I can’t stand my SD.... am I awful?
Ok so not really sure where to even start with all this....
Been with my OH for 3 years, he has a little girl who has just turned 4. I have two DD’s age 13 and 9.
I’m very strict with my two and they are genuinely cracking girls, very polite, thoughtful and kind. Sure they have their moments (no kids are oerfect) but people are always complimenting me on them and how well behaved they are.
..... where to start with SD..... I get so tense when I know I have to see her, she’s bratty, whiney and annoying. We have her EOW and it’s just too much. I end up planning things I know she can’t go to just to get me and my 2xDD’s away. She bites, pulls them, snatches things and is extremely bossy (she’s an only child on her BM’s side) I don’t want my girls around that behaviour. His family seem to think the sun shines out of her backside. There is never any discipline and they let her get away with murder. Every annoying thing she does they just laugh like it’s hilarious (it isnt). Even her name annoys me. It’s like they all think his life should stop and the entire world needs to revolve around her. We went on holiday but didn’t take SD because a) she’s a brat and would ruin it b) BM wouldn’t have let us anyway. So his family thought we shouldn’t have gone? Sorry but why should our lives stop? Are we not allowed to enjoy ourselves without the little brat?
I hope it’s because she’s young, I’m not losing my relationship over this!
Sometimes she is very sweet and loving but I can only stand to be around her for a few hours at a time. The weekend is just too much!
Any helpful advice? Thanks for the rant x
Why don't you resent your
Why don't you resent your partner for being a lousy parent? 4-year-olds don't spoil themselves.
Correct
We’ve absolutely had huge arguments about it all. He is much better now than when we first got together so I’ve seen an improvement his end, I think the bigger issue is his family constantly undermining him. I try and stay out of it as it’s not my business or my problem. They are incredibly overbearing, he needs to stand up to them more but when he does they accuse him of being aggressive (he’s incredibly chilled out) and apparently he’s not allowed to shout at her. I feel like tearing my hair out
So - it's his job to stand up
So - it's his job to stand up to his family and assert his right to parent as he sees fit. And to allow them limited time in his and his daughter's life if they won't respect that.
None of this will get better if he can't set any boundaries.
I’m not from a strong family
I’m not from a strong family unit so I’m not entirely sure how that works.... from the conversations we’ve had about it he’s concerned that they’ll all turn on him. They’re all quite close I believe, but I’m positive his sister is the golden child and he’s trying desperately to hold on to his family unit for fear of being cut out.
As I said previously he’s really taken feedback on board and has made a conscious effort to discipline and correct her poor behaviour. Guess it’s just something that we’ll have to deal with..... fun times
Ugggh. An annoying Step
Ugggh. An annoying Step toddler will grow up to be an annoying adult. I firmly believe in what is said about we are who we are by the time we are 5 1/2. I’m not kidding when I say, I have younger cousins and when I was in my 20’s, I remember strongly disliking some of them at 5 because they were so obnoxious little liars or drama queens. And then there were a few who were sweethearts. 20 years later, they are all the same.
Your husband needs to forget about pissing off his family. His life, his kid, his family.
That's bullshit! When my
That's bullshit! When my youngest was 3/4/5 she would have driven you all up the rafters! She had tantrums like no child I had ever seen...She was evaluated and Dx'ed with PDD. The behavior was due to frustration. She had a neuropsych and was placed in head start with special services. By the time she was 6 the behavior was just about gone. She is 17 now and going into her Sr year of high school. Academically She is in the top 1% nationally and volunteers with ASD children. Heading to Yale in 2020. Don't EVER write off a young child because of bad behacvior. Even spoiled chidren can and do change.
sorry...end rant.
Not with the treatment this
Not with the treatment this one gets from her father and his family.
Sure they can and do change.
Sure they can and do change. But it's very much the exception, not the rule. Sad facts, but facts all the same. Sorry not sorry.
There's always an exception
I hear you and I'm so glad that after being diagnosed and had a clear path of treatment that your child was able to change the behavior, however that is not always or normally the case.
We've taken my SS9 to doctors and therapists since age 4 and told everything seems normal which means he's just a little shit. It's been 5 years now and there's been zero improvement. He's only gotten worse actually and His father agrees so it's not just the evil stepmom point of view.
All I'm saying is that MOST kids develop their personalities by age 5ish and you can try all you want to change it but it won't help. We haven't stopped trying to correct and direct but it isn't helping... The exceptions are far and few between.
