I left...
BF got the skids today... all day long he has been reprimanding me in public non the less for things I do/say. This morning SD informs us that she is exhausted because her grandparents brought her back late last night (6hr drive). Then we are pulling up to our place she mentions that not only wasshe up late her little brother1.5 yrs was up just as late because bm went and picked her up an hr out of town. SD is half way out of the car when I cant take it anymore and say of course your mother couldn't possibly let her kids sleep. BF gives me shit... and not even "we shouldn't be saying stuff like that" shit but tells me im going to make SD feel bad and make her feel at fault. I wasnt even talking to SD and yes I get that she shouldn't have to hear that. I was just so angry that he made it out to me attacking his daughter heaven forbid from time to time I slip and speak my mind. So I let it go...
A few hours later we are grocery shopping BF just got one of those earth magnets necklaces that is held together by magnets. SD continually is grabbing it and he lets her get as far as to have it off every time then tells her no. After about the third time I grab her hand right in the middle of it and bf grabs me by the wrist snapps at me and says im handling it then takes it from me. In the middleof his kids and eeveryone in the store... now im annoyed but it really was his turf so ok fine, move on.
A few hours later we are in the movie store grabbing a movie I try to stop to see the new releases and he jnforms me he already knows what he wants, thanks for asking me what id like to sit thru for 2 hrs... he is letting ss1.5 run free and he is pulling movies off the shelf. So he tracks his kid down step son runs apparently this is a game now. I try to catch this kids aswell now thuroughly annoyed. His son always has to be intertained is never encouraged to play on his own even in the car bf spends more time entertaining than looking at the road but bf is getting alot better after I brought it to his attention. I say this because this kid now ALWAYS needs to be doing something. Ss is now headed face first into a movie rack so I frantically try to grab at him and nothing... kid goes flying into it hands out managed to not destroy it completely. I grab ss on the shoulders squeeze firmly so he knows its not funny and say in a stern voice not funny. BF then glares at me grabs SS and tells me I dont need to be agressive and ss almost tripped. Excuse me? you reem me out in public and then try to accuse me of tripping ur son when I was try to catch him so he didnt go facefirst Iinto a rack? Maybe start keeping better track of ur kid! Then he walks away from me and continues looking for his movie for our movie night. I told him to pick it on his own and left the store. On the way back home I told him I didnt appreciate being told I was violent and he goes back to the tripping I shot that down with the video rack then he switches to I didnt need to pick him up like that. I tell him I wanted Ss to know it wasnt a game and bf just keeps going apparently I had a horrible look on my face. UH u think?! I was scared for his kid and annoyed!
So I told him he could handle
So I told him he could handle his kids and I was leaving when we got home. He told me to go far and I told him I was going for a walk. He saud do what you gotta do and didnt say a word when I got out and watched them go in the house. I am now sitting at the park down the road waiting for the kids to go to bed.
BF along with BM have always encouraged me to parent bf more so then bf. I am expecting and from the get go we have wanted all the kids to be treated the same. Thats why we have this way of running our home. Now all day I am being attacked and not just told you know I dont really agree with that. No I am being called out infront of his kids and in public! Am I wrong here?! Im so flustered and morning sickness and hormones dont help half the time I dont even know if I am being rational but I feel completely let down by bf. Why should I even put the parenting effort in if everything I do today gets calldd out! help?!
Im hurt... ro how can you act
Im hurt... ro how can you act like u love me enough to want to have a child then spend the day slipping back into the your an evil bitch routine.
We had this problem before and I told him flat out I couldn't take being portrayed as evil bitch. I was starting to wake up feeling like a bad person. That is partly because I kept fighting for the family dynamic we wanted. I really thought we had gotten past it now ive been gone for an hr at least and he doesnt even care. Has not even called or txted. Its making me feel like I was a bitch and I was violent even tho I know I wasnt. Esp whwn his only pointer was my face.. which his son couldnt see... seriously just wanna sleep outsode and cry.
I am shocked about your
I am shocked about your partners behaviour.You must feel so degraded by that.But listen, he is an idiot and you deserve better.I know you are pregnant but could you leave for a few days until he realises he shouldn't treat you like this?
You have no right to be
You have no right to be squeezing a kid's shoulders or grabbing a child's hand. I've taken care of my two step kids and their brother (2) and I have yet to EVER to touch them in any form to reprimand them. If they fooling around and face plant themselves, I literally just ask, "So what did you learn?". Now if a kid is running into traffic, I can see that, but to this day, I've never squeezed a hand, or ever gotten close to that degree. That is not my job or yours, it's their father's. I just get as far as telling them, "I'm gonna call your mom or dad". They are not your children, any form of discipline should be filtered through their biological parent.
He is wrong for reprimanding you in public, but think about this, weren't you doing the exact same thing to these kids?
A very good move, your
A very good move, your leaving. Do not return.......
RULE #1 You never correct in front of the children or make your opinion known in front of the children. The bedroom, with the door closed, is the time for that. ALL discussion related to the children occur behind closed doors.
This is true in all family relationships, step or otherwise, married or not. If he is "correcting" you in front of his children, he is out of line. It will continue to occur. Stay the hell away, nothing good can come from this.
"RULE #1 You never correct in
"RULE #1 You never correct in front of the children or make your opinion known in front of the children. The bedroom, with the door closed, is the time for that. ALL discussion related to the children occur behind closed doors."
Well... then maybe OP should have followed that precept instead of making a rude comment about the child's mother. That is what started it. I can't say I'm surprised that it went on from there.
