responsibility - period. You might help as you are willing, but he needs to ask for your help, and appreciate that you are doing something you don't have to do.

The second is chores - like a lot of men, my DH is not great with the housework. I do 100% of laundry, cleaning, dishes, etc. He's not a neat person and he doesn't care about mess. I'm not super neat, but too much clutter overwhelms me in certain areas of the house.  So I decided that I'd prefer to just clean everything myself than nag and bug him to do it. That works for me, because really - he does 99% of the outside work, snow blowing, mowing, and does any renovation of the house and fixing things.  So even though I work more every weekend, he takes on big jobs that benefit us (currently painting the house exterior).

Basically, you two have to come to an understanding before you get married, and I'd divide things in that manner - kids are his responsibility, period.  Household chores, etc need to be discussed.  Of course he'd rather you do everything as you have been, but don't when it comes to his kids. Suggest that if he doesn't want to parent them, then perhaps he can reduce his visitation time.

You will find out then if it's YOU he wants, or a woman to do his parenting work for him.

I was in this position. I have my own daughters and my dh has his 2. They’re teens and I wanted to help him by doing everything I could for him especially because they do not have a bio mom. But after running myself ragged between caring for 5 kids I realized number 1 he is who they mainly need just as I am who my 3 mainly need. Number 2 he was caring for them before I married him. I finally talked to him and told him I love helping but I feel like I’m drowning having to do all of their school stuff dr appts etc. he is amazing and totally understood and we now plan important appts around his work schedule. I still cook clean make everyone’s school lunches and drop them off at school in the morning because that’s what I WANT to do for them and for in. Anything beyond what I offer he steps in for. Sometimes they’re not taking advantage of us sometimes they just don’t realize. Have a nice talk. You May be surprised and happy 

You are asking the wrong question. Instead of asking, "How do I get rid of this resentment," you should be asking why you think you should be doing all the household and parenting chores? Your resentment is perfectly normal. You both work, household chores should be shared more or less equally - in whatever way works for both of you.

The kids belong to your SO. The vast majority of their care should fall to him. If you want to help out, that is fine, but it shouldn't be expected. Just because you get married, does not mean that you must then care for his children.

My fiancé expects me to pitch in on ever level to take care of his kids (5&7). My life isn’t mine anymore. I feel sad, confused, anxious and resentful at times. Feel free to send me a msg if you want to be in contact with someone navigating a similar situation.