Having went to a small school
Having went to a small school with the same kids from preschool through to 18 - I'd say this is usually true. Theres a couple people that surprised me a little but for the most part actual personalities didnt change much. People matured yes, but still mostly the same personality characteristics.
My mother always says that
My mother always says that all 4 of us kids are exactly like we were as babies, and all she did was teach us not to bite people's ankles. lol.
Yep. My oldest hasn't changed
Yep. My oldest hasn't changed much since he was a baby/toddler personality wise. The other 2 are too young to be able to say if anything has changed yet but they all definitely had different personalities that they were born with.
Hello!
Ok so its not his family job to raise his daughter its yours and her parents... There is NO way im letting any kid come into my house and act out... At mommys house things are different and thats ok. but when you are over here you will not hit you will not bite... Your attitude to bow out instead of step up has allowed her behavior to continue and often as step parents we feel as if we don't have a say when we do... especially when law says i have to take care of your debts through my taxes if he don't decide to pay (yes men on child support who get married... its the wifes taxes they will take... I have seen it happen). I dont' give a da** on how the family feels.... they can think he is aggressive all they want.. tough Sh** They don't have to live with her and they do not control my house... let them be mad... at they house! If they don't like it they don't have to be around... Spanking is never allowed but you need to talk to your husband on what happens when his daughter shows signs of acting out and if He dont' get in line then Leave... (harder said then done but do it) DO NOT STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE SOMEONE REFUSES TO WORK WITH YOU... I don't care how much you love someone... you owe it to yourself and your daughters to be happy and to live a life acroding and love takes sacrifice and there isn't no love in the world that will have me battling it out with a whole kid... Your grown demand your respect as a grown up and stop ignoring the fact that your husband is being punked and manipulated by his daughter and your family
Well...Hopefully the child
Well...Hopefully the child will learn some manners from Teachers/Schoolmates...My neice was bit of a wanker and she learned very quickly that behavior wouldn't fly at school.
Back to the news and the carnage that this country has been reduced to. Remember: Make America Great Again....Dump trump!
Sadly this site doesn't have
Sadly this site doesn't have a "love" button...
i understand what you mean
i understand what you mean when you say DH's family act as if the sun and moon sets and rises on SD. My mother in law wants to act as if SS is the highest priority, he is a king whose wish should be our command. Its all about what SS wants or doesn't. it makes me sick to see adults worshipping a child. I will never allow SS's wants that he can surely do without to come before the needs of our marriage! SS can not be allowed to make our marriage miserable, he is not a royal prince!
Your H is in a dysfunctional
Your H is in a dysfunctional family dynamic where he has no voice and gets told what to do. He clearly has not created boundaries with them, hence why they continue to do what they do. He's been raised his entire life like this so in doing this it will be difficult. Until he tells his family what his boundaries are and sticks to them he will never be free of them constantly undermining him at every turn.
Also, this four year old has never nbeen disciplined so be prepared of the f@ckery that's ahead the older she gets. Between your H not standing up for himself, not creating boundaries and disciplining his child you are in for a world of chaos and stress.
You are not awful. Just keep
You are not awful. Just keep planning things while she's away.
How could anyone stand a child like her? Sure your DH can parent better. She can go to her room/time out or what ever form of discipline, but she's only there eowe.
It's possible to be spoiled and not be a spoiled brat.... she's a brat plain and simple... whether its the family members, maybe it's BM, maybe dh just needs to be more consistent.... either way you're not aweful for disliking a beast of a child.
"Of course I don't hate your
"Of course I don't hate your daughter. In fact, I lover her. However, I do not like her behavior, I will not tolerate it and I will correct it. Even if no one else will."
Learn this and play it regularly for DH and the rest of his family. Put the onus on her behavior rather than on your feelings and you may just survive this with an intact and potentially long term marriage.
Wow, I wish BM would not
Wow, I wish BM would not allow us to take SD on vacation either lol I can relate to this...the name thing made me LOL...bc my SD's name annoys me too...it screams high maintenance and she's living up to it
Hahaha me too. I cringed
Hahaha me too. I cringed really hard when I first met DH and he told me SDs name. It's a strange uncommon name tied to a famous murder victim so I remember thinking why the h*ll would you name your kid that? On top of it I hate how it sounds and it's one of those names you have to over pronunciate to say correctly so it sounds really prissy to me.
Nope you are not awful
My SD17 is a horrendous d1ckhead. Always has been, always will be. Her name sickens me too. Bleurgh. I tried and tried and tried with that girl but it was like pushing sh1t uphill.
Stop caring so much.