Simply Monica, you are
Simply Monica, you are correct it is the parents Job to discipline and that works beautifully when the parent does their job. It is complete and utter chaos when they don't. Allowing a 1.5 year old child to run freely in a movie store or any other store for that matter is dangerous and irresponsible . A child that age needs constant supervision. Allowing him to pull movies off the shelf teaches him what, to have no respect for other people's property, clearly dad doesn't either.
Dads not doing his job, she firmly grabbed the child to stop him running into a movie rack face first. Are you suggesting she take your advice and allow the child to face plant the rack them just ask this 18 month old baby, what did he learn from that.
I can guarantee if she had allowed him to run face first into that rack, dad would've got stuck into her for that one too. She can't win. As I said, it's all good when your partner disciplines his children, not so good when they don't give a rats behind, and the latter drives any normal person to distraction.
Hello Ladies, I just want to
Hello Ladies, I just want to say thank you so much for your support. I truly know I was not being an emotional mess and I was on the right track. For those of you that asked yes I am pregnant. I have one friend in town I wanted to go back home and sit BF down to have a chat before I went that far.
I stayed away for about 2 hrs and came back to say goodnight to the kids. BF was still a little bit defensive when I got home. First thing I addressed was the morning situation. I apologized for bringing it up but also said I did not appreciate being treated as though I was attacked his daughter. It basically came down to he did not mean it that way he just did not feel she should be stuck in the middle I agree. We also had a long talk about how I was getting to a point where I am having a horribly hard time dealing with the constant attacks. He is frustrated as well we both recognize that BM has found the way to hit hard by telling SD negative things about myself. This little girl is still taking her time to know me and BM is compromising that. BM could say bad things about BF and it would not have near the effect as it does with me. BF understands I am not perfect but does expect me to shush when he asks me too if he knows SD is listening, fair enough. I know that was something that was out of hand.
I brought up the fact that he reprimanded me in public and not to mention got physical with me to boot. He grabbed me hard enough to hurt me and did it in front of his children. He of course denied this and I told him it was true maybe he did not realize but it did. I was sorry for interrupting his punishment that DID NOT warrant him getting physical and demeaning my authority whether he hurt me or not. He is over here losing his shit over my actions with his son and yet getting defensive about treating me worse? This lead to some silence...
Then came something I did not expect. BF told me that he realizes he has been very angry and not fair for the last while he has done some serious thinking and decided he wants to parent differently. He does not want to have to be aggressive or yell at his kids for them to listen so he is trying just to be firm. He does however feel that if he has started something he should be able to finish it. He does not want to be angry anymore and just wants this family to be happy. He realizes this is something he should have said but he is trying to do it. He was unsure of this being the reason why I had been jumping into things he was trying to handle.
Overall BF did apologize for getting physical and calling me out in public. He did ask that if he was in the middle of punishing his kids I let him follow it through. Fair enough, I did tell him we needed to get on the same page with how we react especially with SS. It seems like we both use different words to say "no" sometimes his name is said in a firm tone sometimes there is counting sometimes there is no... we need to be equal and he agrees. I think what he is trying to do is great and hope that he can stick to it. This lead to the movie store.
BF said he was letting SS look with SD and when he noticed SS had left SD that's when he went and got him. No SD 6 is barely old enough to go off on her own let alone let her watch over SS aswell. That is not her responsibility and she deserves to not be his sit in babysitter. She did not decided to have a kid YOU DID whether he was an oops or not! His response was that she was a big sister and was not allowed to completely shut her brother out. SD has been getting really sick of SS lately following her and such I have been trying really hard to push to let her have her own time and BF does not agree with this as much. Fine I said then you should have gone with SS and SD they are not left alone in the movie store she is not old enough to parent or stop him from ripping movies off the shelf! He admitted this was true. Again he was upset I cut him off and went ripping after his son... I told him I was trying to help you catch him and he said I was trying no to make him run. I guess this is where we differ I feel that children should be stopped and shown right away when their behavior is less then good. He didn't want to cause SS to run so was walking after him. This is something that I feel BF and I will have to sit down and discuss but that is beyond what happened.
Overall BF did realize he had been bad about his reactions and apologized for it but asked that I don't interrupt his punishments that I can understand. I just hope we can get on the same page about reacting and glad he is trying to make a change for the better.
You know how many times i've
You know how many times i've heard, "its my children, not yours". Well good for you, daddy. Thats when i and DH had a little talk, i will do nothing but nothing for his children if i don't have a say while they are in my presence. So he said fine, i can do it myself. So i backed off completly, just shoving stuff in his face like for instance, he was busy outside with his bike so i said, go change you 18 month's dipper she made a poo, turned around and went on with my business, he cursed cause his hands was full of oil, so now he had to go was them and then change the dipper and then only he could go on about his business, he likes to make dinner sometimes, while his busy i'd just say its getting late, your children needs to bath, then turned away. not only does he need to run the water, he needs to bath them, dress them, dry their hair etc etc. So we came to the conclusion, this is my home to and if i can't give discipline, i will do nothing to help him. His eyes opened up to everything, even to how his behaviour towards his children and to me can affect our relationship, he can't do everything on his own and some time or a nother he is going to ask for your help, and thats your chance to put your foot down.
He wants me to discipline...
He wants me to discipline... he just does not want me to jump into the middle of his. I get it to a certain degree but in the same token there have been times whwn I have started something and I would appreciate his support. I dont believe its bullying its showing a strong front. I had a very strict home though sometimes I think people would think too strict.