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I don't like DH calling SD and I "his girls"

NoNameThx's picture

Submitted by NoNameThx on Fri, 09/06/2013 - 10:39pm

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I just wanted honest feedback. Am I overreacting because I detest that DH calls me and SD "his girls"? As in him telling people he is hanging out with "his girls" or that he "had a great time at the movies with his girls". I feel like he puts me on equal ground with his 10 year old when he does that. I just don't like it. Am I just being silly?

MamaDuck's picture

Submitted by MamaDuck on Fri, 09/06/2013 - 11:06pm

Aww, I get warm fuzzies when my SO says something like that, I don't take it literally, as in he's referring to me as a 'girl', to me it's a term of endearment. Also to me, it means I am just as important to him as his daughter, and I never thought that could happen, hence the warm fuzzies!

emotionaly beat up's picture

Submitted by emotionaly beat up on Fri, 09/06/2013 - 11:10pm

Good heavens, there are lots of bio dads, living with bio mum, who say that. There are lots of bms who would call dad and the sons my boys.
If that's all there is, yes, your overreacting. He's proud of you, he's proud of his daughter. So. Sorry, if this is the only thing you have to worry about, you are doing well. Please don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. Pick your battles, let this one slide. It's not worth the angst.

missflo's picture

Submitted by missflo on Fri, 09/06/2013 - 11:19pm

My fdh calls our dog & I his girls.
On those occasions when the ss's are ignoring him( any given day really Sad ) he'll say"at least my girls love me"

christinen's picture

Submitted by christinen on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 12:54pm

Haha I call my DH and my dog "my boys" too! Never thought much about it. DH calls SD and I "his girls" - I do see what you are saying about putting you on equal ground with the skid by doing that but I don't think that is his intention at all. I think he is just saying you are the most important "girls" in his life.

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Fri, 09/06/2013 - 11:24pm

Ick. No, I would not like DH calling SD and me his girls. Blech. I don't think you're being silly.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Sat, 09/07/2013 - 12:38am

No, I wouldn't like it either. :sick: I agree with Rising, ask him seriously to stop saying it.

c-mom's picture

Submitted by c-mom on Sat, 09/07/2013 - 6:48am

I say "hanging out with my boys" all time... referring to my husband, MY STEPSON, and my nephew. It is just a casual way of saying he is hanging out with the females in his life who are important to him. Yes, you are blowing this WAY out of proportion.

c-mom's picture

Submitted by c-mom on Sat, 09/07/2013 - 6:53am

Oh yeah, I forgot the rest of my comment....

If it really bothers you that badly, there are most likely other ways that you feel he treats you as your daughter's equal. Either way, no you are not her equal, and yes you should very calmly have a conversation with him to let him know how his actions/ words make you feel but it is not worth arguing over. If at first he disagrees, just say, "Okay. It just really bothers me so I wanted to let you know how it sounds to me." and leave it at that. Guys are kind of oblivious. He probably has no clue. And even if the info is not well-received, if you don't do it in a confrontational way, he will probably think on it and decide to quit.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sat, 09/07/2013 - 7:24am

I think that as SMs, we have to choose our battles wisely. This may not be a hill you want to die on.

If there's something bigger going on, as in he doesn't parent his kids and/or make them behave to you, you should address that with him.

Peaches's picture

Submitted by Peaches on Sat, 09/07/2013 - 8:42am

Make sure your SO knows how you feel about it, don't make it a huge thing, but let him know that it just makes you uncomfortable.
Personally, I'm the only female in the house not including my own furbaby, so I usually refer to them as "my boys" (DH, SS's & BS). Even when my resentment was sky high during PPD, I still called them that. I've slowly gotten into the feeling of the blended family.
I just don't wanna get my hopes up and put my love into kids who might one day resent me Sad

MdMom's picture

Submitted by MdMom on Sat, 09/07/2013 - 9:37am

I personally say its an overreaction. My FDH lumps me in with SD3 and DDs18mo and 6mo. But he says his ladies rather than girls. 'Going to the park with my ladies.' I don't mind it, my dad would say the same when talking about me, my sisters and mom. Not a big deal.

And I agree with Anon2009. Battles must be chosen well.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Submitted by SanAntonioSoccerMom on Sat, 09/07/2013 - 11:43am

I call my husband, my two stepsons and my bio "my boys". No biggie...they are my boys.

Jocasta's picture

Submitted by Jocasta on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 1:17am

I agree. I wouldn't like it either - not sure if I would address it though, it depends on whether I could engineer it into a conversation with DP without appearing to make a bit deal about it. In fact, I don't like any comments which refer to me collectively with the skids. I'm sure if they were my bio children i would feel very differently.

Dontcallmemom's picture

Submitted by Dontcallmemom on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 8:04am

It would annoy me too so I completely understand where you're coming from. But after reading some of the comments about how he's using it as a term of endearment, it becomes less annoying to me. There's just something that feels condescending about it so I think my initial reaction if DH said that to me would be annoyance, then a cool down period Smile