I can't do this anymore.
I wrote in a forum earlier today about my issues with my SS. I come home from work today after working a 10 hour shift (I'm 7 months pregnant) and my husband knows that when I get home from work I do not want to talk to anyone until I've had some time to myself. No talking, no music, just quiet. My eldest SS is wonderful. He will simply say hi and he leaves me alone. My younger SS who is 13 gets right in my face demanding my attention. He asks me what I did at work, what are we having for dinner, do I like his haircut, do I want to see his picture, do I want to see a video he found, do I want to hear him play music. My husband tells him to back off, reminds him how I am, and tells him to give me some time to unwind. SS2 asks "Why? I just want to talk to her". His brother pipes in and says "She has to smile and talk to people all day long. She just needs some time to unwind. Leave her alone already." I thank my SS and as I walk away and leave it for my husband to deal with SS2 has a frickin hissy fit and what can only described as a tantrum and tells his dad that I'm a mean person and that I'm the reason he wants to kill himself. And he starts to cry!!! What the effing ef do I do with that?!?!?
I'm so done with this over dramatic, attention seeking little $!*T. I took a deep breath and walked away. I can't stress out because of this baby. I don't want to even come home. I don't want to be anywhere around this. I literally can not stand to hear SS2s voice. I hear his name and I want to rip my own ears off. I count down the hours to when he goes back to his mother's house. I will reschedule my work so I'm not home when he's here. He has been babied all his life by his mother and I just can't deal with it. He's literally 13 going on 5.
Back story...lately SS2 has been telling his parents he's going to kill himself because he can't stand it when people don't like him. And because his mother isn't a part of the new babys life. My husband and his ex have been separated for 8 years and we've been together for almost 4 years.
I hate that I put my husband through this and I hate that we fight about it. He's always been the disciplinarian with his kids but he finds himself being much easier on his youngest because of his sons suicidal thoughts. And with all this suicide and mental awareness going on, he doesn't want to take any chances.
What do I do? I'm effing crying as I type this and at the same time I want to scream! I have 4 kids from my previous marriage. They are all older. 3 are young adults and the youngest is 16. I've never dealt with this kind of behaviour before.
I want to go away! I don't want to be here right now! I can hear SS2 laughing and talking to his dad and brother and I'm in my effing room doing this! I'm not comfortable in my own home when he's here.
Any advice please.
You have GOT to put your baby
You have GOT to put your baby first. Perhaps your husband can take the kids to go do something? Or send them to summer camp? It might do the younger one good to do some more socializing and be around more kids he can connect with. Better yet, maybe your husband can schedule counseling sessions during the times you come home from work so you have time to unwind.
Your SS2 is old enough to entertain himself independently. His attention seeking behavior is a priority, but right now you and your unborn baby are also very important. Your husband needs to separate you from the added stress. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I know. We had a babymoon
I know. We had a babymoon planned but had to cancel it because SS2 got upset that he wasn't going. My husband is now planning a boys weekend which I think is great but I'm hurt that we won't have our babymoon.
He is scared that SS2 will hurt himself if we go away. I don't blame him.
I was thinking I should plan my own little getaway. A little alone time just for me.
Thank you for the advice.
That’s so frustrating.
That’s so frustrating. Assuming that this child isn’t actually going to hurt himself, just talking about it, it should not be rewarded with extra attention and special privileges. Maybe some tough love is needed, like “we care about you, but because we care we are going to make sure you get help.” And send him to a psychologist, or if he actually tries to hurt himself, to an inpatient psychiatric care center. This kid may need help, but he is likely just seeking attention. But guess what also needs attention? Your pending baby, and your wife. Take your baby moon. Don’t tell the attention seeker if everyone is so worried. This should be a happy time for you and your family.
The thing is, is he is seeing
The thing is, is he is seeing a pediatric psychologist, a therapist and a neurologist. All of them have said that he does NOT have suicidal tendancies however needs to be monitored.
We thought of going away without telling him but SS2 will purposefully not answer his phone when he's with his mom. He will bugger off without telling anyone and he sends his mother, brother and dad into a panic. When they found him last, he was playing basketball with his some neighborhood kids and didn't see what the big deal was.
Frustrating is an understatement.
Thank you for answering.
I know exactly how you feel!
And I am sorry you are going though this!
My formerSS13 was like this when I was pregnant (except he didn't want his mom to be part of it...well he didn't say that anyway). But his constant attention seeking behavior and he would even turn things about the baby into things about him...idk, it was really weird for someone that age. It was exactly like you said 13 going on 5, and poorly behaved 5 at that.
After my son was born, his poor behavior escalated to the point of danger and I ended up leaving with my son. I HAD to to keep him safe. Daaaaaddeeee (and all of his family) just could not "believe his son could/would do those things", even tho they were seeing/hearing it...excuses were made, etc.
I'm not sure what to tell you, except be extra vigilant once your baby is born. Huge hugs.
In the end I will always put
In the end I will always put this baby first.
It is so comforting to know that I'm not alone in this. Thank you so much for taking time out to answer. You have no idea how much it means to me to be able to finally talk about this and to read other people's similar situations.
Step parents always seem to get the s*$t end of the stick.
I hope things are better for you now. As long as you and baby are safe and happy than that's all that matters.
Things are so much better!
Things are so much better! The first 5 months were SO STRESSFUL. I am glad to hear you say "in the end I will always put this baby first". That's exactly what I did, what I had to do for myself too!
I'm so happy for you! Good to
I'm so happy for you! Good to know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. ☺
BD23 was a very difficult
BD23 was a very difficult suicidal teenager who was in and out of inpatient care, counseling, therapies, etc. The thing that got us through was keeping her busy. Every summer she went to a YMCA camp away from me, the counselors knew about her issues and she always came back better. It's your husbands job to deal with ss2, the kid should be involved in sports, clubs, counseling and be too busy and tired to bother you or think about suicide. DH can plan to be out with skids when you get home so you can have time to decompress.
You're on the home stretch to having your baby, your home should be a haven and peaceful place for you. Take care of yourself and put your and the health of your baby first.
His mom took him out of
His mom took him out of sports because he couldn't handle the locker room talk. Apparently the boys in the locker room poked at him.
If he didn't score or did poorly in a game he would cry. I'm not talking a few years of disappointment, I'm talking the mouth open, head back, wailing like your pet just died kind of crying. So his mom thought the pressure was too much for him and took him out.
He is homeschooled and I kept telling my husband SS2 needs to be in high school. They finally enrolled him so he starts in September. I'm hoping this will help out but now with all the issues he's having they don't think he should go. SS2 wants to move in with us and I swear to Lucifer, if he moves in I'm leaving.